Eat a Chimichunga and go back to the main Marc Anthony page. Fender-Mended Overall Album Score: 5.7 out of 10 Oh man! After cutting what's clearly the best album of his career (Libre), the guy goes and cuts what's among the worst albums of his career (Mended) that's so awful that ... that ... OH!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Really. Listening to this was just an awful, awful tedious experience, and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone out there! Even if you really like the guy, then I still wouldn't recommend this album. Although, I suppose I can't stop people who really like the guy from getting this album, but ... you have been warned. The melodies have really taken a huge nosedive here. Simply put, they're not as good as they have been in other albums. For some reason, Marc Anthony has taken a liking to synth-grooves in about a third of these songs ... and ... most of them are actually good synth-grooves! But, unfortunately, these grooves weren't put to good use, because they're just backing to terrible melodies. Oh! Anthony will be asking you for his ears in English this time around ... and now I actually understand what he is saying. I guess it doesn't help for me to actually understand the lyrics ... cause they suck. But I bet they sucked on Libre. But they were in a made-up language, so I simply had no idea that they sucked. The buzzword for this album is apparently "suck," because I use that word a lot. And that's rather appropriate, actually. I think I'm going to use it 4.5 more times. Suck! Suck! Suck! Suck! Su Overall Album Score: 5.7 out of 10 (Look. It's not like I had high expectations for the guy, but after that borderline-wonderful Libre, I was hoping for something a little less crappy.) Average Song Score: 6.1 (Sappy!) Album Tilt: 5.5 (Crappy!) Artist Rating: 5.5 (Blappy!) Track Reviews Love Won't Get Any Better 8/10 ...I have a feeling that Marc Anthony won't get any better, too! Nevertheless, "Love Won't Get Any Better" is actually a good adult-contemporary/salsa song ... it has a nice-enough melody and it basically isn't offensive to the ears. Heck! I'd even call this entertaining, even though it is complete schlock. So this one's okay. Let's just look at the next ditty ... and see if it's time to start cussing. She Mends Me 6.5/10 Awwwwwwww.... How romanteeeeeeeeek! *Pthththththththththththththththth!!!!* THUMBS DOWN!!!!! I won't go so far as to call this a particularly bad song ... I just don't think it was well-written ... and it is so sappy that it is rather offensive to the ears. Time to start cussing. #*@(#!!!!!!! I've Got You 7.5/10 Whoah! Does Marc Anthony already have a formula?!?!??! The third track of his Marc Anthony album was also a tight-grooved, drum machine thing. Although, this one doesn't sound hopelessly like The Backstreet Boys ... rather, this one reminds me a bit more of ABBA. (I'd much rather be reminded of ABBA than the Backstreet Boys.) Of course, even if he is hiding some of his talent from us, I still don't think that Marc Anthony and all of his songwriters have a tenth of the talent that ABBA did ... so "I've Got You" is all right but terribly flawed. For example, there aren't too many good hooks in here!!! But, there are some hooks in here, and the groove is tight. I'm also wondering why the drum machine hadn't gone out of style after 20 years of it ... but that's another topic. I Need You 5/10 Okay ... this song was stolen from somewhere, but I don't care about it enough to figure out where. This sounds familiar!! That said, it's not a very good song, so whoever this was stolen from probably didn't care. The chorus of "I Need You" is just nauseating!!! Arrrrrrgh! And the rest of the song sucks, too. Boo to this!! Marc Anthony sucks! No more ears for you! (AND THE SAP!!! WHY SO MUCH SAP!?!?!???!?) Tragedy 6.5/10 This one has another nice drum-machine/synth groove to it! The song starts out as awesome as chocolate cake, but when Marc Anthony starts singing, it kind of starts to suck. But nice groove! I Reach for You 3/10 Ew! I Swear 3.5/10 This has another decent synth-groove. Anthony must have hired a synth-groove writer or something. Unfortunately, this isn't as good of a synth-groove as the previous ones had been ... and the song sucks anyway. (Man!) Don't Tell Me It's Love 5/10 A little bit better ... but, really, this is awful! The melody is still not-too-listenable ... HOLY CRAP! MARC ANTHONY NEVER SUCKED THIS BADLY BEFORE!!!! IT SEEMS THAT I'M RARELY EVER RUNNING ACROSS ANYTHING BY HIM THAT I LIKE ANYMORE!!!! THAT LAST ALBUM WAS HELLA COOL! AND THIS ONE IS HELLA POO! Do You Believe in Loneliness 7/10 FINALLY!!! This is still a crappy-sappy adult contemporary ditty, but this one at least has a decent melody to it. As long as there's something for me to enjoy about it, then I'm perfectly happy. Give Me a Reason 7/10 What's with all the synth grooves??? THIS ONE SUCKS!!!!!!! For some reason, even though the synth-groove sucks, the song itself doesn't suck. That's irony for ya. Sort of. I Wanna Be Free 6.5/10 This one doesn't suck in the dismal gutter, either, even though this is SAP! SAP! SAP! SAP! SAP! SAP! But at least it has a melody. I would never listen to this on purpose, though. In fact, I'll be glad when it's over. Everything You Do (Sucks) 8/10 Whoah! Marc Anthony finally mustered something not-so-smelly out of his derriere! Yay! This adult contemporary song is uplifting in nature and (*gasp*) is not vomit-inducing! YAAAAAAAY! I THINK IT'S TIME FOR A CELEBRATION! Te Tengo Aqui What?? WHAT??? Oh! I see. This one is sung in a different language. That one made-up language that he seems to like. And this is the same song as "I Need You." Hmmm... That song sucks. And it's not any better in this fake language! I need ears.

All reviews are copyrighted by Michael Lawrence. Que?