Be Yuri Zhivago Tonight

Overall Album Score: 8.1 out of 10

Hello, folks! Thanks for clicking on this page! ... Um, I have no advertisements on this site at the moment, but I think I'm going to have to start, because I'm running out of money. Since I absolutely despise pop-up ads and those stupid flash animations that plague a lot of Web sites, I'm going to start peppering my reviews with subliminal advertising. I prompted the Coca Cola company if they would fund my new money making endeavors, and they said they would give me two dollars and eighty cents for an elaborate mention in a Eurythmics review. Sweet.

Dreams. Are. Made. Of. COOOOOOCA COOOOOOOOLAAAAAAAA.

The only way to enjoy a Eurythmics albums is with a cool Coca Cola in hand. I have a cool Coca Cola in my left hand right now, and a cool Diet Coke in my right hand, and I am typing this with my nose. Even though physics can't afford me to actually take a sip of either of these drinks without spilling everything other than boogars all over my keyboard, the mere feel of cool Coca Cola products in hand make me feel more like a man. They also make me feel more like a woman (so this stuff is good for *all* genders).

OK, so let's get to the album reviewing. Be Yourself Coca-Cola is the album in which the Eurythmics have essentially reached their commercial peak. Uh oh, I just spilled 1/4 of a Coca Cola on my keyboard ... and my keyboard is LIKING it! A poisonous Pepsi product certainly cannot gain such appreciation from computer accessories!

There are a good handful of impressive songs on here bred for the '80s pop radio. Some of them even gain appreciation from today's audiences much like Coca Cola products, which has been the number one beverage in the United States since the 1920s. The best of these songs is certainly "Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves." Even though I'm not a woman (but I feel like one thanks to Coca Cola) and so the whole fem-dom thing doesn't really mean anything to me, that song has such a rambunctious spirit that is seldomly surpassed. This song's up there with those freaking famous Pat Benatar songs. Yup. That's pretty fem-dom.

Some of the other songs aren't as famous, but they're pretty good, too! I'm particularly fond of "Here Comes That Sinking Feeling" which packs on some impressive atmosphere. Likewise, the first two songs are as memorable as my first sip of Coca Cola when I was but a mere youngin. "Would I Lie to You?" is a solid, driving album opener and "There Must Be an Angel" is as heavenly as the song's title suggests. Nice.

Unfortunately (as it is unfortunate that some *EVIL DEMON POSSESSED* restaurants and university campuses only make Pepsi products available for purchase much to the demise of public health), there are some sloppy songs on here, too. "I Love You Like a Ball and Chain" doesn't have a melody to speak of, and it's instrumentation is somewhat interesting but not compelling. "Conditioned Soul" seemed tossed off and is boring (like Pepsi). "It's Alright (Baby Comes Back)" is farily mediocre. Hmm... Well, the Eurythmics already spoke everything they needed to artistically in In the Garden, so why be overly artistic when you're just being a pop band? They're one of the better pop bands, anyway. But, this just makes buying Eurythmics albums over a greatest hits collection less worth it.

But Coke's always worth it. Even without all the cocaine, which I'm sure some of you who are still dismayed that the company quit adding to their delicious beverages sprinkle onto your drinks. There's nothing wrong with that of course. You can enjoy a Coca Cola with or without the narcotics. And there's no chance of overdose unlike with Pepsi products.

Track Reviews

Would I Lie To You? 9/10

...No, scary women who are extremely skinny, have short hair and powerful singing voices would *never* lie to me. Because women like that always tell the truth. For example, "Dreams" rhymes with "This." (Will I ever get sick of bringing that "Sweet Dreams" mis-rhyms? Would I lie to you?) Anyway, this is an appropriately powerful synth-rocker with a rather simplistic melody, but loud and driving drums, electric guitars that won't take "no" for an answer, and a synth-horn section that threatens to strip me of all this chest hair. Actually, I wish the horns would get rid of my chest hair, because it's getting a bit thick and this is no longer the 1970s. ... Speaking of this *track* that I'm supposed to be reviewing, I think it's a fantastic way to start and album. It's a good thing to let blare out of your speakers while driving down crowded trafficky roads so that the drivers next to you can laugh at you because you're listening to '80s music. This happens to me all the time ... and I love it, baby.

There Must Be an Angel 8.5/10

I really like the instrumentation on here. It's so well-polished and, as the song's title and lyrical themes would call for, it's heavenly sounding. Lennox gives us some of that high range in her four-octave voice in the background with some magical "angel" singing. Her lead singing is powerful and dedicated, which is always the best thing about listening to Annie Lennox. She might haunt my nightmares, but she's a fantastic singer and I love listening to her. ... I like the melody quite a bit, too. I'm not too sure about the rather awkward gospel bit in the middle of it, even though Lennox sure does have them gospel-singing pipes!

