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Elton John is Waiting For You Back at his Page, Big Boy. Elton John's the Name, Making Potty's the Game
Overall Album Score: 8.2 out of 10 Aaaaaaaaaaaaa-woooooooo-hoooooooooooo
Waitaminute! How much does Elton John pay Bernie Taupin???????????????? ..... That much? I could write those lyrics in two seconds. See?: Togierooeoooooooo-rugeiieiriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
..........mmm... on second thought, maybe we should let Bernie Taupin do it. Keep up the good work, Bern. Hey! Don't accuse me of plagiarizing that last line! I've been saying Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa-haaaaaaaaaaaaaa before Elton John was born! (...Wait... I was born in 1982.) Well, my ancestor, the famous Abraham Lincoln heckler, Jimbo Circus, in fact invented that expression in 1856, and I have the rights now. So Waaaaaaaa-haaaaaaaaa! Elton John owes me 1 cent for every copy of this album that he's ever sold and the fifteen bucks I spent on it. Well... here, Elton John focuses on piano-driven pop, whereas his first album seemed to be all over the place. If you've ever listened to it, there are a lot of misfired stuff on there. Here, there is some pretentiousness, but it's not too terrible. Elton John can, at least, make pretentious stuff sound not so bad as he has the talent fer it. What I really like about this album are some very very beautiful string arrangements. Me, being a luvr of the theatre and (thinks I'm) a luvr of classical music I really appreciate it. And, actually, a lot of this album sounds like it was written for some sort of musical. Alright, all you radio-listening grandmas out there probably remember that little love ditty called "Yer Song." Other than that, there aren't really any MAJOR standouts here. It seems to take me FOREVER to appreciate Elton John albums, and as of this moment after listening to the album probably over twenty times, I don't particularly like it! This is actually a very favorable review, but I don't consider this a major classic at all like many other people do. What kind of sucks is that this music is very beautiful, but on many of these songs, there's nothing really to make them stand out. They all kinda trudge along on their own steady pace and I'm like ... MmmmmHmmmm. This is not bad, but this is also kinda boring, ya know. The melodies aren't particularly memorable. (I mean... three or four melodies are memorable, but that's not very good). But still. Ya gotta still recognize that this is classic Elton John. So I shall bow down to thee. Oh Elton John. I shall take a nap on thy piano. That shall strike a harrowing chord. And I shall die. On thy piano. Oh Elton John. I think it would be a good idea if I might lay off the illegal substancesesesesss. Overall Album Score: 8.2 out of 10 (This is a solid album! Some of the songs are almost breathtaking in their beauty ... just don't expect to find too many of these songs creeping through your head ... well ... except for "Your Song," of course!) Average Song Score: 8.5 (There are some strong songs in here! The major problem here is that none of them are particularly memorable. But many are quite beautiful and sweeping!) Album Tilt: 8.0 (I still don't think I've gotten a good enough handle on this album to like it ...... and I've listened to it dozens of times. So, in short, this album is beautiful, but leaves me almost entirely unenthusiastic. Perhaps one day, I'll raise this score.) Artist Tilt: 8.0 (Beauty like this isn't done by cretins! Though I don't find it particularly "artistic." The theatrics in this are too pretentious for it to particularly deserve more points in this category.) Track Reviews Your Song 10/10 I was on another music critic's page, and he said this song is one of his least favorite of all time because the lyrics suck. (It's basically about Elton John writing a song to, I'm assuming, a woman, and how wonderful life is 'cause her mother didn't have an illegal abortion.) And ... actually ... the melody is quite sweet and smooth. The hooks are up to the Beatles' quality and the stringed orchestra made it sweeping. Well... I think it's a great song! And, these lyrics don't suck. In fact, this song makes me think back to all those romantic crushes I've had over my middle school/high school years, and in that context, I find it to be quite realistic and even somewhat moving. So... enjoy! I Need to Turn to You 8.5/10 Elton takes to the old HARPSICHORD. He did a lot of harpsichord stuff on his last album. And, he didn't forget to include the stringed instruments! The song is pleasant and the melody is solid. Moah classic Elton. Take Me To the Pilot 9/10 Elton picks up the mood with this more dynamic, almost thunderous song. This one is closer to a regular rock ditty and, in the end, turns out to be one of the album's strongest moments. No Shoe Strings on Louise 7/10 Ewwwww! Country western! Even though it's difficult to put the personal bias aside, I must note that it was immaculately performed and the melody is good. I just don't like KUNTRY, and Elton doesn't do anything to make me change my mind! (I'm from hickville Kansas, so I'm allowed to hate country music, 'cause I live in the same city as wannabe rednecks, and I RESENT IT!) First Episode at Heinton 8/10 This is a slow and beautiful song, but it's kind of ruined by this sci-fi oscillator-like-thingy in the middle of it. It's also a little bit boring, and does little for me. A strong 8, though, it is! Sixty Years On 8.5/10 This track begins with a bunch of loud, buzzing cellos and then they stop and a harp starts playing. And then some peaceful strings, and Elton starts singing about what he's going to do when he gets really old. This song is really cinematic. It's also interesting, so I have no problem giving 'er an 8.5. Border Song 7/10 I can't rightfully score this below a 7, but the song does sound awfully pretentious. It sounds like it tries to be moving. I'm not too big of a fan of that chorus of "Holy Moses!" The song's pleasing to the ears, even though the melody isn't anything to write home about. The Greatest Discovery 9.5/10 More utter beauty! The melody here is also rather good. It's a slower, sweeping song played to sweet perfection! (Hey! I should write for catalogues!) Ehh... screw "Take Me to the Pilot!" This is the second best song! (Pretentious and theatric, maybe, but I like the melody!) The Cage 8.5/10 Here's a more regular rock song! Aaaaaaaaaaaaa-woooooooo-hoooooooooooo
Heheheheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I complained in the review that this album lacks good riffs and funky rhythms ... well this one still lacks a particularly memorable melody, and it's still very showy. But I really think this song is awesome nevertheless! The King Must Die 7/10 Awwwwww? Why?????? The King? What'd he do to you? There isn't even a king! There's a QUEEN! Not a KING! ...of England anyway. Show some RESPECT! About the song... it's too long and is boring. Very well performed, though! I gotta dig that orchestra! So... the 7 is only relative because, still, the melody isn't anything worth taking home with you. I just *gasp* find it BOR-EENG! (Still theatric ... and pretentious, but me cares not 'bout that.) Bonus Tracks: Bad Side of the Moon This song is actually more rocking than most of this other stuff! But I don't care fer it. I would give it an 8. Grey Seal Hey!!!! This song will later go on Goodbye Yellow Brick Road! Interesting for historical purposes. An 8.5. Rock and Roll Madonna Now HERE'S a good song! It was performed live somewhere and, I believe, it's fairly popular among John fans. And, why not? A 9. Do you agree with my review? Or do you think I'm a $#*#@ and a marshmallow-eater? Leave your comments here. |
All reviews are copyrighted by the author. Michael Lawrence. Elton John's best friend.
