Joan Baez is the Devil Vol. 1

Overall Album Score: 8.3 out of 10

Okay, I know I don’t normally review live albums using the same scale as studio albums, but … this sounds like a studio album. There’s not much to be done in the studio with folk music, anyway! And most of these songs aren’t featured on Baez studio albums, so … BOOYA. It’s just got the odd applause (at the end of songs) and annoying singing-alongs … Also, despite the fact that it was recorded live in 1962, the sound is pretty much perfect. This was given the real treatment, man!!!

One thing that I should mention early on in this review is that I am extremely biased toward some songs in regards to this album that it’s not even FUNNY. Why do you ask? … I shall explain …

I don’t like traditional American music. … And when I say that I don’t like traditional American music, I *********don’t********* like traditional American music. Therefore, my track reviews are extremely biased … I tend to look favorably on the British folk-songs than the American ones. Sorry!

I’m also really being stupid for reviewing Joan Baez. I mean, it’s one thing to review Michael Bolton and Mae when I know their fans are idiots. However, Joan Baez fans are boring intellectual snobs. … So, any Joan Baez fan who surfs the Net and stumbles upon my site will read this review, and subsequently hate me and want to put a voodoo curse on my (not yet conceived) children and their (not yet conceived) children.

But since I am no better than a Michael Bolton fan, I’m going to carry on with these Joan Baez reviews. Much to my own personal pain.

Even though Joan Baez is a boring folkie, there’s little reason to make fun of her. This is in spite of the fact that it seems like she’s singing these songs as though the world would explode if she added a little bit of humility or warmth in these songs. She gives a dead-serious performance in all these songs! … As we all know (in the case of Michael Bolton), if you’re dead-serious and you’re no good, you can become quite make-fun-able. Fortunately, for Baez, she’s quite talented. And her voice is pretty. And she knows how to play the guitar (which is useful because that’s the only instrument on here other than her voice). In short, there are 16 songs on this release, and only one of them sucks.

…I bet if you glanced at the tracklisting, you could guess which of these songs suck! … It pains me to merely *type* this song’s title on the page, I despise it so much. … Okay, here I go ….......................................................... “Kumbaya.” … I don’t claim that at least part of the reason I hate that song is because it’s dreadfully overplayed, but … ohhhh … that song is seriously stupid. It’s overly simple, the melody is dreadful, and … I can’t even bear to listen to it. People should seriously stop singing that song. Despite what they’re thinking, “Kumbaya” doesn’t do the world a shred of good. What makes it even *that* much worse is the audience who sings along with it. … I’ve always suspected that people who like folk music are total losers, and now I have the proof.

That brings me to my next point: Joan Baez doesn’t write songs. She just steals other people's songs, most of which were kindly written by Hans Traditional. Okay, she’s “folk revival.” And … um … she’s … revivaling these things. Anyway, it’s alright that Baez doesn’t write her own songs! Her purpose on this planet is to “revive” that dead art-form, and that … she did. And she does revives some good songs and she does it well. … This is folk music that doesn’t suck. That’s all that really needs to be said.

Even the pre-country music American stuff doesn’t disturb me like it could have. So … nice job, Baez baby.

Overall Album Score: 8.3 out of 10 (Even though it’s plagued by the boring nature of folk music and the unfortunate decision to perform “Kumbaya,” this is still a pretty formidable album.)

Average Song Score: 8.3 (Nice selection of old songs … nice take … etc.)

Album Tilt: 8.5 (I’m ignoring the fact that “Kumbaya” ruined this for me, but there is a wide variety of styles of music in here, ranging from European to American to South American to African … No Asian? … What’s she got against Asia? … I mean the Japanese are a little weird, but …)

Artist Rating: 8.0 (It’s true that Baez made these songs much more enjoyable than they could have been, but … she’s still boring.)

Track Reviews

Babe, I’m Going to Leave You 9.5/10

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABE!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m gunna leaf yew… … … Dude! This woman is one serious folkster. So serious that …… Um … Geez! No wonder 95 percent of the human population can’t stand folk music! And she is one of the few folkies that people actually regard today with fondness! (Although, that might just be because of her political activism.) I mean, PLEASEEEEEEEE! … But, anyway, Baez has a pretty voice, and this boring folk song is kinda pretty too. It’s just Baez and a guitar … so … um … This pretty much works for me.

Geordie 10/10

Yay! She’s singing an English folk song! … It’s just personal taste, but I enjoy English folk songs about 398456309458395 times more enjoyable than the American ones. … Seriously, I was born in the wrong country! Anyway, I can’t expect much more than what Joan Baez delivers. … It’s just a voice and a GEETAR! … Seriously, you should know that before going into this, man.

Copper Kettle 9/10

Dude … This song is famous. … I think Bob Dylan sang this once … And … it’s a good song! … She’s singing this as if her very life depended upon it. Easy to make fun of, but … everything that stupid people who like folk music isn’t bad, you know.

