Go back to the main Foreigner page like a double [vision] agent [provocateur]! Agent Proschlockateur Overall Album Score: 6.4 out of 10 I'm reviewing another Foreigner album ... oh what's wrong with me? Foreigner took a three year break after 4 and, during this time, they locked themselves in a closet and came up with this album ... that's not really good. In fact, it's not better than their last album. And they didn't need three years to come up with that. Why did they have to lock themselves in that closet, again? Heck if I know! Although, there is a really good song on here by the name of "That Was Yesterday." The year is 1984, which was a time when the pop-culture demanded that every rock band in existence to stop doing all those cool blistering guitar solos and wild drumming and begin doing something new: sucking. And, Foreigner certainly had no problem with this. They were doing the "sucking" thing way before the average mainstream rock band succumbed to it. Indeed, they continue with the trends and use even more synthesizers and drum machines than they did even in 4. Now ... it's not that I really object to the 80's pop music production values. After all, its main purpose is to please the audience! And, under the right circumstances, it does that very well. (Duran Duran!) Foreigner's Agent Provocateur is certainly in the right form to do this. But it doesn't quite work for them. Unfortunately, throughout all this time they spent locked up in their closet, Foreigner STILL hadn't figured out how to write a decent melody! Apart from (count 'em) two fine melodic tracks, everything else is just BLAND 80's GARBAGE! But at least it's solid bland 80's garbage. And it doesn't annoy me. Through my months so far of reviewing albums, I've learned how valuable it is not to be annoyed by something. It's not really a compliment, but thank you anyway, Foreigner! You still put me to sleep, though. Overall Album Score: 6.4 out of 10 (Yawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwn! I think it's high time that we deported these guys. Seriously.) Average Song Score: 7.1 (There are like two songs in here that broke the 8-barrier. Everything else ranges from mediocre to dead dull. There's nothing on here that outlandishly sucks, though.) Album Tilt: 6.0 (Apart from the two good songs in here, and a few other solid numbers, there's not a whole lot to enjoy about this album. There's a lot of boring stuff in the middle here. I gave 4 a higher rating here with a slightly lower song score ... that's because I find this album quite a bit duller, more uniform, and generic.) Artist Rating: 6.0 (Do you expect me to give Foreigner strong art points? Never!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Track Reviews Tooth and Nail 7.5/10 A solid intro. It's appropriately loud-n-heavy. Sure, there's a drum machine, but this one doesn't rely so heavily on the synthesizers. (It's a good thing.) There's nothing particularly memorable about the song, or particularly anything enjoyable about it while I'm listening to it. I certainly feel contented, however. That Was Yesterday 10/10 Well! What do we have here? A perfectly memorable song?! NO! IT WOULD NEVER WORK! NEVER! What's that I hear? A good melody? NOOO! IMPOSSIBLE! Of course you can't compare this song to ANYTHING the Beatles did. But this song is remarkably good for Foreigner. (It's even better than "Urgent" that I ever-so-praised on 4.) It's 100 percent stupendous! It even puts the 80's production values to good use. The synthesizer that sounds like a cosmic harpsichord was really well designed. Luverly! I'm going to venture to say that this is Foreigner's best song ever. I Want to Know What Love Is 8.5/10 This one's good, too. (It also reached #1 on the single charts whereas "That Was Yesterday" didn't do as well.) This is a slow, power ballad that borders on being real SAPPY. But what it doesn't border on is being REAL boring. Nevertheless, this song is nothing but solid and it sounds like people with real talent were working on it. (And the melody, while it's not excellent, it's perfectly accessible and memorable.) Unlike some of the dreck that's about to happen... Yikes! They overplay this one on the radio, too. Why can't they overplay "Hey Jude," or "The Space Oddity?" Growing Up the Hard Way 7/10 A nice chorus! It's pretty explosive, expressive, and memorable, even! It might even be fondly regarded. But the rest of the song is pretty sloppy, dull, and (unlike the songs that preceded) amateurish! It relies almost entirely on a stupid drum machine. STUPID DRUM MACHINE! It's still on the solid side. Reaction to Action 5/10 It's not nearly as sloppy as the last track, but it doesn't have a good chorus to fall back upon. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Stranger in My Own House 5.5/10 Maybe the instrumentation here gets a little bit more interesting, but the song is nothing but a melody-less void of hard, cocky rock stuff where there are a lot of guitar noises and a lot of screaming. There's also a lot of BORING. BORRRRRRRRING. YAWWWWWN! A Love in Vain 5.5/10 Man, dude! This album really took a deep plunge into crap! This is an utterly boring and SAPPY power-ballad. I'd rather scald myself to death with boiling tootsie roll. Down on Love 6.5/10 I'm getting sick of this! The song is still boring dreck, but I'm finding this one a little more enjoyable. The melody ... WHERE? But it's got a nice pace of things. That doesn't make it a good song, though. BLAH! Down on FOREIGNER. Two Different Worlds 7.5/10 HEY! This is a good song! The singing is passionate. (Albeit, I don't care what the heck it is that he's singing about. It must be important whatever it is. Most importantly of all, however, this song is nice-and-fun. She's Too Tough 7.5/10 Well at least Foreigner figured out the best way to structure their albums. Great stuff at the beginning and good stuff at the end so that we might possibly forget that crap in the middle. BUT IT DOESN'T WORK! I STILL REMEMBER IT! This song is really really stupid, but it's solid. And it's loud. And it doesn't suck too badly. And it makes me ask: Now can we deport these damned Foreigners? Haven't I convinced ya? Yo! E-mail me here with your stupid ideas!

All reviews are copyrighted by Michael Lawrence. He's the greatest secret agent provocateur there ever was.