Go back to that big thing page with those funny people with wind that's forever in their hair Sucking the Big Thing Overall Album Score: 6.1 out of 10 Oh, Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran. What am I ever going to do with you? It's 1988 and you are almost completely washed-up. Oh. How sad. They follow that old pop trend they continued with their Notorious album, and apart from some nice slow tracks at the end, this is as late 80's radio pop as you get. Yep. It is True Blue by Madonna all over again, except that it's sung by guys ... Although, as long as we're still comparing this to Madonna, Duran Duran still has tons more talent than that expletive. And other people didn't write their best songs. (There are some decent songs on here by the way. You'll have to scan the track reviews if ya wanna know what they are.) Oh! And Andy Taylor (el guitarist) had departed the band. Like I really care ... For some reason, it is being kept this big secret about who is responsible for writing Duran Duran's songs. I know the band members write the songs, but if they mention anywhere which band members wrote which songs, I haven't seen it yet. Well, anyway, it was supposedly a huge tragedy when Taylor left the band. And, supposedly, his departure is the reason the band went to pot. Smoking pot might be a nice idea, though. Overall Album Score: 6.1 out of 10 (If this was a rock-and-roll graduate thesis, this would pass (if I was a rock-and-roll professor, that is). Nevertheless, this is such a disappointment from a band that used to create slick pop tunes so effortlessly.) Average Song Score: 6.7 (It might take a little bit of effort on your part, but the songs in Big Thing does have some merit.) Album Tilt: 6.0 (Inconsistent!) Artist Rating: 5.5 (Oooooooooooohhhhhhh ... The band is absolutely struggling ... and they're trying to get by with cheap, faceless pop ditties.) Track Reviews Big Thing 6/10 YOU CHEAP DITZ!!!!! ... Sorry. But I'm TWERPED OFF! Not only had Duran Duran completely forgotten how to write a nice, smooth synth song (this is an unexciting and craggy mess), they have forgotten how to write a decent melody. Where's the melody? I don't see no melody? Huh? But since this is the first track on here, I'll be nice to it. Other than the fact that I'm TOTALLY TWERPED OFF AT IT, I don't think it's a dismally awful thing. It's just not very good. I Don't Want Your Love 8/10 I don't want your stupid late-80s pop! Hmph! This is a typical radio (Madonna) pop song that'll make a certain segment of the American population vomit. Fortunately, I am not necessarily opposed to the late-80s radio pop "in theory," but I do think that this is track is blatantly cheap. A good melody, though, it might very well have. And, I actually like this better than 95% of the stuff that appeared on Madonna's True Flu, which I had the misfortune of downloading illegally off the Internet and reviewing. All She Wants Is 8/10 How absolutely faceless these guys have become! Could this POSSIBLY be the same people who absolutely dazzled me and the rest of the world with "Rio." (Don't you remember? Can't you remember it?!) Faceless this might be, but at least it was skillfully done. It's not corny or anything. This one's pretty suave, actually. So I don't hate this one, either. (Though, that repeating female groan that we keep hearing is ... um ... groan-inducing.) Too Late Marlene 7.5/10 Whew! This is unmistakably a late-80s pop ballad ... but at least it's not *quite* as blatant radio pop as the previous songs. This one is certainly nice and pleasant ... Unfortunately, what it lacks is a hooky melody. For a song like this to really work, you gotta have hooks ... or at least a nice chorus ... like you used to do in the olden days. That's just the facts of life, my friend. Drug (It's Just a State of Mind) 4.5/10 If "I Don't Want Your Love" was Duran Duran at a pale shadow of their former selves back during their Rio years, then "Drug (It's Just a State of Mind)" is Duran Duran at a pale shadow of their former selves at "I Don't Want Your Love!" This is dull and CHEAP late-80s dance pop. This is typical Madonna quality, actually. This is particularly sad considering that I hailed Duran Duran as being pop-gods compared to Madonna in their early albums. I am VERY disappointed to hear this. And no rock band wants me to be VERY disappointed with them. I might have to cut their allowance. Do You Believe in Shame 5.5/10 ...It's funny you asked that. It's kind of obvious that this band believes in shame. This is not completely awful. But it's dull ... and there's really no reason to listen to it. B-L-A-H. Palomino 8.5/10 This is not awful whatsoever! A slow, echoey sort of song ... it reminds me a bit of a song from a David Sylvian solo album. (And that's a good thing, of course.) Even better than that is the fact that this song has an actual melody. It's not a perfect song by any means (...I would argue that the song fails to catch fire, but my expectations weren't high...), but I would definitely call this one a pleasant breath of fresh air. Interlude One A thirty second 'interlude.' Believe me; now's not the time to pretend that you're artistic. Land 7/10 Another slow echoey sort of song! And it's tasteful! Why didn't they better organize this album? The first song an uneventful clunker, the next two tasteful late-80s pop, the following two tasteless late-80s pop, and now two slow, echoey songs. Unfortunately, where "Palomino" had a melody, this one has a nice melody every once in a while, but it mostly just echoes. It does make a rather pleasant listen, though fortunately. Flute Interlude And now Duran Duran's trying to be even more pretentious by inserting a 30-second FLUTE INTERLUDE! Oh-kay. No one's about to start performing The Nutcracker Suite. The Edge of America 5.5/10 Is America driving you guys out? Poor guys! ... This song is slow, but it's not particularly echoey. It's also really boring. But at least it isn't tasteless. It's boring, though. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN! When it picks up speed into a sort of industrial-pop song (or whatever you want to call it with them LOUD robotic drums and generic instruments), it really doesn't get much more exciting ... That is, unless you find turning the volume down on your speakers exciting. Lake Shore Driving (Me Bonkers) 6/10 This album is too long!!!! Isn't 50 minutes too long for an album? It should only be 30 minutes, dang it. I've got things to DO. I DON'T have time to listen to dull, emotionless instrumentals by Duran Duran. (I would have time to relisten to "Tel Aviv" from their eponymous debut, though.) Was the big thing a dud or what? It's not the size that matters. It's the enthusiasm. E-mail me your comments about this album here!

All reviews are copyrighted by the author, Michael Lawrence. He is known as "The Fragrant One" in certain circles.