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Besque back to the Arab by clicking on this link. (I think it's for the best.) Hello, Mister "Please Rip Out My Brain Immediately, Because I'm Going Insane"
Overall Album Score: 4.0 out of 10 I swear. I have this strange fascination with music that is ABSOLUTE CRAP that it might actually be considered a perversion. Why do I do it? I don't know! Let's tap into my brainwaves with this newly patented brainwave-reader I developed last week (that's not quite ready for public distribution). I'm turning it on now … YOUR BRAIN WAVETHS READ: ..........#*@&@*#(@*#&$*#*(@*#*(@*#&$&#($() #*@)(#)($*#(($))#*#&@^$*&*#@&#(*#($*%Y@(*#Y() @*#)Y%(@*#Y&@#*&#@^$@#%$(*&#@^($&@^#*&%&*@*# (@*#&@%*&^@#*$^*@#^$*&@^##&%^*@&#^%*&*$*@(@(#%...... [excuse me, I still have some kinks to work out first. Let me try it again.]... YOUR BRAIN WAVETHS READ: ...Zzzzzzzzzzzz...Helloooo, Hellooo, Mr. Monkey ... You're still so fast and funky ... Hello, hello, Mr. Monkey... You should have been a cloooooooooownnn... Hmmm... That didn't exactly answer the question I was looking for, but that did answer another question: why it is important to stay away from this album. No matter how much you deny yourself, after giving it a listen, you are going to get "Hello, Mr. Monkey" stuck in your head for all eternity. Stay away from it at all costs. I'm dead serious. You'll never forgive yourself for it. In fact, you probably hadn't even heard of Arabesque before reading this. I hadn't heard of them either until I found someplace where I could download all of their songs. Oh. I wish I hadn't. I wasn't expecting much, but here's what I got. ABBA wannabes! This is third-rate Europop. Unfortunately, the songwriters aren't nearly as solid as good old Bjorn and Benny were, and so there is absolutely no point in listening to Arabesque when you can pop in another ABBA album again-simply put! This group is comprised of three girls ... all of them German ... all of them trophy wives ... but do they have talent? That is something that can only be determined by their husbands. Oh! Actually! The line-up here is completely different than that of the later Arabesque albums (as if anyone cares). The line-up, I believe, consisted of Michaela Rose, Heike Rimbeau, and Mary Ann Nail. On the next album, Heike and Mary Ann were replaced by Sandra Lauer (goes just by "Sandra") and Jasmin Elizabeth Vetter. Looking at their photographs, all these women are freaky! I saw a more recent picture of Sandra, and I think she wears false teeth now. Never research the history of an unknown europop band on the Internet. This one website I'm on (which was translated from German on my web browser) says that Michaela Rose was in charge of the "gas turbines," and the following statement is howl-inducingly funny!!! And I quote: "The data are quite contradictory, clear seem however that Michaela was rose from the outset thereby. The reasons for the frequent Umbesetzungen lie to a large extent unknown. A reason, which is more frequently called, is a pregnancy." Overall Album Score: 4.0 out of 10 (Puke.) Average Song Score: 4.9 (Bam! There you have it. There's one good song in here out of the bunch ... as if it were one slightly edible banana out of a bundle that was completely obliterated with monkey poop.) Album Tilt: 3.5 (The fact that this album-let me rephrase that-this creature has a little ditty on it called "Hello, Mr. Monkey" on it makes me absolutely despise this total piece of doodoo. The fact that there are worse songs on this album than that is just SICK.) Artist Rating: 3.5 (Probably the thing that's even more hopeless than actually listening to the album is trying to evaluate its artistic integrity.) Track Reviews Hello, Mr. Monkey 4/10 Listen up. No matter what you do, DO NOT LISTEN TO "HELLO, MR. MONKEY." You will seriously regret it. This is one of those extremely dumb songs that has such a catchy melody that you will not be able to get it out of your head for months. (And it's not even a *good* melody ... it'll latch onto you like a leech.) Believe me on this one. I lived the horror, so I know. After reading a warning like this, if you're anything like me, you're going to go to the latest music pirating software and try downloading this. Please. Don't. It's toxic. That said, this song was apparently a big hit in Japan. But that doesn't really surprise me ... everyone over there was pretty much insane already. Fly High, Little Butterfly 7/10 You know ... not only does this one not haunt you like "Hello, Mr. Monkey" after listening to it ONCE, it has a pretty nice melody. It's difficult to compare it to relatively godly stuff like ABBA, but just the same it is an all in all decent sugary Europop thing. I'm even willing to say that this is best thing in this entire thing. Someone is Waiting For You 6/10 As if Arabesque predicted the huge success (in Japan) they would have with "Hello, Mr. Monkey," they went ahead and made a clone of it already. ... Wonderful. It's less leech-like, though, thank goodness. The Man With the Gun 6.5/10 Okay. I've been good and refrained from commenting on these absolutely stupid lyrics. But, alas, I can no longer resist myself. (I'm taking a transcript, so don't sue me if I've misread anything.) He was big, he was blond there was fear in his eyes
I think someone was trying to write a James Bond thing, but was obviously too German to write anything that wasn't trite ... Fortunately, though, whoever wrote this at least has some good sense of melody. But ............. hmph. Six Times a Day 6/10 I'm having a hard time believing that this type of (disco) music was once popular. I'm having an even harder time believing that I am listening to it. I'm having an even even harder time believing that I'm not trashing the bejibbers out of it. (This song isn't catchy at all ... but for some reason I'm having serious reservations about totally belittling it. I must be turning Japanese.) CRAP! THESE LYRICS ARE STUPID! Buggy Boy 3/10 Ooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Now this is just going too far. The instrumentals have finally turned from cheap disco to cheesy POP CRAP. This reminds me quite strongly about the utter dreck that was on the ABBA debut. ... Does that mean that Arabesque might get good sometime down the road? ... I doubt it entirely, but I guess anything is possible. Anyway, Arabesque sure outdid themselves here. They created an even more annoying song than "Hello, Mr. Monkey." Friday Night 3/10 Friiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy! When I'm done listening to this album, I think I am going to bash my head against this keyboard. No. On second thought, I can't wait. I just can't stand it anymore. Excuse me for a moment while I bash my head. Against this keyboard. 893aqop08girewn0- h53oi OIGGIEWNOIREANOB HOIQNRI5RH8Y309=549Y-J4209-4YJ209gjwgjogokt40grw09-j420g-0-yh43ohr]ej0- t43or]0ir[girgipr[agir0942yir[gpw09423giwgfksagirewklgirwe Thank you. That felt better. ... but why this song is still playing? Arrrgh! Catch Me Tiger 2/10 Oooooooooooh man! Did this album take a huge plunge into #@(*@*# or what? I mean, it was into #@(*@*# to begin with, but this is deep #@(*@*#. This kind of stuff might take me off rock music altogether. What ever happened to that Wolffy Mozart guy? Is he still around? Give it Up 4/10 .....YES, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love is Just a Game 6.5/10 As if every stupid Europoop album has to end with a slow, dreary song that is completely drenched with sap that it completely drowns itself and chokes to death ... OH #($*#, BUT WHY AM I SORT OF LIKING IT??!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!!!! DON'T YOU SEE THAT MY STATUS AS A MAN IS AT STAKE HERE?!?!?!???!?!?!?!??? I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO LIKE THIS IN EVEN THE ***SLIGHTEST*** BIT!!!! grr. I can't IMAGINE why you'd want to send me comments about this album (or review) here. |
All reviews are copyrighted by the author, Michael Lawrence. He's tiredesque!
