Be it the last temptation of clicking on this link ... Passion Fruit -- Music for "The Last Temptation of the Calvinist Fruit Bat" Overall Album Score: 8.8 out of 10 First: this is a soundtrack. A LOOOOOOONGGGGGGGGG soundtrack. However, rest assured that this certainly ain't a boring soundtrack. I mean, it might pretty much take up your entire afternoon to try reviewing (*huff, huff*), but I certainly could have spent my entire afternoon reviewing something less worthwhile. Like Cyndi Lauper. I spent part of my morning reviewing her. (I wish I had a life.) Anyway, check out the overall album score! That's an 8.8!! For a 65-minute SOUNDTRACK to a movie I never saw! And this isn't a musical. No, this isn't Jesus Christ Superstar. This is a science-fiction type movie about Jesus Christ, if I'm not mistaken ... a movie that's allegedly blasphemous. But that's hardly relevant to this discussion. BLASHPHEMORSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! I guess it would make sense that a movie so allegedly blasphemous would have a lot of songs on it that sound like they were written for the Zen-kung-fu master who likes to meditate via impressive martial arts poses on the side of a mountain. ... I think that Eastern stuff takes up the majority of this album. There's a small handful of songs that, I suppose, I would classify as rock (...ala Peter Gabriel staples...) and there's even fewer straight classical music numbers. ... It's amazing that for an album that's supposed to be a soundtrack, that most of this doesn't sound particularly like incidental music for a movie. It sounds like Peter Gabriel made it for us to listen to on our stereo!! Like on purpose! ... And it works, dangit, it works! I have no idea what this music did for The Last Temptation of Christ, but it sure makes a pretty good listening experience. ... Oh yeah, baby baby. Baby baby baby baby baby. I'm not sure how many non-musical movie soundtracks are going to sound this great. NOT MANY! I'M GOING TO TRY REVIEWING THE SOUNDTRACK TO "TITANIC" AND SEE IF IT EVEN VAGUELY MEASURES UP!!!!!!!! ... Of course I've seen that movie and the sheer suckiness of it might influence my review. I'M KING OF THE WOOOOORLLLLLLLLLLLLLLDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD! Overall Album Score: 8.8 out of 10 (Exceedingly good for a soundtrack! Too bad for Pete that he didn't choose more of a blockbuster...) Average Song Score: 8.8 (Good songs!!!!!!! And only two or three of these songs has vocals on it. This is Gabriel trying to DAZZLE you in the studio, and he's successful!) Album Tilt: 8.5 (My afternoon is totally shot! But putting the length of this soundtrack aside, you'll probably be surprised at how this soundtrack is interesting whether or not you're actively listening to it.) Artist Rating: 9.0 (It's amazing at how entertaining this ambient album is.) Track Reviews The Feeling Begins 10/10 Listening to this song, you'd almost think that this song is about Buddha! Not Jesus! This sounds so bloody EASTERN that ... uhhhh ... Jesus is supposed to sound like ... I dunno ... Handel's Messiah, or something. Eh, it doesn't matter. Christians don't want to have anything to do with this movie anyway, or this soundtrack for that matter. However, speaking on a totally secular way, this is a pretty DANG GOOD SONG! OF COURSE I really love the Eastern sound of this ... and those awesome tribal drums, how they pick up steam at the end of the song. It's very very good for just soundtrack music. Gethsemane 9/10 A bunch of strange pan flues (or whatever) going off in a windchime-esque manner ... and then this huge synth that sounds like a sea vessel horn going off in the background. Interesting! ... And I might add that it's great listening to it ... even though it was meant to go along with images or something. Of These, Hope 10/10 You would think that Gabriel would be great for doing soundtracks, wouldn't you? ... It's like Genesis music for the MOVIES!!!!! ... And ... uhhhhh ... well, this is just soundtrack music! But this is INTERESTING to listen to even if you're not watching the movie. So that pretty much doesn't even matter! This is GOOD AMBIENT MUSIC! HAH HaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAHhhhhhhhhhhhh! Lazarus Raised 8.5/10 Oh yes ... Lazarus ... the ninja jedi MASTER. *HYAH! HYAH!