Todo a Su Tiempo in Bed
Overall Album Score: 4.9 out of 10 Marc Anthony: [stately] Friends, Romans, countrymen. Lend me your ears! The Friends: [shouting quizzically] Ears? The Romans: [shouting baffledly] What on earth does this dude need my ears for? Doesn't he already have two? The Countrymen: [shouting with much inquiryness] Eh? I can't hear you! I lent my ears to Claudius this morning ... he never gave them back, either. I hope he didn't eat them. Marc Anthony: [even statlier] Hark! I do not want the ears on the side of your heads! I want ears of corn! I wansts to have a picnic with the fair Lady of Levucia! A Countryman to a Friend: [whispering] Methinks he's been buying some of that Weed of Cerces from that soothsayer again. (Oh man ... I'm probably going to have to mention that Shakespearean Play every time I start a Marc Anthony review now. Oh woe!) Okay. Getting down to business. (As if I've really been looking forward to it.) Marc Anthony ... the so-called "artist" I dubbed him as being on his previous album, umm ... Oh! I guess he's still a good singer! But on Marc's second output there are two principle problemas. One: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... His last album was rather exciting and sometimes sexy salsa. This time around, it is an adult-contemporary version of salsa. And for some reason, all this adult-contemporariness takes all the sexiness out of it. (And I like sexiness. I like it sooo much.) Two: The album cover here ... um ... It makes Marc Anthony look like some sort of Mexican landowner. It's totally inferior to the album cover of his previous album, in which he was taking the most heavenly crap known to mankind. In a big way, I'm disappointed with this album. (And I'm sure Marc Anthony was, too. He apparently didn't even try to repeat the success that he had on his debut.) Alright ... whereas his previous album was a sort of retro salsa album (that recalled the Tropicana ala Ricky "Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuucy" Ricardo) this is much, much more polished. To some listeners, this might be a good thing. But I'm bored. Bored to tears. Teeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrssssssssssssssss. All of the songs have been taken with great care in its production, but they are all very weak on the hook-front. And, with a few examples of straight adult contemporary at the end of the album, they all sound alike. Most of them have a horn section, the exact same salsaey beat, they all equally make me want to grab the nearest bag of Tostitoes and indulge in their heavenly flavoring. And they make me want to siesta. Although, I admit the best thing about listening to this album is that I have absolutely no idea what this dude is talking about! That's always a plus in an album when it is applicable. Overall Album Score: 4.9 out of 10 (Yawwwwwwwwn! Only if you're a big Marc Anthony fan. As opposed to his debut, the songs he sings here are much more boring and have many, many less decent hooks in it. Sitting through this album was trying.) Average Song Score: 5.8 (Oh ... I'm perfectly willing to admit that there are three goods songs in here. The other six are total garbage, but all I really care about are the three good ones.) Album Tilt: 4.5 (El boreengo!) Artist Rating: 4.5 (El no artistico!) Track Reviews Se Me Sigue Olivdando 7.5/10 This song ain't bad at all. There are hooks of some sort (they're very weak, but they're there), and this song has about everything you'd ever need from the salsa front. Fortunately, this particular song has the a strong salsa presence (which was done very well) and it's not so caught-up in trying to be adult contemporary. Also, while it is still almost retro-salsa, the sound of it is modern. Te Conozco Bien 8/10 (The album hasn't started getting boring yet!) This song's on the delicate border of adult contemporary and salsa, but at least it doesn't suck. Heck! It might just be the best track of this album! (I wonder what he's singing about! It sounds important. It must be about his dying pet goldfish or something.) Hasta Ayer 5.5/10 This song utilizes a single guitar (and what it plays just repeats throughout the whole thing and it gets utterly boring) ... the melody isn't anything worth mentioning ... although I admit that I like that bongo drum in the background. I wish I could play a bongo like that. (Babaluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!) Overall, this song is a real snoozer. Nadie Como Ella 4/10 Man! Even though this is more of a salsa exercise, this is even more boring than that last one. Verrrrrrrrrrrrrrry generic and verrrrrrrrrrrrrry unexciting. Where are the hooks? All I'm getting at this end is a salsa beat, a horn section, and somebody singing something that's blaaaaaaah. I think he's singing about what he could be eating for breakfast. Los huevos? El jamon? El Capitano Crunch? Te Amare 6/10 Much better! But it's still boring. And, even though the hooks are a little bit stronger, the song sounds almost exactly like the previous one. Man ... I really need a nacho. Llegaste A Mi 8/10 Well ... I'm pretty sure Marc Anthony lifted this song from somebody (or somebody lifted it from him), because this song sounds VERY familiar. Perhaps somebody could shed some light on this! The chorus sounds like something that I've been hearing on the radio in supermarkets and such. I don't really feel like trying to figure out what it is (because then I'd have to through adult contemporary garbage)! Perhaps it'll dawn on me one day. Nevertheless, this is about Marc Anthony's most exciting song on here ... even though it's adult contemporary. Oh ... after those last few stinkers, I'm willing to enjoy anything that's even slightly entertaining. Y Sigues Siendo Tu 4/10 Here's where the whole hope of creating some decent adult contemporary songs really takes a nosedive. This slow and completely unsalsaey song is very 90s and very boring. In fact, it makes me miss all that salsa I was sick of from a few tracks ago. This song is absolutely quiet and ABSOLUTELY boring! El Yawn! And it goes on for over four minutes! El Blah! He has a good voice, though. El Laaah! Por Amar Se Da Todo 4/10 I don't miss the salsa! I promise! Nooooooo! Actually, this one starts out rather promising with a decent introduction that is almost reminiscent of everything ABBA! (Oh! But that was wishful thinking!) It quickly turns into another generic salsa/adult contemporary piece of sticky garbage. Vieja Meso 5/10 Yay! The last track! I was about to lose all consciousness. ...hmm... I still am. Although, I suppose this one is merely slightly more interesting. It's a mid-tempoed salsa song ... OH YAWN! I'M SICK OF LISTENING TO THIS STUPID ALBUM! GRRRRR! MARC ANTHONY IS A PRETTY-BOY! Tu necesitas muchas commentitoes. Mailo mi here-o. |
All reviews are copyrighted by Michael Lawrence. He likes bean burritos.
