Michael Bolton


Michael Bolton (1983)
The Hunger (1987)
Soul Provider (1989)
Time, Love and Tenderness (1991)
The One Thing (1993)
All That Matters (1997)

Dost thou havest any comments about Michael "I'm Sucking an Egg" Bolton? Leave them HERE.

Brief album summaries:

Michael Bolton (1983)

Michael Bolton SUCKS! HAH! There. I said it.

Overall Album Score: 6.1 out of 10

Average Song Score: 6.8
Album Tilt: 6.0
Artist Tilt: 5.5

Link to the full review:
It's Michael "Geez, I Have a Stupid Haircut" Bolton!

The Hunger (1987)

Michael Bolton still sucks!

Overall Album Score: 5.8 out of 10

Average Song Score: 6.4
Album Tilt: 5.5
Artist Tilt: 5.5

Link to the full review:
The Hunger For Something That's Not Michael Bolton

Soul Provider (1989)

Whoah ... maybe he can provide me with a little bit of PCP, too...

Overall Album Score: 5.0 out of 10

Average Song Score: 5.6
Album Tilt: 4.5
Artist Tilt: 5.0

Link to the full review:
Soul Plopper

Time, Love and Tenderness (1991)

When a maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

Overall Album Score: 4.2 out of 10

Average Song Score: 4.6
Album Tilt: 4.0
Artist Tilt: 4.0

Link to the full review:
Time, Love and Vomit

The One Thing (1993)

That hair might just be long enough to strangle him. ............. wait for it .............

Overall Album Score: 2.5 out of 10

Average Song Score: 3.1
Album Tilt: 2.5
Artist Tilt: 2.0

Link to the full review:
The One Thing

All That Matters (1997)

It's difficult for my brain to comprehend that this thing is actually a sizable improvement.

Overall Album Score: 4.9 out of 10

Average Song Score: 5.2
Album Tilt: 5.0
Artist Tilt: 4.5

Link to the full review:
All That Splatters

willyrottencabbage@hotmail.com (Willy) received August 25, 2004

He sucks so bad...I don't think even if he changed his name to Michael McSucky Von Suckovich he could even suck more.

Don Ignacio responds: :O)

igrainxiii@yahoo.com (Hansen) received Feb. 9, 2005

He is like the original Ashlee Simpson, except Simpson had the sense to lip-sync. This guy got people at my work suspended/fired because they didn't serve him after the business hours.

Don Ignacio responds: There is seemingly no end to this guy's wrath.

jimandtambailey@yahoo.com (Jim Bailey) received Feb. 15, 2005

I thoroughly agree: Michael Bolton does suck. I wonder who told him that sounding constipated equals being 'soulful'?

dantheman_sg27@yahoo.com (Dan) received June 18, 2005

You are one brave dude. And you haven't even got to the next one with "Time Love and Tenderness," and maybe the worst one of all, his cover of "When a Man Loves a Woman." You mentioned his 1985 album, it might have been the one with his laughable pop-metal dung "Everybody's Crazy" on it...Beavis and Butthead classically lampooned it, and the song even showed up in Rodney Dangerfield movie Back to School! You gotta hear it just for laughs.

But I have to give you props for sheer brevity...I might need it since I'm under pressure from a friend to review fellow Grammy winners Milli Vanilli. Wish me luck.

ojd300@yahoo.com (Olivia J. Davis) received Nov. 7, 2005

Why are you wasting your time???

mohamed_idris578@hotmail.com (mo) received Dec. 31, 2005

why do you have to about him like that?

All reviews are copyrighted by the author. His name is Michael Lawrence. He eats spring chicken.