Flisbleep Muzik

Overall Album Score: 5.6 out of 10

Apparently, Brian Eno was in an automobile crash and hospitalized when he got the idea for this album. ... Having, I guessed, escaped being in a coma from the ordeal, he decided to put us in one!

The first time Eno really tries to create AMBIENT music that attempts to create an actual mood. (No Pussyfooting was just a bunch of nerds noodling around ... this tries to be moody.) And ... uhhhhhhhh ... the only real mood that it creates is that of boredom. And me screaming. STOP IT!!!! STOP IT WITH THOSE VIOLINS!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE ME NIGHTMARES!!!! GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I liked the first track (the title track) enough. It's an absolutely lengthy and boring snooze-fest, but it was decent enough I suppose for mood music. It's a lot like listening to wind chimes for a half an hour and nothing else. It's good enough if you're in a wind chime-listening mood, which for me is NEVER. But as long as I wasn't paying too close attention to it, it was an all right experience.

After that, however, there are some so-called variations of Pachabell's Canon ... Eno altered that gorgeous, baroque masterpiece and made it suck! WAY TO FREAKING GO!!!!!! ... It's a bizarre variation, too, because there happens to not be a melody! And ... Arrrrrghhhhhhhh ... even trying to sacrifice my pop-loving ways for the love of the art, I just couldn't take most of it.

Experimental to the core, but it'll take a complete lunatic to enjoy this. I tried as best as I could, but ... no dice. And no rice, either. (I want some rice. Does anyone have some rice? I really want some rice.)

Overall Album Score: 5.6 out of 10 (This album might be tremendously artistic and experimental, but that doesn't mean that I HAVEN'T ABSOLUTELY LOST MY MIND!!!!!!!!)

Average Song Score: 5.8 (The title track is decent, but verrrrrry long and contains no melody. And the variations of Pachabell's Canon are hardly even bearable.)

Album Tilt: 5.0 (Crap if I wasn't trying to rip out my eardrums after this.)

Artist Rating: 6.0 (That's all this is ... an artistic excursion. ... It might have helped things if there was a little melody added here and there, but ... for the sake of art, I'll let it slide only a little bit.)

Track Reviews

Discreet Music 14/20

I'm listeningggggggggg to this 31-minute track and ............ NOTHING SEEMS TO BE HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All this track contains is a bunch of serene, peaceful sounds that are, allegedly, designed to set us in a certain mood. There's no melody here. Just a bunch of noises. It is effectively comparable to wind chimes, if you've ever been mesmerized by those things. This is strictly a take-it-or-leave it song. Either you're going to loooooveeeeee being mesmerized by this, or you're going to be bored out of your mind. ... I'm certainly bored out of my mind, but ........ for what this song was designed to accomplish, it did a nice job. At least it isn't monotonous.

Fullness of Wind 6/10

A variation of Pachabell's Canon. Nothing could be more utterly screwed up! The original song is gorgeous, but this sounds alarmingly evil!!!! It's not a particularly good song as a mood piece, either. I wish that Eno would have tried melody on for size in mood music!! Pleaseeeeee!!!! ... Ah, you freaking experimenter.

French Catalogues 5/10

Another variation ... Where's "Pachabell's Canon," again??? I'm sure that it's in here somehow. ... I'm not sure why I'm listening to this. ................ It seems like it's just a bunch of crazy violins going off in random outbursts. It's not very pretty and it's not very enjoyable.

Brutal Ardour 4/10

Again ... this song just seems to only contain a bunch of random violin noises with no method to the madness. ... Well, I can see a little method to the madness (there is some order, at least), but ... this is practically unbearable.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, please send me your comments if you've listened to this album and you're not comatose here!