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Pun for fun back to the main Smelly John page. West of the Rockies ... Hey! That Actually Makes Sense!
Overall Album Score: 7.7 out of 10 Hey! Look! After Elton John released his classic and wonderful Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy, who would have thunk that Elton John would have been able to top that?? Please. Let me answer my own question. NOBODY WOULD HAVE THUNK THAT! ONLY AN IDIOT WOULD HAVE THUNK THAT! Heck, I doubt that anybody even would have *thought* that. With Rock of the Weskits, we see Elton John saying "pooey" to all that piano-pop stuff and adopting more of a rock-and-roll feel to his stuff. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, ya know. Elton John was still a TOP songwriter, right? So then why should it matter if he's doing piano pop or what? I'LL TELL YOU WHY IT SHOULD MATTER!! ... I ... I ... heck, I don't know. This album might have been great, but Elton sure doesn't pay as close attention to developing these melodies like he used to. They sounded so effortless in Captain Fantastic and the Clown Dirt Blownboy ... There are still a few good ones in here, but they're not classic or anything. Even the album's big hit "Island Girl" isn't as joyously special as Elton John used to be way back when ... a few months before this. Overall Album Score: 7.7 out of 10 (Rock of the I Don't Like Elton John That Much Anymore.) Average Song Score: 8.1 (Well, Elton John ain't sunk in the quicksand pool of mediocrity *yet*. There are some pretty decent pop/rock ditties all over this one.) Album Tilt: 7.5 (There are some good songs on here ... but it drags a little too much at the end there.) Artist Rating: 7.5 (Yikes! Should Elton John get points here because he was starkly NOT being artistic, whereas Captain San Frantastic was one of the most artistic pop albums that ever existed? Maybe. But I'm not giving it to 'im! Heheheheheheheeeeeeeh!) Track Reviews Medley (Yell Help, Wednesday Night, Ugly) 9/10 OH YEAH, BABY! WE'RE ROCKING NOW! ... The classic Elton John style? I poop on the classic Elton John style!! Phphphphphphphphhhhh! All right, I do admit that, especially after reviewing the priceless Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Callboy, I'm not all that enthusiastic about John's decision to go out and rock a lot. Just the same! This one is pretty good! As the title might suggest, this song has many many different parts to it ... and they're all quite tuneful and it's very rollicking enjoyable. (Aren't those timing changes in here just awesome???) The end of this is just goofy. Sure! I guess everyone ought to feel like a nut every once in a while. And, Elton John was certainly one to take that opportunity. Dan Dare (Pilot of the Future) 8/10 I'm not going to say that Elton John was trying to repeat "Rocketman" with this one ... but ... this might be considered "Rocket Man" on complete CRACK. ...Not that doing crack was a bad thing. This song isn't awful, though. It definitely has its hooks. The instrumentation is ... goofy. Island Girl 10/10 I, at first, thought he was saying "I like girls" instead of "Island Girl." ........ I just thought I'd share that with you. Just the same, this song was the BIG HIT FROM THE ALBUM and I doooooo liiiiiike iiiiiiiiit! It has another very nice melody to it as well as a rather infectious rhythm section to keep this one chugging along like a clean-like-a-whistle steam powered locomotive! The synths at the end of this are STILL GOOFY, but in their utter silliness, it still manages to rule. And, so does this song. It rules. It doesn't rule like "Rocket Man" or "Honky Cat" or "Your Song" or "Tiny Dancer" or "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" or a lot of stuff. But it still rules ... Luxembourg. Grow Some Funk of Your Own 9/10 I don't know what Elton John was growing, but it was mightily awesome! (For some reason, my university's watering system is all screwed up ... they not only water the lawn, but they also water the sidewalks! ... My best guess is they're trying to get crack to grow out of the cracks ...) Hello! "Grow Some Crack of Your Own" is a darn kicking song! And it's ever so enjoyable! I like how it metamorphoses into that fast rocking bit and then to the slower, more romantic part. Crap! Was Elton John a genius or something? Is it a shame that he didn't take himself more seriously with Rock of the Westies? What's are Westies, anyway? Are those people who frequently are seen donning two vests? I Feel Like a Bullet (In the Gun of Robert Ford) 8/10 Oh! SCREW THE PIANO CRAP! WE NEVER LIKED IT ANYWAY!!!! ... Oh, this song is pretty good. Elton John's songwriting is still top-notch. This is a slower song that recalls back in the old days (earlier that year) when he used to write a bunch of piano ballads. Ignore this. (Who's Robert Ford? ... Is that like Gerald Ford and they changed his name to Robert? ... Or, perhaps good old Gerald just put on a Robert Redford wig one day and that inspired Elton John to write a song about it.) Street Kids 7/10 HELLO! We're back to the good old rock-and-roll of current. NOT that boring old piano crap that used to be on that stupid album called Captain Crunch and a Bowl of Blown Dirty Flounders. OH MAN! This song ain't nothing special! I want my Captain Browntastic and the