* ... Why does this sound like voodoo zen, "I'm a ninja and I'm meditating" music? ... Crap, I really need to see this movie. I might suffer in Hell for it, but ... Ohhhhhhh ... Of These, Hope (Reprise) 9.5/10 Dang it! This sounds like Genesis music except without the vocals ...... and the general coolness of prog-rock. ... It also still sounds Eastern. It's kind of weird how Gabriel moved from Medieval music (Selling England By the Pound) and went all Psycho-world! BluuhhhHHhH! This is still a really good soundtrack song! I love the drums, and ... it's actually very interesting to listen to outside of the film's context. I think you'll be surprised. In Doubt 8/10 This sounds like incidental music ... TO A FREAKING SCI-FI MOVIE. It's like this is the song when all the aliens come out of the space craft and are getting ready to fry everyone's brains with their ray guns. Am I sure I have it right? The Last Temptation of Christ? ... No wonder everyone says I shouldn't watch this freaking movie. A Different Drum 10/10 Well, you can never complain that listening to a lot of tribal-esque drums put to a synthscape backdrop was ever uninteresting. ... Always fun to listen to from Peter Gabriel! It even has a melody to reckon with! ... This ain't just incidental music. Gabriel was making an album! (And what's this that I doth hear? Some Gabriel vocals??? ... HOHAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) This is probably even one of Gabriel's best songs EVER ... well, not really, but this is awesome just the same. Zaar 9/10 FREAKING EASTERN WEIRD CRAP!!!!! ... Oh wait ... The whole crucifixion thing took place in the Middle East, didn't it. DANG IT! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, THOUGH??? THE CATHOLIC CHURCH MOVED IT TO ITALY! AND THEY LISTEN TO THE OPERA!!!!!!!! This is another super-great soundtrack song. Super. Great. Troubled 8/10 Talk about troubled! This sounds like someone is mentally insane. What's with that "NAH NAH" part at the end of this? It sounds like someone's trying to mess with my head or something. ... Not that I find that particularly disenchanting about a song... Open 9/10 We're getting more into the incidental brand of ambient music ... but there is a lot of feeling on here. It sounds like Eastern music malarky, and it's verrrrry echoey, but it's kind of awesome in its own awesome way. Before Night Falls 8/10 Do you like the floot? I like the floot! ... And I like those jangly things, too. Very nice, those jangly things. And ... uh ... I think that's all I got to say. With This Love 9.5/10 I think the fact that I'm reviewing a soundtrack has finally begun to sink into me. Although, I finally got my wish! This is decidedly classical music (put to synths and whatnot) and NOT Eastern weird stuff! Of course, this is absolutely gorgeous ... BUT I'M LISTENING TO A SOUNDTRACK!!!!!!!!! Sandstorm 8/10 Very echoey and drowning synths start this song off ... and then it ends with a bunch of happy tribal drumming. Oohhhhhhh how happyyyyyyyy. Stigmata 8.5/10 More of this far East "I'm a ninja and I'm meditating in the sunset" stuff. I'm wondering exactly what type of movie is this? ... The song is pretty good, of course, but ... what thah stigmata? Passion 9/10 Do you realize something? This track is over 7 minutes long! And how many tracks are in this confounded soundtrack??? A LOT!!!! ... MY LIFE AIN'T GETTING ANY SHORTER, YOU KNOW!!!!!!! ... Still. For a song that's called "Passion," it manages to live up to its name for that 7.5 minutes. Crudd!! With This Love (Choir) 9.5/10 This must be another part of the crucifixion that took place in Italy ... 'cause this is more classical music! Fully equipped even with a children's choir this time. And what can I say? It's lovely!! Wall of Breath 8/10 Wall of INCIDENTIAL MUSIC!!!!!!!! ... I'm still entranced by it, though ... ohhhhh, take me to wonderful places, Peter baby. The Promise of Shadows 8/10 I can't say that I dislike those synths that sound like a buzzing swarm of mosquitoes, but this track is ... I dunno ... kinda boring. Disturbed 8.5/10 Didn't I just listen to this song??? ... Oh wait. That was "Troubled." Uhhh ... never mind. ... Well, this is also incidental music ... but ... uhhhh ... it has tribal drumming. Yeah. Those tribals and their drummings. (And what's with the bagpipes at the end? FREAKY DEAKY!) It is Accomplished 9.5/10 Actually, one more song and it is accomplished! ... This song sounds uncharacteristically happy for the soundtrack ... as I feel uncharacteristically to be nearly done listening to it! It's all jangly and jingly! It even has a nice melody! This is much more bold than I'd expect for a soundtrack!! Woowooowoooooooowooooooooo!! And only one more song to go! Bigger woowooowoooooooowooooooooo!! Bread and Wine 8/10 Yes, I believe I would like a little wine! Mmmmmmm *hic* HEY WHO MIXED BRANDY IN MY WINE???? ... ooooooohhh, I like it. Anyway, this is a song that'll drown you out with its synths. ... Yeah ... uhhhh ... I like the floot ... The End. Has your soul been lost, too, by listening to this album? If so, you had might as well cap it by sending me a comment here!

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