Diamond Dogs (Rhymes with Lincoln Logs)

Overall Album Score: 8.6 out of 10

Arrrrrrf! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarf!

Oh yes ... it's about this point in the David Bowie career where he exclaims that he's just had about enough of this Ziggy Stardust crap, he sniffs a couple of backsides, and comes out with the most artiest fartiest concept album from a guy who once called himself "Ziggy Stardust." Though I won't say I dislike the album! I like it! Toss a dog a bone, toss me Diamond Dogs, and we'll both be happy. As the Taco Bell Chihuahua would say: "Yo Quiero Marajuano." From the bottommost pit of my arm, I say with great enthusiasm that this album is really barking wonderful!

No kidding! While it's far from my favorite David Bowie album, I enjoy it almost completely. (Crap... I lost the disc, too, so I'm going to have to re-buy it or something. Fortunately I made an mp3 version of it beforehand.)

The album has plenty of good songs to make it worthwhile to listen to (Diamond Dogs, Rebel, Rebel, ...to an extent... Big Brother), a few snooze-fests but respectable nevertheless (We Are the Dead, Sweet Thing), a few tracks that make me put up the old exclamation mark (Future Legend, 1984) ... and some songs that I didn't even bother to mention.

The reason I don't want to call this album even remotely my one of favorite Bowie albums is ... alas ... some of these songs ARE boring. Though dare I say the album as a whole is interesting? Yes the sort of sleazy style this album seems to take should appeal to all of our dark sides.

In one respect (NOTE: --ONE--), I like Bowie's [in]famous 80's hit album Let's Dance better than this. (I mean... I can listen to four or five of those 80's hits two hundred times more than I can listen to my favorite tracks from Diamond Dogs before I stop enjoying myself.)

Overall Rating: 8.6 (Yep ... it's not really even close to being my favorite David Bowie album. Parts of it are a bit too boring for me. However, this still earns its deserved place as a top-quality Bowie album!)

Average Song Score: 8.4 (Oh yes ... while some of these tracks are real snooze-fests, I could not bring myself to rate one of them below a 7 ... which is the earliest Bowie album to deserve such a thing from me. While many of the songs are not memorable, I think they work GREAT as background music whether you're doing your homework or shopping for tampons.)

Album Tilt: 8.5 (I'm being neutral in this category. While these songs were unmistakably MADE for this album, this isn't exactly something I always look forward listening to. At any rate, this album is VERY interesting. If you like David Bowie's other stuff, then you basically can't go wrong purchasing this.)

Artist Tilt: 9 (David Bowie almost ALWAYS gets high artistic ratings. This is because, apart from a few of his horrific early albums, he does an impeccable job making his albums interesting on an artistic scale and accessible to a pop audience. However, move this album a couple notches higher on the artistic scale and a couple notches lower on the accessible scale.)

Track Reviews

Future Legend 8/10

Ehhh... an eight out of ten! Okay... it's deserved. It's the HILARRRRRIOUS spoken introduction to the next song (Diamond Dogs) set to an eerie background. It doesn't even try to be pretentious ... it's so over-over-pretentious that it could only be a parody! Good thing Bowie himself didn't take this concept album further than it had to. (And, as far as the concept of this album goes ... I don't think I have ever been less excited about a concept album than this. I have failed to make any sort of interpretation of the concept, and there's good reason for it ... ... I don't care! But these songs do work very well when you listen to the album all at once.)

Diamond Dogs 10/10

Hruh?? Oh yeah! David Bowie is a Glam musician, isn't he! Hmmm hmmm! This crunchy Glam song is actually one of David's all-time best ... it has a good, memorable guitar work, a nice melody ... and really good atmosphere. Yaaaaarp! I also think he does a good job with his barking and howling ... anybody else would have sounded like an utter fool. (Hmmmhmmmmm! Mike Oldfield, I am looking at you specifically!) This is definitely the second best track of the whole album.

Sweet Thing 7.5/10

After that rockin' Diamond Dogs track, we get this significantly more boring third track. Ah! I don't know why I'm complaining. I like this song fine ... it's just more slow and more boring. But it's successfully atmospheric, which is really David's forte after all.

