Pie-Lands

Overall Album Score: 8.1 out of 10

Icelands? ... Or Greenlands? ... Greenland is the icy one on the map. ... Obviously, whoever was in charge of naming countries had it in for that place. Must not be a Bjork fan or something. Hey! Iceland's an island! I never thought of that 'till now. It's not a *tropical island* though ... Oh, holy crap! I just thought I saw my underwear I threw on my bedroom floor this morning move! ... That scared me.

Oh! Let's talk about The Band's final studio album called Islands. Contrary to popular opinion, The Band did not collaborate with King Crimson on Islands. In fact, both bands released totally separate albums both titled Islands. Um ... not that such a thing actually confused anyone.

Islands is kind of like Northern Lights, Southern Cross except the album title is shorter and the songs aren't as good. They didn't seem to spend much time actually working on these songs, nor do they seem very inspired, but it's all a very pleasant listening experience ... and stuff.

I think this album is fairly underrated ... people seem to trash this album like their ex-wife. It's not really that bad. There are good songs on it! If there are good songs on it, then how can it be a poor album? I axe ya!

Overall Album Score: 8.1 out of 10 (It's not the lackluster studio-album finale that it was cracked up to be, fortunately.)

Average Song Score: 8.4 (Pretty good songs all around ... They seem a bit throwaway at times and include a self-cover, but ... it's not a terrible listen at all!)

Album Tilt: 8.0 (They've been far removed from their peak ... but this isn't bad. Worth getting to Band fans.)

Artist Rating: 8.0 (Not an artistic achievement whatsoever ... they're not being freaking over-pretentious, albeit they're not taking any chances.)

Track Reviews

Right as Rain 10/10

Oohhhhh, how pleasant! Ohhhhhhh, and how tasty! The melody is utterly sweet ... the instrumentation is hardly as "genuine" as it was on The Band, but ... I'm sure you're all sick of me saying how nothing these guys ever did measured up to that album, and I'm going to stop doing it here and now! This is just a very pleasant song. It makes me smile, yes it does! *smile!!* I NEEDED A SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!! ... Even the cheesy sax is super-awesome. I can't help myself. I know I shouldn't like this song, but ... I love it! I LOVE IT!!! GAAAHHHHH!!!!

Street Walker 8.5/10

He wouldn't be related to Lukesky Walker, would he? ... HAHHAHHAHHAH!!! ... Sorry. ... Um ... Well, this is a decent song. Sort of cheaply made just like "Right as Rain" was with that sax and all, but the melody isn't quite as grand this time. Nevertheless, this song is nicely played and stuff ... the instrumental solos in the middle of this song are kinda fun to listen to. ... Good 70s pop stuff.

Let the Night Fall 9.5/10

Hooray for the pleasant melodies! THREE CHEERS FOR THE BAND!!! HIP HIP ... um ...... I *promise* you that I am not on crack. *Seriously* ... Speaking of the song, it's another unabashedly enjoyable thing from The Band even if it is a bit cheap. I enjoy that goofy electric guitar in here, too! It's very fun to listen to!

Ain't That a Lot of Love 8/10

Eh. Just an averagely good (still enjoyable) bit of boogie-pop. It's performed rather ... um ... cheaply. You can take it or leave it.

Christmas Must Be Tonight 9/10

...THIS IS A GOOD SONG!!! ... Waitaminute ................ didn't I already review this? ... What the crap???? ... This song was on their last freaking album! Except it's slower and more "emotional" than the last one. They're about equally as good. I gave the other version a half-point higher just because it is danceable. Yes. I really am that shallow...

Islands 8/10

An instrumental, eh? ... Well, at least I don't have to listen to Kermit the Band Singer! ... Yeah, while this song is nice, I have the unfortunate duty to inform you that this is only a mild step above muzak, but ... who doesn't like to boogie in elevators every once in awhile? I know I do. One of the infinite number of reasons the ladies think I'm a freak and don't want to have my babies, but ...

The Saga of Pepote Rouge 8/10

...This song sounds boring just by merit of the song title. GOORREGG!!!! ... Fortunately, this song isn't as boring as all that. It's just a bit too normal. Um. ... Normal is good, but ... man! Even the songs on Cahoots weren't normal! At least they're not being total doodieheads.

Georgia on My Mind 7.5/10

...Yeah... way to cover a song that Michael Bolton would later cover! ... The Band did this song to help out the Jimmy Carter for President Because Gerald Ford is a Loser Campaign. No wonder Jimmy Carter was such a crappy president. (... Actually ... um ... I only dislike this song in *theory* ... there is always something disconcerting about musicians who thinks anyone cares about their political affiliations ... that is, unless they're Republican ... that's at least being unusual.) ... Not a bad cover. It adds ****NOTHING**** to previous incarnations of the song, but it doesn't butcher it, either. I guess they were just focused on earning the big bucks for the peanut farmer.

Knockin' Lost John 7/10

EH!! EHHHH!!!! EHHHHHHH!!!!!! Not too great here, either. Um. ... The melody isn't very hooky, and the instrumentation seems a bit convoluted. ... No biggie, though.

Livin' in a Dream 8/10

Eh. ... That's what The Band has turned into these days. An "Eh" band. ... Although they got Martin Scorsese to film their final concert video! That's completely non-"Eh." They're trying to make another The Band song, except it's not very genuine. Is it fun to listen to, though? Kinda, yup.

Oh, Don Ignacio is a stupid idiotic moron who gave a stupid Band album a positive score. Put the freak back in his place here!