I Love You Like a Ball and Chain 7/10

Hey, this is 80s music! Dude!!!!! ... Oh wait, I was aware of that already. In fact, I think I even mentioned that in a few track reviews above this one. Anyway, this one has a very '80s groove with some rapid New Wavey guitar picking. This song also has a pretty crappy melody, which *kills* it. Annie Lennox might still have that impressive voice (and she's doing a lot of impressive vocal things here, although she's goofing off more than showing off). The '80s instrumentation will make a lot of people grown and ... yeah, this song isn't compelling whatsoever. There were some musically interesting ideas on here (notably the stereo fade-ins and outs toward the end) but not compelling in the aesthetic sense, unfortunately.

Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves 10/10

Yay! This song rules at least! The groove is pretty neat (and very '80s, but in a good way), and the melody is catchy, too. Lennox gives her signature scary woman vocal performance here. There's also some pretty neat funky guitar going off in the background, which certainly helps matters. Women probably like this song more than I do. Since I have seen a woman before and even talked to a few on occasion, I do know that they have a strong opinion of this song. I'm going to approach one of them on my university campus and get a comment from one right now.
Woman: Do you really want to know about the Eurythmics or do you just want to get inside my pants?
Sorry ... Um ... I can't talk to women ... I'm sorry ... Seriously, if I ever run into Annie Lennox, she'll probably strike me dead of a heart attack with a single glare of her eyeballs.

Conditioned Soul 6.5/10

You know, it's really easy to tell when this group is just tossing off songs. Although, I was in doubt about "I Love You Like a Ball and Chain," because at least that had some weird stuff. This one's an incredibly simple song with an incredibly simple melody, boring instrumentation and ... even Annie Lennox sounds bored. On the good side, at least this song has some build-up, but they obviously didn't work hard on this one. YYYAWWWNNNNNnnnn..................

Adrian 8/10

This song is kind of neat! This one's particularly '80s, but at least it has a nice and catchy melody. Granted, it's not as well written as 'Sisters,' and it does seem rather cheap. But I like it. It puts a smile on my face, and it's not because I'm drugged up with anti-depressants. (And I don't take anti-depressants anyway. How did that rumor go around?) The instrumentation is high pitched and sweet. There's nothing particularly amazing about this song, but there's no reason for me to dislike it.

It's Alright (Baby's Coming Back) 7/10

What's with all this confounded laziness? The melody is derivative off of a lot of other pop songs that have been rolling over since the 1960s and the instrumentation is just about as routine as '80s music gets. I want more 'Sisters' and 'Would I Lie' and stuff like that. CRAP ON ALL OF YOU, EURYTHMICS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Annie Lennox: *Glares*
Don Ignacio: *Dies*

Here Comes That Sinking Feeling 9.5/10

So, apparently Annie Lennox just killed me. Now, I don't usually let such little things twerk me off like this, but I'm really kind of angry at this. I wasn't ready to die. Not yet. I wasn't even depressed! I'm hella glad that my corpse has typing skills. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to write this review. ... Well, before Annie Lennox murdered me, I was *ABOUT* to tell her that I enjoy the song on this album called "Here Comes That Sinking Feeling." This song has particular meaning to me, because 'That Sinking Feeling' is exactly what I felt as my lifeless corpse was hitting the floor. Plus, the busy instrumentation keeps this song aesthetically interesting. The interesting synthesizer choices makes one a pleasure to listen to. The melody is pretty good, but this is more of an atmospheric piece, and I like that. Annie Lennox. John Stewart. I applaud you.
Annie Lennox: That Dave Stewart, young chappie. But just to show you that I'm not the evil bitch you think I am, I'll place your soul back in your body.
Don Ignacio: Hey, thanks, dude! ... ... ... I mean, thanks, ma'am.
Wow, I totally had no idea that Annie Lennox had such powers. Maybe that's one of the many benefits of being one of the 300,000 people who won an Academy Award for The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King.

Better to Leave 8.5/10

This song is kind of interesting, but I think it's pretty sloppy! That's a shame because the chorus does a few interesting things, and they could have been turned into something pretty captivating. Otherwise, I like the instrumentation of this song overall. It's pretty dark and sinister but it's approachable, which is a nice quality. Lennox isn't on the top of her vocal game, but it's as solid as a particularly hard rock (like that one igneous rock that I kept on trying to pound with my rock hammer at a geology field trip, but couldn't do anything with because I have noodle arms). ... Oh, this review's over. Thank you.

Oh. Comments. Yuri Dhoeirodkkvxxkxkxvvvzzzz. here.