Clover Girl

Overall Album Score: 7.3 out of 10

Arghyargyarggyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

All good album reviews start out with a completely nonsensical nonverbal such as that. And, this is a good album review! ... Really! This album review is very good, and I shall attempt to tell you why.

1. This album review is very good, because there is a lot of valuable information in here regarding the artist, the circumstances in which she came up with this album, and my intricate opinions about what I think of the songs.

2. This review hooks the reader, and forces them to read until the end. This review reads kind of like a mystery novel, and it does not dabble in irrelevancies like so many music reviewers are known to do.

3. There are no obscure references to Monty Python episodes or mention of important historical/political figures such as Andrew Jackson and William Howard Taft.

4. That's all. This is just a great record review.

5. I said that's all... (Dang it, I hate Microsoft Word ... I can't make it stop numbering once I've started! It's much like me going to the bathroom... Oh well. Just forget that there are numbers at the beginning of all the paragraphs now.

6. Point six, this is album is a piece of crap. .................. Okay, to be fair, this isn't really a piece of crap, but it's not EXCELLENT, that's for sure! After merely two studio albums, Colvin decided NOW was the time to go thank her influences ... who are a bunch of folk artists that I never heard of, Bob Dylan, ... The Police, The Talking Heads ............ uhhhhhh ...

7. Point seven, As they say in America WHATEVER! ... I would think that she could have at least recorded some of these songs in the studio (most of these are live versions) and she could have been not-boring. I don't know if she wanted to honor her influences or render anyone who tries listening to this catatonic.

Overall Album Score: 7.3 out of 10 (Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...)

Average Song Score: 7.9 (Boringness abounds with a few exceptions.)

Album Tilt: 7.0 (The live songs intermixed with studio ones, I always thought was TACKY. And it's hella tacky here.)

Artist Rating: 7.0 (Some of the songs she covers were originally very interesting ... I just don't know why most of these have to be so boring!)

Track Reviews

Every Little Thing (He) Does is Magic (I'm not Gay) 8/10

Oh yes. This is the Sting song made for a folksy girl! And ... it's not terrible at all. But .............. why? Isn't it kind of STRANGE to do a folksy cover of that Sting song? ... This isn't even that great of a cover! There is no REASON to do a COVER of a STING song THAT played EIGHT-BILLION times on the RADIO in the past YEAR alone!!!!!!!!!! ... And what's with those squeak noises? Did someone have wet sneakers?

The Heart of a Saturday Night (Looking For) 8.5/10

A cover of a Tom Waits song. I haven't heard the original, but .................... I HOPE THAT IT ISN'T BORING LIKE THIS SONG IS!!!!!!! ... Okay, this song isn't really boring. It's just ... slow. And kinda bleak. And recorded live. Although, it does have a nice, pleasant melody! So, way to go, Tom Waits.

One Cool Remove 10/10

Here's a good song! It's a song that I never heard of written by somebody I never heard of (Greg Brown ... yeah. You've never heard of him, either). So, there is an actual good reason to cover this song, then! GET ALL THE UNDERAPPRECIATED SONGS OUT THERE FOR THE WORLD TO APPRECIATE!!!!!!! ... if only more people bought this album ...

Satin Sheets 8/10

LIVE version of a song I never heard of by somebody I never heard of (Willis Alan Ramsey). It's kind of boring, but I guess that's what happens when you decide to listen to some woman sing a folk song, live, with a guitar.

There's a Rugged Road 7.5/10

Do you know why people in general don't like folk music? BECAUSE IT'S BORING!!! Besides which, I always thought that Colvin was more of an adult contemporary follower. Not that I should complain about that, really (because really the last thing we need is for Colvin to go covering adult contemporary songs), but ................. blah.

Killing the Blues 6.5/10

This song should be called "Killing the Attention Spans." ... I mean, it's okay that Colvin wants to release an album covering all the songs she used to cover in bars and nightclubs, but most of the people she played this in front of is drunk. I am reviewing this on a Wednesday morning at 10 a.m. just after having taken a shower. If I did drink, it wouldn't be NOW. And .................... man, I want to go back to sleep already!

Window to the World 8/10

Hm. This is a pretty good song! Even though the song does soar, it doesn't manage to totally catch fire. ............ Folk. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Someday 8/10

Another chapter in Shawn Colvin's saga of boringness is, yet, another low key folk song. This is pretty good, but ............................ I WANT SOME FIREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! I WANT THESE SONGS TO TAKE AN OTHERWORLD LIFE!!!!! This song sort of attempts to do that, but it only half succeeds. Ho hum.

Twilight 5/10

Man, I'm so bored right now that I could scoop my eyeballs out with my thumbs.

If These Walls Could Speak 9/10

Okay. Good. This song ain't that boring! I enjoy the melody and the instrumentation, while bleak, is appropriate! And this does take some sort of otherworldly beauty that so many of these other songs DO NOT. ... So, I like this one! Yay! ... And now, the Talking Heads.

This Must Be the Place (Naïve Melody) 7.5/10

Man! What kind of weird stuff was she smoking when she decided to cover THE TALKING HEADS .................... Yeah, this is one of the band's more low-key songs, but her folky rendition of it is, ohhhhh need I say it, PALE? This is still a fairly good song, though. ... Boring, yes, but I can appreciate at least something here. I'm not sure what.

You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go 9/10

BOB DYYYYLANNNNNN... Now that's somebody who is supposed to sound boring! And ... ALAS ... Shawn Colvin doesn't sound boring when she sings the song! Originally from Dylan's Blood on the Tracks album, this song is GOOD. Colvin couldn't even mess it up.

Yawny the Shawny here!