Cranium Monopoly
Overall Album Score: 7.4 out of 10 Foreigner's third effort is *ack* SIGNIFICANTLY IMPROVED! Even more! Surprisingly. A foreigner: Yah! Allja needed tah do iz tah haf a wittle fayaith ant desse foweigner guysill git bettah! See! Tolja! A native: Go eat a sausage. Although, by no means is this an ARTISTIC success. (It was a radiola success, though.) This is all still straightforward and dumb. The only major difference is that the band has largely matured and developed better songwriting skills. They've also a gotten a bit grittier (which is just as well). If I'm going to listen to a stupid band, I'd rather them be gritty than polished. It's more fun to crank-up the living beola out of it and do the bugulu with it (and it also makes my parents wonder why I'm listening to music they rejected back in that day). "Gritter," however, doesn't mean that they took to their guitars and created some good-time rock-and-roll. They threw away a couple of them guitars and bought synthesizer keyboards. That's not necessarily a bad thing, though. Although, I'm almost positive that they would have improved anyway. Foreigner is like good toilet paper. It has a use. You use it. And when you're done, you flush it down the toilet. I use this music to listen to very loud and then I flush it down my mental toilet. I would do no good hanging around in my brain. It would just attract mental flies. And I don't want those things mentally buzzing around in my head. I already have enough things bothering me in my head, and flies wouldn't make the situation any better. Speaking of crap ... OH MAN ... what the #*#$ is with that album cover? That's got to be THE ABSOLUTE EPITOME of BAD album covers that ever existed! Yuck! And what the CRAP does this album title mean? This looks like a job for THE CHURCH LADY! To close this section of this review, this album has more "goods" than Foreigner had previously offered. There are much better songs on here! But there are some stinkers on here, too. Overall Album Score: 7.4 out of 10 (The songs are certainly better. The band improved their act. It's not a great achievement, or anything I'd particularly like to listen to. But it's not bad at all.) Average Song Score: 7.8 (Oh man! What a mammoth improvement! There are two excellent tracks on here. But, perhaps what's more phenomenal is that no track on here actually failed.) Album Tilt: 7.5 (The album still doesn't strike me as being anything great, though. But at least I can listen it all the way through without groaning.) Artist Tilt: 7.0 (They pull together a few somewhat impressive songs! But I compared these guys to toilet paper, didn't I?) Track Reviews Dirty White Boy 7.5/10 The album starts on a positive note. (The song is about none other than our very favorite dirty white boy: Linda Tripp.) The melodic quality of this track is passable, but at least Foreigner knows how to rock out. It's an average radio tune, to be sure. Love on the Telephone 8/10 Hah! Are these guys Foreigner's or are they going Styx? This sounds like a bloody Styx song. That said, it's better than Styx, but that might only be because it doesn't go through these stupid instrumental passages. STYYYYYYX. It sounds almost like a Styx-ified "Cold as Ice." Women 9.5/10 Whoah! See what I mean? Foreigner seems like they've got it together FOR ONCE. This is actually a GOOD song with a GOOD tune a GOOD riff, and a GOOD title! (I mean, most songs in rock-and-roll are ultimately about women anyway, so why the heck don't we just name them all "Women?") CRAP! After going through all those other Foreigner albums, I never thought I'd run across something as decent as this. #*$#@. I mean ... I scored some other Foreigner songs a 9.5, but that was just because I was feeling sorry for them. This one might actually deserve it. I'll Get Even With You 8/10 This song is pretty good, too. It has nice chord structures ... the tune isn't great, but you can whistle to it if that is your poison. 'Tis a good arena-rock song, if nothing else. Seventeen 6.5/10 Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Boo. Ah! What could I have expected? Foreigner doing more than two good songs in a row was kind of wishful thinking anyway. Though, this song isn't bad. It rocks hard enough. Nothing in here is CATCHY, unfortunately. The chorus is rather awful. But the riff is hard-rockin' enough for me to enjoy it. Head Games 6/10 Just because it's the title track doesn't mean that it's the best track! Technically, the song is just fine. But it's needs more life breathed into it! It couldn't have hurt to have sped the tempo up a little bit, either. B-Lah. The Modern Day 8/10 Okay! The quality picks up a little bit here! The tune is good. Only if it were played a little bit faster, it would have been better. (Is that really too much to ask for?) It might have made a decent New Wave song then. Actually, this song is pretty good as it stands. So you'll hear no more complaining from me. Blinded By Science 7/10 This is a STUPID song. But, DANGIT, the song is actually enjoyable. It's a slower song that overuses the synthesizer like a good 80's song. The tune doesn't have any particularly good hooks in it, but I find those "oooooooooh's" in the background almost engaging. It's excessive and crappy, but I can't help enjoying it at least a little bit. Do What You Like 10/10 Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa? Hruhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?! YOU LYING PIECE OF POOPOO! WHAT THE #*#((#($**#(*$ DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING PUTTING THIS SONG AT ALMOST THE VERY END OF THE ALBUM???!?!?!??!?! IT IS BY FAR THE BEST SONG BY THIS BIRD-POOP BAND AND YOU FREAKING HIDE IT AT THE END OF THIS ALBUM????!?!?!?!?!?!?! WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH YOUR HEAD, KERMIT? Okay ... this is an exaggeration, surely. But ... CRAP ... this is the best song Foreigner's done to this point. By far, it has the greatest melody, it has very nice instrumentals, CRUDDUDUDUDUDUDDUDUDUDU. There was still room for development, but at this point of my Foreigner reviewing career, who gives a poop? Rev on the Red Line 7/10 No. But I'll do something else on the red line. Ooooooohh waaahahahaaaa! This song is just BLAH. There is nothing in here that really grabs for my attention like a lot of these other songs did. Except, perhaps the loud instrumentation might take in some listeners. But me? No. There's nothing great here. But I enjoy it well enough. Agree? Disagree? Pedigree? Send your ideas here! rjkaar@sbcglobal.net (Stewart) received Jan. 1, 2005 Amazing how you artistically trash this Album. But it may be you can not just simply say objectively your point of view with out the sarcastic edge. Or do you prefer to coattail success anyway you can since you appear to have limited success compared to this band. And the cover is what it is. Why not email them and ask them then enlighten us as to why they chose the cover they did??? However I presume your acid like comments are set in concrete. Don Ignacio responds: Sorry I didn't meet to your approval, although, I am glad that your overall impression of this review was "acid like." I was going for the whole citric acid swing, so it is comforting to hear your thoughts about it. I'll get on this e-mail thing right away, although I can't guarantee that my efforts will be met with very much success. Thanks for reading my site and for taking the time to fill out a comment form. Please come back! We have a whole new year ahead of us! |
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