Otra Nota: The Vegetable
Overall Album Score: 6.5 out of 10 Marc Anthony. One of the big Latin superstars of today. Julius Caesar. His target. The friends. The countrymen. The Romans. Lend him your ears. ... Um ... On second thought, don't lend him your ears. All you need to do is buy a nacho, reminisce about that crazy salsa music in the background of those Mexican restaurants, and you get the entire experience of this album! Ooh yeah. If I can say one thing about salsa music, it's the only type of music that goes well with nachos. And it will continue to be like that until somebody comes out with a musical genre called "cheese." (Oh wait! I forgot completely about The Carpenters! ... Eh, it's not an official genre, though. The #1 spot still goes to salsa.) Alright. I really have no good reason to review a Marc Anthony album. I was just browsing through all the albums they have on Music Rhapsody and thought ... Hey! Why not review a salsa album! (Besides, after getting a load of that album cover, I just couldn't resist! That might just be the worst album cover that I have ever uploaded on this site so far, but it gets immediate redemption because we can't see his whole body. For all we know he might be on the toilet!) I was introduced to Marc Anthony when I saw him in a glorified cameo from the film "In the Time of the Butterflies," which might just be one of the worst films I ever saw that had the pretense of being a serious film. (Oooo! That was an awful movie!) However, as a rock star, he doesn't strike me as being a jerk. Marc Anthony, even though he would reach semi-superstardom with polish pop acts late in the 90s, his music doesn't suck. Rather, he actually has real TALENT, which is something that has managed to escape fools like Ricky Martin. Nope. Marc Anthony, while he might be commercially-minded and 100 percent derivative, he's somebody who actually seems like he deserves to be cutting albums. He's not even a "hunky" figure, either. He couldn't have just been chosen by the ring-on-every-finger music industry pimps just because he has a pretty face and would perform well on Pepsi commercials. No! However, when the public forgets Ricky Martin, which probably already happened, as long as Marc Anthony doesn't give up, he has plenty of inertia to keep on going forever. Seriously. Alright, that said, this music is 100 percent derivative (and, I believe, they are all covers). There's absolutely NOTHING original or artistic on here at all. But it's fun. There's nothing on here that absolutely sucks. And, there is a Bread cover on here, which makes no sense! It's like I was listening to sexy-salsa at the Tropicana night club with Ricky Ricardo all in Spanish and then for some reason Bread run into the room in white pants and mullets, singing their cheesy songs in English! What's with that? Anyway, this isn't anything I'm going to be remembering for years down the road, but at least I don't find it nasty and disgusting. Tu madre está en mi dormitorio! Hah! I insulted you, and you have no idea what it said! (............... I'm assuming ........................... uh oh.) Overall Album Score: 6.5 out of 10 (Yeah ... this album doesn't suck at all. Considering that this is a derivative, unimaginative, and unimpressive album, it scored fairly high.) Average Song Score: 7.1 (It's not a bad set of tunes ... but it's not an insanely wonderful set of tunes, either.) Album Tilt: 6.5 (Oh! Can't I give it extra points just for the album cover? Please? No? Oh well. This isn't an album that should have you flocking to the record store, nor is it probably notable within the salsa genre ... I wouldn't know such things. All I know about this album is that it doesn't overall suck. There are a few lackluster tracks toward the end of this thing, but there's absolutely nothing here that makes me stomp my feet in anger.) Artist Rating: 6.0 (Boy! This album has nothing to offer artistically! I only have to acknowledge that Marc Anthony has a lot of vocal talent, and whoever was in charge of the arranging usually did a pretty good job. The mixing of two throwaway adult contemporary songs among sexy-salsa probably wasn't a good idea, though.) Track Reviews Palabras Del Alma 7/10 I know what that says in English! Words of Alma! The words of Alma: Oye! Mi perro tiene uno cabesa, solamente! (Okay ... Between the time I took and forgotten Spanish from high school, I had taken and forgotten French in college. So don't kill me if I'm mixing up those two acursed languages.) This is a halfway-decent salsa song utilizing a nice, tropical beat and a horn section. And it's performed very well (he's got natural singing talent)! It brings back everything I remember from watching Ricky Ricardo from "I Love Lucy." (Heeeh! Heeeh! Heeeh!) ((Oh man! Recreating the Ricky Ricardo laugh via typing was harder than I thought it'd be. It's also fairly hard to do via taking photographs.)) Back to the song, it shows skill, but it's not anything I particularly want to listen to twice. Si Tu No Fueras 7.5/10 I know what that says! It reads: "If you're not Fueras!" Well, Marc Anthony, I'm *not* Fueras, so whatcha goinga dew about eet! Passionately poop in that toilet of yours? Ooooh ho! This is a slower salsa-type song that with a horn section that is mixed nice 'n loudly! If you're going to mix a horn section, then it had might as well be LOUD. Hasta Que Te Conoci 8.5/10 I know what this ways, too! It reads: "He sees what he Conoci." Yeah, to that, Marc Anthony, I only have to respond with the phrase: "You are on CRACK." This track starts out very boring, but then it picks up big time with some nice salsa. Anthony's vocal talent, which starts out reserved but picks up talent, is especially an asset here. These songs have been kind of long. If he would have cut it by two minutes, I would have given it a 9. The last two minutes, it loses all of its kinetic energy. El Ultimo Beso 7.5/10 Those were the exact dying words of my great grandmother! Peculiar, isn't it? (Just kidding, Ultimate Beso!) This is a slower salsa song that'll have you dancing with Ricky Ricardo until nightfall. (Babalooooooooooooooooooooo!) (Marc is on the looooooooooooooooooooo!) I want a burrrrrrrrrrrito! Ole! Make it With You 6/10 I know what that says! It says ... uh ... wait a second. I didn't learn any of those words in Spanish class! Alright. For some stupid reason, Marc Anthony decides to do a 90's adult contemporary of Bread's early 70s soft-rock hit. (Bread, by the way, is one of the whitest bands on the planet.) Compared to Bread, it's inferior. But, at least Marc doesn't cover something that sucks or, even worse, tries to write something by himself that sucks. But ... man! This just throws off the whole festive mood I was in! Ricky Ricardo just slapped me in the face and called my great-aunt's cousin's roommate a slut! I think. Necesito Amarte 6/10 I know what that means! It says "I need Amare." And, Marc Anthony, I hope this "Amarte" person isn't your pet frog. (Oooooh boy that would be weird). Now that the Spanish language has suddenly jumped back into Anthony's vocal patterns, so has salsa! However, it's just not the same! I'm bored through this; this one is Mexican-restaurant worthy but it's not fun enough for those of us who are just there for the tortilla chips. Yaaaawwwwwwwn! Juego O Amor? 6.5/10 Juice or Love? Crap! I don't think I even want to know what he's talking about. (Would you like to make mad love right here in the sheets, or would you just like to chug down bottles of apple juice! You've got to admit, though, that it does make an interesting come-on line.) Even though Marc Anthony is still holding onto the Spanish language, he abandons the whole salsa thing AGAIN. Oh well. Even though it's adult contemporary, it's not entirely boring. Si He De Morir 8/10 The last track of the album is semi-salsa, but the melody is very nice here, at least, and Anthony and his production company make good use of it with some nice, quiet instrumentation. SI HE DE MORIR! If he's of Morir? Je n'aime l'Espagnol! Je n'aime le Francais! Je n'aime tu sous-vêtements! Je suis allé! Don't even think about leaving any comments about this album. Don't e-mail me here. |
All reviews are copyrighted by Michael Lawrence. He likes the queso.