Pink Pillowy Thing With That Guy With That Weird Hat and Those Sunglasses and All That Stuff He Was Standing Around. Hard Luck Story 7/10 HELLO! Elton John is doing more rock and roll stuff! Oh. Feed Me 7/10 Hah hah! It's like that one movie with that big plant thing with the big teeth starring that one guy from Honey, Our Kids Are Rather Short. Feed me! Feeeeeed me! NO! I WILL NOT! IT IS SICK! IT IS GROTESQUE! Feeeed me Seymouur! NO, NO, NO! DO YOU HEAR ME! I WILL *NOT* GIVE YOU ANYMORE CANDY CORN! Oh! I'm here to talk about this song aren't I? ... Eh, it doesn't matter. I don't actually listen to these tracks I'm reviewing, anyway. NO! Just kidding! I'm listening to the song right now! Elton John has certainly turned into an unexciting prat, hasn't he? Feeeeeeeeeeed meeeeeeeeeeeee! Billy Bones and the Brown Dirt Cowboy 8/10 Hello! We're at the very end of the album part of this album. (Everything after this was added in afterwards as "BONUS TRACKS.") And, FINALLY, this one proves that Elton John wasn't just going to be this boring old guy throughout the end of this. I was still much more impressed with all the stuff at the beginning of this album. They had more awesome hooks in it. But "Billy Bones" is still quite decent. The instrumentation is from that good old goofy Elton ... It's pretty good. FEED ME SEYMOURRRRRRRR! BONUS TRACKS Planes Holy crap! Now I have that whole freaking "Little Plop of Al Gore" soundtrack floating through my head!! Argh! (Hey! I should review that soundtrack!) But first, I shall review "Planes: the Bonus Track From Rock of My Grefterties." Holy crap, "Planes" is boring. A 7.5. Let's go on to BONUS TRACK #2. Sugar on the Floor Is this where Adam Ant comes in? (Not that "Sugar on the Floor" sounds like an Adam Ant song ... but ... um ... I think you get that ... stupid joke.) Holy crap! This bonus track is boring, too. I'm going to have these bonus tracks surgically removed from my album. ... And while I'm at it, I think I'll add "Beat It" by Michael Jackson ... and "I'm All By Myself Again (Probably Because My Singing Sucks) ... and "Hey, Mr. Monkey!" Huh! NO! NO! NO! NO "HEY, MR. MONKEY!" NOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. A 6.5. Go to the Rock of the Westies and then e-mail me a comment or two or three or four or five or six or seven or infinity here. wolram@optushome.com.au (Jean) received July 27, 2004 If this album had come out earlier in his career, I think that we (the critics and the listening public) would be far kinder. It's not that bad an album, it just isn't as good as Captain Fantastic, Tumbleweed connection or the self titled album. My song ratings?
That gives me a song average of 8.17, which by my standards is still quite good. The bonus track on my copy is Don't Go Breaking My Heart, which is one of my all-time least favourite EJ songs. I rate it about 5/10, but refuse to bring down the overall song rating by including it in the average; it just doesn't belong there. Actually, I don't think it belongs anywhere! Don Ignacio Responds: That's a good idea about "Island Girl." I still like the song, but I'd imagine I would get sick of it after listening to it a couple dozen times! Thank you for your comments! Milb78@yahoo.com (Shane) received May 27, 2007 Rock Of The Westies is a very good album, It's just not up there with the rest of the albums before this. Yell Help- It certainly sets the rock tone for the album. It gives this album a good start. 8.4/10 Dan Dare- A standard tune for EJ. Not Catchy at all. 6.7/10 Island Girl- I don't mind the lyrics being racist, and The melody is fantastic! 8.7/10. Grow Some Funk Of Your Own- A another great tune by EJ. Lyrics are very good and the melody and tune of the song are very rolling stones! 8.7 I feel a bullet(In The Gun Of RF) A good song, marred by it's length. It's goes on too long. If Gus or someone had shortened the song to lesser time of minutes, It could of been better. FYI, Elton did this live in 1977, and did it shorter. It clocked in at 3:34. Just because of it's length, I'll give it a 8.2 out of 10. I don't know this track very well, so I'll go to the next track, Hard Luck Story. Hard Luck Story- Is a cool song and I really like how it starts out soft and get progressively louder but this technique was used on of Elton's songs, so it wasn't groundbreaking for many critics or for fans at least in my mind. 8.1/10 Feed Me- Boring, Not Memorable at all! 5.4/10 Billy Bones and the white bird- Is definitely not the best track to end an album on. The Melody line or Chorus line"Check It Out" is tedious and dumb! A Annoying song and one of his worst songs, this should have been left on the cutting floor. 5.0/10 Bonus Tracks Planes- It's an alright song, and is not one of Elton's worst songs. Putting this on the album would have been a mistake! This song would not have fit on this album A 7.2/10 Sugar On The Floor- A Excellent Song that is haunting and leaves you satisfied after hearing this song. The chords or piano chords just jump out at you! If you ask me, it's certainly worthy of being an album track. A 9.0/10 So overall, Rock Of The Westies is a very good album with an excellent bonus track. Any fan should get this album, it's worthy of a EJ album. A 8.6 out of 10 for me. |
All reviews are copyrighted by Michael Lawrence. He had hisself a little ol' accident.
