Go back to the main Arabesque page ... for some strange reason ... Nope. The Third's Not the Charm Overall Album Score: 4.0 out of 10 Cute. Well, at least this doesn't give me any reason to start foaming at the mouth or write suicide notes or anything. But, Arabesque's third album is just cute. Perhaps it's too cute. In fact, it's so cute that I'm starting to not like cute stuff anymore. I think I'm just going to get this metallic baseball bat and this poster of Bambi I've had ever since I was a kid, and --- *BAM BAM!!!* TAKE THAT, YOU STUPID, CUTE DEER THING!!!!!!! I AM BEATING YOUR HEAD IN WITH A METALLIC BASEBALL BAT!!!!! HAH-HAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!! This album actually starts off rather well, even though this is such dull and stupid Europop that ... that ... rrrrrrggggggggg ... Really, I don't know why I'm reviewing this band. I need help. Someone please help me. No not you, Mr. Monkey. Overall Album Score: 4.0 out of 10 (Mmememm mahammamamam!) Average Song Score: 4.6 (Dummmmm de dum dum.) Album Tilt: 4.0 (Um ... for some utterly strange reason, I didn't hate sitting through this quite as much as I did the previous Arabesque albums ... even though the song score wasn't any higher. This album still blows, though.) Artist Rating: 3.5 (Cheeky!!!!) Track Reviews High Life 4.5/10 Oooooooooooohhhhhh ... It's very difficult for me to stomach this one ... The melody is so sugarcoated and generic ... But I am quite thankful for the fact that it's not an annoying melody! (Peppermint Jack *shudders*). This melody is half-well-written ... so I'll give it all of half its points! ... Actually it's probably less than that, but at least it's not memorable. Thank goodness. Jingle Jangle Joe 6.5/10 This song sounds like a combination of every ABBA song on the planet! ... Except it doesn't have any tasty pop hooks in it! Just the same, the chorus does have at least two hooks in it ... making "Jingle Jangle Joe" one pretty dull pop tune. But I honestly don't hate this. I just don't think it's any good! Roller Star 7.5/10 Wow! I must be going *insane* or something, but I do believe that I'm giving a 7.5 to an Arabesque song! ... It probably doesn't deserve it, but I genuinely like this song. And, I've never liked an Arabesque song before. The melody really isn't that great ... but it's among their best. The lyrics are as trite as they've always been, but, here, they're so danged simple and ... heck! It works! (Don't let yourself become attached to this, though. It might follow you home and you'll never be able to get rid of it.) Bye Bye My Love 5.5/10 This sounds an *awful* lot like "Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight)" by ABBA except they give this a Jewish flavor. Just the same, this one is awfully trite. That's really not a surprise, but ... it's only groan-inducing to the slightest degree... count yer blessings ... I haven't heard a "Hey Mr. Monkey" equivalent, yet ... that makes me glad ... Marigot Bay 6/10 I swear this is the exact combination of ABBA's "Chiquitita" and "Fernando." I tried playing this at the same time as "Fernando" ... it didn't prove anything other than both songs have the EXACT same time between the end of its first chorus and the beginning of the second. ... But I'm sure there's an 'industry' reason for that ... like all pop songs have to have the exact same time between the end of your first chorus and the beginning of your second. Whatever. This song really isn't that good. This is supposedly the studio-designated hit from the album. I'm sure somebody hit something. Panties in a Penthouse 3.5/10 I'm not even going to try finding all the ABBA song that this one resembles! I know there are probably a few! We've finally crossed the annoying/not-annoying boundary. *EEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!* I feel a brain aneurysm coming on ... oooooooof! Once in a Blue Moon 2/10 Oh my GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!!! Can you freaking believe this???? (I don't see how you can believe this ... yer not listening to it.) Everything that anyone has ever feared from disco can be experienced right here. (AAAAAAAAEEEEEEGGGG!!!) Yeah ... disco sucks, man. (This was released in 1980, too, wasn't it? ... Haven't you heard? Disco's dead, baby.) Hey, Catch On 3/10 ...Whoah! This sounds a lot more like an 80s song. ... a really crappy 80s song. But at least it's not disco. It still tries to be dancable, though, and, to this, I'd dance the ritual dance of smashing my head against the wall. This song is not catchy in the *slightest*. Take Me, Don't Break Me 2/10 Yikes! I would say that the electric organ notes sound *strikingly* like the ones from The Dire Straits' "Walk of Life" ... but that song wasn't released until 5 years after this. So ... Arabesque probably didn't steal it from them, unless they have a time machine or something. This song really sucks, by the way. I really feel nauseous. I appreciate the electric guitar in here, but really ... can you get more generic than that? This is actually the worst song on the whole album ... what a distinction! The Only Night Was a Lonely Night 5/10 Instead of listening to this very cheesy song (that sounds a lot like one of those old-time songs that I keep hearing on those spiritual music commercials), I'm going to turn it off and go to sleep. And old maaaaaaaan riverrrrrrrrrrr he just keeeeeeps rollllllllin aaaaaaaalooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggggggggggggg! Do you have something that you'd like to get off your chest (besides your fake boobs), send me comments here.

All reviews are copyrighted by the author, Michael Lawrence. He's written a poem

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such is Arabesque