My Self Portrait, Which is Currently Going For Two Bucks at the Flea Market

Overall Album Score: 7.9 out of 10

As probably what's the second most controversial release of Bob Dylan's career, he releases an absolute Titanic of a clunker! This is 24 tracks worth of some of the most tacky and overblown songs! It makes you wonder: "Is this the same Bob Dylan that challenged me on The Freewheelin', the same Bob Dylan that rendered me breathless on Highway 61 Revisited, and pleased me on Nashville Skyline? Yes! Indeed it is!

Although, looking at it in retrospect, a move like Self Portrait did seem inevitable after Nashville Skyline, which was full of wonderfully pleasant and unchallenging country-western tunes. Self Portriat, is pretty much full of unchallenging country-western covers! (There is probably, however, a good album's worth of original material in here.) Not only are there more country-western songs on here, but there's also folk, boogie, blues, goofy psychedelia, 50s pop, show tunes, gospel music, etc. etc. You name it! Dylan's probably slapped the sucker on this album! He even adds live versions two of his own songs on here, which is TACKY. He also completely butchers Simon and Garfunkel's "The Boxer," which I am apparently the only critics who dislikes it! There is humor in this cover, though, but that doesn't mean I must like it.

He also seems to take quite a liking to lavish orchestras on some of these songs, which is something that Dylan hasn't really tried before. Normally, these orchestrations are pretty good.

Well ... I'm going to close the introduction of this review by adding that, even though this is Bob Dylan at a sort of strange point in his career and, clearly, an artistic low (whether he did it intentionally or not), I can sit through this album in its entirely and squirm not! And it's 74-minutes for cryin' out loud! That's not to mention the fact that I have a fairly short attention span! I might have dramatized a little bit of squirming in the track reviews, but, truthfully, the squirming was kept at an alarming minimum.

Overall Album Score: 7.9 out of 10 (This album is actually more entertaining than not. Even though it is one of Dylan's worst and most disastrous effort of his career, merely as a byproduct of this guy's talent, it is strong.)

Average Song Score: 8.3 (When it's all said and done, Bob Dylan still hadn't forgotten how to put together a decent song and produce another usually-enjoyable set of songs. And I do find this strange set of 24 tracks easier to digest than most of his old folkie stuff ... that's not to say, though, that this is an improvement!)

Album Tilt: 8.0 (What I find more surprising than anything is the fact that I can sit through this entire 73-minute album with hardly a groan! That said, this isn't really an impressive album ... but it is a lot better than what most critics say it is.)

Artist Rating: 7.5 (Nevertheless, I do agree with the critics who say that this is Bob Dylan at a surprising artistic low. I don't care if it was done on purpose! I don't care if this was the real Bob Dylan that he was trying to express! This album is Bob Dylan's equivalent of a clunker!)

Track Reviews

All the Tired Horses 7.5/10

I can see why 99 percent of the people are disappointed with this album! You can tell at the very beginning. This is an unremarkable track that just has a slightly annoying chorus that sounds likes it belongs somewhere in the 19th century ... that is with the exception, of course, for the rather lush symphonic background, which is something we certainly never heard from Dylan before! The background is the reason I'm scoring this track so high.

Alberta #4 8.5/10

This is pretty good! It's a simple blues-country ditty. Dylan uses his old, wheezy-style vocals on this one (which is a good thing). The tune is pretty good and so are the instrumentals. The only major objection I have to it are the background vocals, which sound almost like the singers were also being strangled by the grim reaper.

I Forgot More Than You'll Ever Know 9/10

Holy cow! Here comes goofy-voiced operatic Dylan again! This is a pretty darn good country-music cover. The background vocals aren't awful here, thankfully. I hate country music as a rule, but this one was done very well. It is clean, simple, and even enjoyable.

Days of 49 10/10

Well, this one does sound like a classic Dylan song ... even though it's a cover. Dylan, utilizing his good old wheezy-vocals, gives is a great song that sounds confident and bold. Also, it is entertaining! (You can't forget about that!) Good melody, performing, and everything. This is a strong case against people who think Bob Dylan was washed-up at this point of his career.

Early Mornin Rain 8/10

Oh! Oh! This is a pretty good song, too! I'm sure that Gordon Lightfoot was honored to have the king of folk cover one of his songs but ... heck! Why does Bob Dylan need to cover Gordon Lightfoot? Your guess is as good as mine! Actually, I find this cover much more tolerable than the original, because Bob added in some beautiful background stuff. The major thing I have against the song is that it doesn't really have enough melodic creativity and it gets boring. (Notice that Bob Dylan switches back and forth from his wheezy-vocals-a-glory to his country-operatic-goofy vocals. Interesting!)

In Search of Little Sadie 8.5/10

Well, this Dylan original does sound creative to me! What's with those crazy acoustic guitar chords! It sounds a bit twisted to me! ... Then, Bob switches to a different melody ... it still sounds fairly unusual for some reason. Oh, I don't know what to think.

Let it Be Me 8/10

The background vocals really suck at the beginning of this song here, but then toward the middle of the song, when they're singing "ooooo," they suddenly turn into assets. Oh heck! Overall, this slow-paced song is very entertaining in spots and kind of boring in other spots. (I give up! I'll compromise with an 8!)

Liddle Sadie 7/10

This isn't bad ... but I won't call this Dylan original good, either. It's rather boring, actually, but it only lasts for 2 minutes.

