Click on this link to go back to the empire that is the main Bob Dylan page Empire Hurlesque Overall Album Score: 7.9 out of 10 Helllllllooooooooooooo, you sexxxxxxxxxy burly emperor!!!!! You can rule over me *any* day of the week!--Eh? ... Oh! It's you. DON'T YOU KNOCK?! ... I want everything stricken from the record until "DON'T YOU KNOCK?!" Thank you. Now, what am I doing here? ... Hmmm ... That's odd. I'm here, and I have no idea why. Should I leave? -- Oh wait! I know why I'm here! I'm reviewing a Bob Dylan album, aren't I? Well, I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that Empire Burlesque isn't a bad album. (Yaaaaaay!) The bad news is that this is still the 80s, and for several moments in here, he seems to be suffering under the delusion that he is the guy who sang "Maniac" from Flashdance. Oh well. Bob Dylan is still a good songwriter ... and I like "Maniac" ... so it's not exactly a bad thing. Besides that, there are some good old regular-ish Dylan songs in here. "Tight Connection to My Heart" absolutely rules. ... That's really the only song in here that 'absolutely rules' ... but all the other songs on here are all right, too. There's not really a major clunker ... although "Never Gonna Be the Same Again" was very close. Oh, hey! This album's score tied exactly with Infidels. Imagine that. Empire Burlesque doesn't have Mark Knopfler on it. That's not cool. But I guess he was kinda busy milking out the success of his totally awesome and popular "Money For Nothin" song ... there was no reason for him to mingle with the likes of Bob Dylan any longer. Overall Album Score: 7.9 out of 10 (This isn't a disaster ... this isn't a masterpiece ... Heck! I guess that means Empire Burlesque is pretty average, then!) Average Song Score: 8.1 (This really isn't that bad a collection of songs ... Dylan's certainly not on top of his form ... but at least he's on top of *something*.) Album Tilt: 8.0 (Yeah ... this is fairly entertaining.) Artist Rating: 7.5 (Bob!!!!! Please, step away from the pop!) Track Reviews Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love) 9.5/10 I actually like this song quite a bit! (Not that other people don't like this song or anything ... everybody on the planet likes this.) This song sounds rather upbeat (although, if you take a look at the lyrics, you'd probably note that this isn't really supposed to be upbeat). Just the same, this is a nice song to listen to with a nice melody ... The production might be 80s-polished, but that fact doesn't detract from this song much. It's still quite stellar! Seeing the Real You At Last 7.5/10 This song is far from being unlistenable ... but I do agree with people that it is kind of annoying listening to Bob Dylan trying to be a regular old 80s rock star! This is a fairly decent song ... it's not anywhere near what this guy was doing during his peak years, but nothing ever is! It's fairly weak, but it's not failed. I'll Remember You 8.5/10 This is an easy song to appreciate! It still has that 80s-type production, but it has the feel of one of those old-time Dylan ballads! (Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!) In almost the slightest sense, this one can pick up my spirits ... but only slightly. This one is solid. Clean Cut Kid 7.5/10 This song is okay. It's very generic rock music, though. But it's happy! Never Gonna Be the Same Again 7/10 What does Bob Dylan keep on seeing in those female back-up singers????? They are annoying most of the time! Grrrr... This song is pretty good. I like the harpsichord in here. ... The melody is passable. But ... argh! I don't like that female back-up singer! They must have been random people he had been dating or something. Trust Yourself 8/10 This is a snappy song! ... This song does suggest quite strongly that Dylan had separated himself from Christianity. This doesn't sound like something somebody'd write if they were a strong Christian. ... That doesn't matter! This is a snappy song! And I like snappy songs! Emotionally Yours 9/10 This really does sound like an old Bob Dylan classic, but with an 80s sound to it. I've never personally objected to 'the 80s sound' that much ... so I guess this is okay, then! Really, though, this is a 'thoughtful' tune! That's cool! When the Night Comes Falling From the Sky 7.5/10 REALLY!!! If Bob Dylan was going to write songs like this, then why didn't he spare us the pain of having to listen to his singing voice and hire Pat Benatar or somebody? Holy cow! I've heard many-a-thing in my days, but I never once thought I'd hear Bob Dylan doing a DANCE song! CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS??? THIS IS SOMETHING PEOPLE WOULD DANCE TO AT A POPULAR NIGHTCLUB AND STUFF. Okay, despite the relative absurdity of this, this isn't a poor song whatsoever. The melody might be derivative, but it's a good one. The 80s dance production isn't awful at all ... in fact, this is well above average if you want to compare it to the regular stuff of the day. There was some well-done trinkets sprinkled throughout the song (maybe a bit below what David Bowie did with his hit "Let's Dance"). The only real downfall of this song is the length! It's nearly seven and a half minutes! And that's too long for the old-time Dylan fan to be shaking their heads in shame. Something Burning, Baby 7.5/10 IT'S UNDERWEAR!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!! Boy ... this song is entertaining, I'll give it that. But it sure does sound sloppy! ... Hmmm ... I'm just going to give 'er a 7.5 and be-done with it! Bwah hah! Dark Eyes 8.5/10 Pretty nice! This one has the same sort of melody that you might find in an old church hymn. ... Yes, it's not very rockingful ... but I like it! It's pleasant and Bob Dylan's voice fits wonderfully to it! It's not a weird 80s dance thing or anything. Get off your Empire Buttocks and send me your thoughts about this album here!

All reviews are copyrighted by the author, Michael Lawrence. He has a stomach for soul.