A Whole New Milk

Overall Album Score: 8.6 out of 10

I have a question for you ... If I were a male escort, do you think I would get a lot of business? ... I mean, I'm not exactly male-escort-like in my physique, but ... I don't know ... I think I can offer something nice to the ladies ... I carry jellybeans on my person all the time! And I've heard that I'm really good at doing things like pretending I don't care about you, making fun of your mother, arguing about directions, getting in bar fights, and screaming at inanimate objects ... you know, the things the average female looks for in guys these days. I don't think I'd make a terrible male escort, even if the ladies would have to use their imagination quite vividly to pretend that I have a decent physique ... because I have all those other things down ... just not the physique ...

Oh, dear. I seem to have trailed off the path. Yeah ... well, this is Shawn Colvin's latest, but it's not her greatest. (Sure as heck, it's better than that doodie sophomore album she did!) After releasing a very good album last time, and she's now a woman with a decent back catalogue ... and now she seems to be having a bit of a difficult time trying to follow up on that success!

Nevertheless, apart from it being a little bit too dang boring (...but you should have expected that ... dudes, this is Shawn Colvin...), this is quite a formidable follow-up album. The songs are very pretty by and large, and the tunes are good ... Indeed, this is a nice album. Very nice. It's not as good as A Few Small Repairs, but it's a decent sequel to that.

And Shawn Colvin might be approaching her fifties, but I still think she's a total cutie. ... And I don't even have a particular *thing* for older women! ... Although some people might have you think otherwise...

Overall Album Score: 8.6 out of 10 (Definitely, this is another nice contribution from Shawn Colvin ... it's not her best, but ... only one album can be her best! And that was A Few Small Repairs!)

Average Song Score: 8.8 (A very solid collection of mellow adult alternative type songs ... if you're into that sort of thing, then this album is moist certainly for you.)

Album Tilt: 8.5 (A bit on the boring side, but I think you'll also find this beautiful.)

Artist Rating: 8.5 (She puts a lot of her personality in these songs, which I always admire ... Unfortunately, she doesn't put a whole lot of excitement in them, either! ... But that's easy-to-be-overlooked.)

Track Reviews

Matter of Minutes 9/10

Do you want to know what I think about this song? Why should you? That's not why you clicked on this page and started reading these reviews, is it? NO! YOU WANT ME TO BEND OVER BACKWARDS AND NOT REALLY TELL YOU A THING ABOUT THIS, BUT YOU DO KNOW THAT I HAVE TO FILL UP ABOUT THREE TYPEWRITTEN PAGES WITH WORDS, WHETHER THEY ARE RELEVANT TO THE ALBUM OR NOT, AND YOU JUST WANT TO SEE WHAT TYPES OF THINGS I'M UP TO NOW ... eh? ... Well, crap! I'm just going to tell you what I think of this song, then! It's a strong opener for Mr. Colvin, this is a very nice and homely low-key song! It was produced very well, it has a nice melody, and it has plenty of personality. ... This is a good song! ... It's easy to get immersed in, it has plenty of depth and perception, and I love it to pieces. ... yup. SO THERE!

Whole New You 10/10

Man, it's really hard to keep my insanity when songs like this HAVE THIS ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL CHORUS!!!! ... and the rest of the song is great as well! OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, this song just TAKES OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF to GARGANTUAN heights, and it makes me think SHAWN COLVIN IS THE BEST PERSON WHO EVER LIVED AND STUFF!!!! If it were up to me, she would get her Lucky Charms. (..............not that she's a Leprechaun or anything ... she's not really even Irish ........ unless Ireland secretly annexed South Dakota .................... I wouldn't be surprised ............................ okay, that was a stupid joke ... but ... I don't think I feel like apologizing for it...)

Nothing Like You 9/10

Dudes ... I just remembered something ... Circles are, like, round, right? ... And you can have a straight line touching it ... like a tangent, you know? Well, if you have like wheels of a cart on the ground, then it's only about four one-dimensional lines that are holding it up ............... YEAH!!!!!!!! (I thought about that one time in 2001, I remember, and it totally freaked me out!!) ... Oh, wait, what was I doing? ... Oh yes, this song is nice. Quite nice. Nicity Nicity. Homely, lovely melody, Shawn Colvin is a hottie, the end.

Anywhere You Go 8.5/10

The melodddddddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy... is pretty good. It's dynamic and upbeat ... I really don't know why I don't care for this, though. Um ... maybe it sounds too radio. RADIOOOOOOOOO. If video killed the radio star, then who shot JFK? ... And who did in Richard M. Nixon's dog, Checkers? ... And when did man really walk the moon? ...

Bonefields 8/10

Bonefields! ... Eww! ... THAT IS SICK!!!!! ... SICK!!! ... Ummm ... This song is alright, too. I like its atmosphere most of all. It's low-key and ... uhhh ... good atmosphere. And ... oh, the melody isn't very catchy, but that's alright. The chorus is pretty well developed ... Yeah, this is a good one.

Another Plane 8.5/10

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. What of Richard M. Nixon's dog Checkers? ... Was he a real dog? .......... Chew on that one for awhile, o unenlightened donignacio.com readers ....... And this is another song! And it's pretty good! It kind of has an eerie atmosphere, which gives it a feeling that's ... uhhh ... eerie. ... And Shawn Colvin says a naughty word ... ooooo!

Bound to You 9/10

ANOTHER GOOD SONG!!!! Nice, atmospheric, and tasteful adult alternative music ... and we're all hippity happity and ... yeah.

Roger Wilco 8.5/10

Who is Roger Wilco? ... I don't know ... But he certainly was the subject of a nice song. It's as solid and strong as everything else on here ... very pleasant ... and pleasant is good.

Mr. Levon 9.5/10

Oh, that Shawn Colvin is magicccccccccallllllllllllll ... This is yet another very mellow song, but it is pleasant, and we're all happy and ... I really like that synth effect and the complex melody. Very nice, indeedy.

One Small Year 9/10

Why can't Shawn Colvin suck just for old times' sake? ... I mean, really! Every song on here, while unexciting, I guess, are all very good! This one has a good melody, nice personality, and a good presentation ... not even remotely sucky.

I'll Say I'm Sorry Now 8/10

Um ... this song is kind of borrrrrrrrringgggggggg. Many of these songs were boring, but this one is kind of bleak as well! Just a short, quiet song with a piano, and ... are you sure that you won't have me as a male escort? I work cheaply. ... Like for free.

Fall of Rome 8.5/10

That really sucked! ... The fall of Rome. In one of my other lives, I lived in Caesar Agustus's palace as a cockroach, and when Rome fell, people started dying, and all of my friends got squished with the falling bodies ....... What's wrong with my brain today? I'm supposed to be writing a paper for one of my classes, too ... thank goodness I'm doing this instead! Well, this final song in the album is another highly pleasant song. Of all the high pleasantries in the world, this is one of the tops. And I don't say that about everything, you know! Of course, it's downfall is that it's pretty unexciting. Not that bleak, but it's just ... bluh.

Shawn Colfax wants your comments here!