Candidate 7.5/10

"Sweet Thing" runs into this track, which picks up the mood significantly. But ... I still think it's rather boring. I don't think the track is particularly memorable. I don't know ... I rather expected to score this and the last track in the 5-6 range, but I guess I do enjoy these tracks as mood pieces. It's good fun to listen to as background music and stuff.

Sweet Thing (Reprise) 8.5/10

I suppose you can consider this and the previous two tracks part of the same song. (The melody doesn't change that much and neither do the lyrics.) The reason I like this [shorter] reprise a full point better than the previous two tracks is because it significantly picks up the mood and it is here when I recognize that ... wow ... this is some good instrument playing! Bowie and his sax. Hhhhh! The coda is a bit unmemorable, but hoo's complaining?

Rebel Rebel 10/10

Definitely the most memorable (and definitely the best) track in this album. The riff, for one, is luverly (...even if it's not original, it's still very good...) and I just enjoy the song almost to its full extent. (Almost, because the 'plus' is missing from the 10.) This song is also the standout of the entire album, but that's not necessarily because it's the best ... it's because it doesn't exactly match everything else! It doesn't have such an eerie atmosphere for one.

Rock 'N Roll With Me 7/10

Am I going out on a limb when I say that this track has one of the best (if not THE best) melodies in this whole friggin' album? That said, I think Bowie's take on the 'atmosphere' was a little bit misguided. While I like the melody, I think the background stuff is a bit sub-par this time.

We Are the Dead 7/10

I usually get to this track and say to myself ... eeeeerrrrrr this is BORING. In fact, before getting here, I expected to give this track a 5/10. But, at the last minute, I decided that I like it quite a bit more than that. It's still boring, though ... unless you actually pay attention to the lyrics. The atmosphere is awesome here, bits of the melody are merely okay. I still think it's boring.

1984 9/10

This is that track that makes me raise an eyebrow! Here... this album was produced in 1974, and we have a DISCO song! WHAT?????????? Really! It's got that infectious dance beat, those 70's dance guitar riffs ... and even those phony violins! What the--?? While this certainly doesn't suggest that David Bowie invented disco (in fact, The Roxy Music came out with a disco-like song in 1973), we can say that David is quite the prophet. That ain't the reason I awarded this track a whoppingly large "9" ... I gave it a nine because apart from "Rebel Rebel" and the title track, this is the most memorable track of the whole album. It's nice and quick ... it's crisp ... though dated, it still sounds quite ambitious ... and most of all, David hasn't forgotten to inject some atmosphere. The opening and closing sequences of this song feature an eerie, Twilight-Zone-ish chord. Not only is it weird ... but you can dance to it! Oh yeah! Typical Bowie-goers dance to "China Girl," but dancing to this one is definitely more fun (in a perverted sort of way).

Big Brother 8.5/10

Oh geez! There are specific moments in this song that I really enjoy, but they don't seem to be complete! If he would have carried these GREAT moments out better, this one would have been unquestionably my favorite song of the album. As it stands now, it's good ... even memorable ... but it leaves much to be desired. Nevertheless, this is one of my favorite parts of the album.

Chant of the Ever Circling Skeletal Family 9/10

+ + + + + + Points for the title! This is a funny chant, too! I mean ... I am just picturing a family of skeletons dancing around a campfire singing this. He heeeee! Shakeitup shakeitup! Hah hah!!! Nice closer to the album. David's sure a funny guy. He would have made a great uncle if only he would have married my aunt. I know I'm probably hated by a bunch of people for giving this track a nine ... because it's such a short, silly song. But I really like it! He heeeee!

Bonus tracks:

I don't actually own this version, but I have listened to them at one point. Dodo sounds more like a 60's mod-song than anything. It's a good song. There is also a demo version of "Candidate" that, if I remember it right, is almost phenomenally better than the version on this album. I remember it being quite sweeping. (Sweeping in the same respect as one of Bowie's later songs "Loving the Alien.") At any rate, I wish I had gotten the version with the bonus tracks on them. (Perhaps I'll get it when I re-purchase the album in the distant future.)

Do you think this review was worthy of Lincoln Log-glory? Or, should I catch a play? Leave your comments here