Kumbaya 5/10

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! *vomit* NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! *vomit* NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! *nothing left in stomach anymore* NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! *vomits chunks of stomach* NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! *internal bleeding, vomits blood* NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! *dying* NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! *turns to thank Joan Baez for premature death* NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! … This is a song that was overplayed upon the first time this song’s composer strummed it on his/her guitar (who, I hope at least had a pang of pain when he/she died). … What’s worse is that we hear the audience join singing in this miserably simple and miserably CRAPPY song that … I just lost total respect for diehard folk-fans. There is a *reason* everybody makes fun of this song. And the only reason this song is so well known today is because it is SIMPLE and it is STUPID. … I wave my behind at this crappy song, Joan Baez for playing it, every one of those beatnik crazies in the audience singing along with it, and anyone who hates me for writing this. (On the bright side, I did give this a *5* … that’s more of a default thing … the performance is still technically well done … just that this is the stupidest song ever written.)

What Have They Done to the Rain 8/10

…She introduces this song (by talking as if she were speaking a eulogy at a funeral) and says this is the gentlest protest song that she knows. … We definitely need gentle protest songs … (Incidentally, what were they gently protesting against in 1962? … Lack of coffee shops?) … And … um … this is boring. Joan Baez doesn’t write these songs, so I can’t fault her for that, but … it’s not a great song, and Baez does very little to spice it up.

Black is the Color of My True Love’s Hair 8/10

Kinda boring, but not bad. This sounds like an English folk song, but it’s not as pretty as “Geordie.” It’s very dark and depressing … I think maybe everybody in the 60s was actually protesting protest songs … I would have been if I lived back then.

Dangerous Waters 8.5/10

Sounds like this one originated in the U.S. (and some of the audience sings the chorus … seriously these guys are no different from rock fans … rock fans only sing the choruses too at concerts … SNOBS, YOU BEEN PUNK’D)! Anyway, this song isn’t nearly as annoying as “Kumbaya,” so …

Gospel Ship 7/10

This song sounds so American that … you can smell it … and it doesn’t smell good. (…My lack of respect for my country’s history is … vast …) Baez is pickin’ her geetar like a real hillbilly … except this song lacks that total raw hillbilly thing that … makes such music fun … as long as you’re not covering your ears because you hate that kind of music. I’d probably be doing that right now if I wasn’t so disgusted by “Kumbayadoodie.”

The House Carpenter 9.5/10

Yay! An English folk song! …… I seriously should write a full-fledged research paper why English folk songs are better than American folk songs … maybe I will. Anyway, this is a very pretty song. Baez doesn’t exactly perform this better than the other songs … she just chose to exploit a good song that doesn’t have a copyright-I mean sing a pretty English folk song.

Pretty Boy Floyd 8.5/10

Baez dedicates this song to Pete Seeger, which gains some enthusiastic applause from the crowd … Seriously, these beatniks freak me out … And … um … This is definitely an American song and … Well, I actually like it! (I’d better like it, actually, or a 60-year-old hacker might zap my Web site with a virus … this is a Woody Guthrie song!) Baez’s voice is getting annoying piercing here at times! … So, I took off points for the performance. I don’t have any beef with the tune.

Lady Mary 9/10

Okay, I want to repeat that I’m seriously not dissing Woody Guthrie’s tune by sandwiching that 8.5 between two higher scoring tracks. I’m just saying that Baez could have performed it better. That’s all. (You don’t know how many e-mails I get from ex-hippies who don’t know how to comprehend English.) … Speaking of the actual track, it’s pretty! Very pretty! … It’s slow, but it’s not totally depressing this time. Nice job, crazy hippie lady.

Ate Amanha 9/10

…I feel like I just … um … went to Brazil! … Um … this doesn’t sound very Brazillian to me … it sounds more like something out of Spain or Italy or … one of those weird European countries. But … they’re all Latin. I guess. And we’ve all heard this song before. … Stunningly, Baez gives a very enthusiastic, lively vocal performance when, based on the fact that she didn’t do that very well with “Pretty Boy Floyd,” this sounds pretty good. Not that I’m saying “Pretty Boy Floyd” is a bad song. (When I get 394 e-mails in my mailbox within the next week, I can now honestly say that I said ***three times*** in this review that I wasn’t sayin’ that “Pretty Boy Floyd” was a bad song.)

Matty Groves 8/10

This song is long (seven and a half minutes), which is kind of unusual for a folk song … and it’s boring, too. But … most of these songs are boring. And, this is an ENGLISH folk song, which is always awesome. … It’s boring, though. I banged my head on my monitor and really hurt myself from falling asleep halfway through this. (I’m wondering if that’s grounds for a lawsuit? … Hmmmm … Oh yeah, that “Kumbaya” rendition certainly is! Remember? I threw up my stomach and died!)

Streets of Laredo 8.5/10

…American… the song mentions a cowboy … bbbbblaaaaaahhhhhhh. I’m glad that I didn’t live when people liked these songs … what would my life be without classic stuff like Van Halen? … Well, I’d have most of my hearing for a start … and … um … Despite the song’s boringness (which was in its conception no doubt), Baez manages a solid performance. … Whup-di-dew.

My Good Old Man 7.5/10

…She sings another old song! … This song is supposed to be ironic and funny. I guess it is. Baez is boring, though. She delivers the jokes as playfully as if she were reading her shopping list. Yet, the audience thinks it’s funny! … Um …

My Lord What a Morning 8.5/10

…This is a spiritual. I think. And … It’s pretty good. It’s boring, of course, but it’s a good tune, and Baez’s voice is pretty so … um … yeah. I still ain’t no folk fan. Folk is still for loser-people. (C’mon, 60-year-olds. Send me your wrath. I can take it.)

Send me your comments about the devil here.