Woogie Boogie 7/10

R&B -- ? Ewwwwwww! I'm not sure why, but I'm discovering that I nearly detest old-style R&B. If it wasn't for some great instrumental performances and some tasteful choices in arranging, I would hate this track.

Belle Isle 9.5/10

Oooooooooooooohhhhhh! This Dylan original is near-perfect! It just doesn't seem to click for me, though, which is why I'm refraining from going with a full 10 on this one. Nevertheless, it's a lovely song that has some very nice arranging to it!

Living the Blues 9/10

It's not bad! It's punchy and keen. It ain't perfect, though. I still hate the background vocals! (These background vocals sound like they're from the soundtrack of a bad 40s musical.) But I do like this nearly joyous song other than that.

Like a Rolling Stone 7.5/10

...Well, Bobby nearly screws up one of his best songs! But not entirely! It's a live cut. (And I am almost-always opposed to the addition of live songs in the middle of studio albums ... it's always so danged tacky!) Bob sings this with his goofy voice and ... Dude! It just sounds awful! I really should dock it more points, but I think that I'll just pretend for now that I wasn't aware that the original ever existed.

Copper Kettle (The Pale Moonlight) 7/10

This is a cover of something by somebody! (Heck! The All-Music Guide has no record of the song's composer, other than it was written by somebody named Beddoe ... and I think it is probably Jason Beddoe, who never recorded this song himself.) It's really insignificant, though. Bob's version is too ... um ... Christmasy?

Gotta Travel On 8.5/10

I've got to travel on! This album has been going on for too long, already! I like this song perfectly until those stupid, tacky chorus vocals appear in the background. Somebody please sell me a version of this album without those vocals! They're CRAP! I'm almost thinking Bob chose those jerks to sing in the background just so it would make himself sound better!

Blue Moon 8/10

OH MAN! Bob Dylan's really lost it now! Oh ... and ... look out your window!

(_)(_)

... HAH HAH! I COULDN'T RESIST!

I'm betting that Bob Dylan was thinkin' to himself in his Bob Dylan thinkin' room: "What song would they least expect me to cover?" Instead of saying "Lydia the Tattoo Lady," he said "Blue Moon." Oh well! Why not? I like waggling my bare-butt at people the same as the next person.

The Boxer 7.5/10

WHAT THE HAAYLL! Does anybody out there remember David Bowie's Pin Ups album, where David completely butchers the hell out of old 60s classics and sounds like he's enjoying himself so much that he's pissing his pants? Well Bob Dylan is the original David Bowie! He absolutely mutilates this Simon and Garfunkel classic. And get this! He records both the melody and harmony vocals one time in his original wheezy voice and the other time in his goofy-high voice! How weird is that? That said, this song is utterly mutilated. And, it ain't exactly fun to listen to ... in my opinion.

The Mighty Quinn (Quinn the Eskimo) 10/10

Hey! Those stupid background vocals aren't on this one! (There are some background vocals on this one, but they are drunken male voices, so it's okay.) Yay! That's the whole reason why I'm giving this a 10. This is a fun, fast-paced song that is reminiscent of The Beatles whenever they enjoy themselves. It's a Dylan original and it ties with "Days of 49" as the best track of the album.

Take Me As I Am 9/10

...but you have a huge dent inya! This is a straight-country song that is just moseying out of my computer speakers as pleasantly as possible. I really do dislike country music, but Dylan surely knows how to record them masterfully.

Take a Message to Mary 8.5/10

... And the message sayeth: "Hark! This album is almost over! Huzzah!" And to that, I say huzzah, too! Because I have a girl waiting for me back at home! This song is entertaining and the background vocals are thoroughly not annoying. Such is another reason for me to exclaim HUZZAH!

It Hurts Me Too 9/10

Hey! If it wasn't for Bob Dylan singing in his goofy voice, this one would be a complete throwback to his old folkie days. It's just Dylan singing with an acoustic guitar ... but there's no harmonica! Oh!

Minstrel Boy 6/10

Oh man! He cried wolf on us! The moment Bob gives us some of his good folk stuff, he wiggles his backside at us and creates a really tacky spiritual. Ohhhhhhhhhhh boy. Just barely is this song listenable.

She Belongs to Me 9/10

Yeah ... this is a live cut, but this is much much better than the live version of "Like a Rolling Stone." In fact, it's so much better that I would venture to say that it is MUCH better. Though I still think that live versions of your own classic songs in a studio album is really TACKY.

Wigwam 8.5/10

Holy Moley! Bob Dylan certainly doesn't fail to SHOCK. These horrendously exaggerated horn sections on this one ... I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be laughing, but I am! Think of The Beatles' "Flying" from Magical Mystery Tour and you've pretty much got the idea of Bob Dylan's "Wigwam." The lyrics consist of "Lahs" and "Dees," the song is incredibly goofy, but it's actually very entertaining.

Alberta #2 9/10

Hey! I missed "Alberta #1!" ... But for some reason, I caught an "Alberta #4." Is your head broken, too, or is it just me? The background vocals suck again! Nevertheless, I actually find "#2" better than "#4." I just looked it up on the All-Music Guide and it says one of these background singers is named Maerthea Stewart. Mmmmm Mmmmmm. No wonder she changed her name slightly and went into professional homemaking. And ... *whew*! This album is FINALLY over. I can get back to my woman now ... if she's still there.

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