No Reason to Fry

Overall Album Score: 6.9 out of 10

... Well, I have no reason to cry. Clapton hasn't done anything truly remarkable since Layla, and ... ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ... Seeing that he's been going downhill for awhile, I'm not too surprised that No Reason to Cry is such a weak album.

If you want to look at it mathematically, based on my assessments, his downhill movement has been going steady ... Layla got an 8.8, 461 Ocean Boulevard an 8.4, and There's One in Every Crowd a 7.7. The 6.9 for No Reason to Cry is a rather steep drop-off, but ... if you're allowed to discount the poopie of the album (the nauseous country/western ditty "Innocent Times"), it's been fairly steady. Furthermore, this is essentially a weaker and more unfocused clone of There's One in Every Crowd (which was essentially a clone of 461 Ocean Boulevard) ERIC NEEDS DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!!!!!

This album is a mixed bag. There are some really fine moments in here. "Sign Language" is really good and so is the very fun blues number "Double Trouble." The Band even teams with Eric on "All Our Past Times." ... That's a good song. Unfortunately, there's a bunch of crap, too. I truly believe "Innocent Times" is the literal definition of crap. Likewise, I can show little mercy to Clapton's original pop tune, "Hello Old Friend," which is akin to sticking your head in an orange juicer. The songs not mentioned are either boring, generic, or half-baked. Oh, Ericccccccc ... I haven't even gotten to your Phil Collins albums yet ...

Overall Album Score: 6.9 out of 10 (Clapton tries to give us a variety of blues, country, gospel ... and then some guest stuff like Bob Dylan and The Band. Few of these are worth remembering.)

Average Song Score: 7.2 (Songs very spotty in quality. On one hand, it produces three fine moments ... one's a fun blues song, another's with Bob Dylan and the other's with The Band. On the other hand, "Innocent Times" is worse than most Cyndi Lauper songs.)

Album Tilt: 6.5 (Waaaaaaay too spotty. This album is purposefully unfocused ... Clapton only wishes he could be like Ringo.)

Artist Rating: 7.0 (Eh. At least he wasn't being a jerk.)

Track Reviews

Beautiful Thing 8/10

Sing it, Eric! Sing it, my booooooyyyyy!!! ... Dude, how many times do I have to tell you that I don't give a crap about spiritual type songs? ... And, why must you play it so slowly? ... That gets BORINGGGGGGGGGG ... But at least there's some neat (if scant) noodling on the geetar on here. This song doesn't make a bad listen ... and it doesn't make a memorable listen. Um ... but ... I don't hate it.

Carnival 7.5/10

Ah! A faster song this time ... and a little festive cowbell to shake things up! ... Unfortunately, there's no hooks in the melody! ... WHAT??? ... This is just some silly call-and-response thing. Even though it's fast-paced and the song does, indeed, sport a festive cowbell, there's no raw energy in here. Why listen to this, then? ... Oh, yes, the festive cowbell.

Sign Language 9/10

Okay ... Um ... Do I hear Bob Dylan? ... Yeah! I did some research and that's BOB DYLAN! Heh, I'd might as well be deaf. ... Actually, this song is one of the few things with actual *life* in it. And Clapton's guitar is put to good use ... finally.

Country Jail Blues 7.5/10

... Why is it when I read the song title, I already know I'm going to dislike the song? ... Well, the first word is "Country" and country/western music SUCKS CARCASS. "Jail" sucks, too, because they let lowlifes like Martha Stewart in the place. Lastly, there's "Blues," which is a form of music that has a 9/10 chance of boring me to death. ... So ... man, I need to go listen to some Brit-pop! Speaking of the song, it is bloody unimaginative! ... I mean, the instrumentals are done very nicely making it listenable, but ... crapppppppppppp. Why is it so difficult for Clapton to put a little spirit in his solo work? I mean ... you have to enjoy what you're doing, right?

All Our Past Times 8.5/10

Holy crap, this song sounds like the Band. ... And what do you know, this is The Band!!! ... Hey, Eric! Why don't you find a voice of YOUR OWN?? ... or reform Cream or something ... This is a typical Band song ... and, unless Clapton suffers from the delusion that he is Ringo Starr cutting Ringo, it probably belongs on a Band album! ... Bluhhhh! ... Actually, I don't know what I'm complaining about. This is a good song.

Hello, Old Friend 5/10

More like "Hello, Old Mess." ... I don't know what it is about this song, but there's something about it that just BUGS me. It's probably the clumsiness and the SHEER REPETITION of the melody? Anyway, this song sucks. This is also probably a good textbook lesson on how not to use a pedal steel.

Double Trouble 9/10

BLUESSSSSSSSSSSSSS... Hey! Clapton plays the guitar! ... (What? I didn't know that Eric Clapton knew how to play the guitar?) This is a good example of a blues song that I can listen to. While the energy isn't as raw as such songs generally thrive in, it's dang close ... and close is good enough for me.

Innocent Times 2/10

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, crap. I barfeth on this song. ... This is country music on a quite nauseating level. In fact, ... crap, I wish I didn't have to listen to this ... the female singer is over-the-top, though she has a lovely voice. The song's just heavily generic and annoying. This is worse than going to Branson. And, I've been to Branson, so I know what I'm talking about ... this is pretty horrible, indeed.

Hungry 7/10

I like the crunchiness of this song ... It's more of a genuine rock song instead of country/blues/reggae/etc. ... In fact, this reminds me a bit of "Let it Grow" ... which also reminds me of how utterly inferior this song is!

Black Summer Rain 8/10

Man ... I sort of spaced out for a minute ... What's this song, again? ... ... Oh! This is a rather uneventful song, but it is rather pleasant to sit through. You can go through it and not even know you were there ... That's what I get out of a lot of indie-pop nowadays, anyways.

Last Night With Your Mom 8/10

Yay! Some generic blues to end your day with! ... But this is Eric Clapton, isn't it? It seems like half of his generic blues songs end up being worthwhile visits and ... I guess this is one of them. We've heard this song dozens if not billions of times already, so you've really nothing to look forward to. Nice guitar noodling!

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