Only a Theory
Overall Album Score: 6.8 out of 10 "It is true that you may fool all the people some of the time; you can even fool some of the people all the time; but you can't fool all of the people all the time." As it is when I review any type of popular-but-mediocre band, I am going to get comments from people who have been fooled-fooled into thinking that these albums they bought blindly off the shelves are actually good. Well, let me tell you something, people! When you look beyond the glitzy cover, the polished songs, and those power electric guitar solos, you'll find NOTHING! NOTHING!!!! CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND!!! YOU'VE BEEN DUPED! YOU'VE BEEN FOOLED!!! FOOOOLLLLEEEEEEDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let me ask you, o misguided Journey fan. Think of a song from this album and try to hum it. ... The melody stinks, now doesn't it!!! Even if the melody isn't particularly awful, there was no real feeling in the song. THIS IS ROCK-AND-ROLL!!!!! YOU NEED TO HAVE ***FEELINGGGG**** Frankly, I'm a bit dismayed at the lack of concrete hits Journey had so far in this discography. They're certainly less evil than a certain one of their contemporaries ("Foreigner") just because Journey seems to have more raw talent, but ........ at least Foreigner had songs like "Cold as Ice" and "Double Vision" ... We're at the fifth Journey album already, and they haven't had a decent radio hit yet. (They will in the future, though ...) ...Although, thank goodness, Journey at least is decent enough to keep their songs at a solid level of mediocrity. Nothing on this album scored below a six. But such mediocrity is frustrating. BJN JGOEINROGIENLFKL!!!! All you fans of Journey. Go back to the drawing board. Overall Album Score: 6.8 out of 10 (Commercial arena-rock blah.) Average Song Score: 7.4 (Well-polished and well-performed nothings.) Album Tilt: 6.5 (I guess this works well as background music, but if you're looking for actual *substance*, I'd look someplace else.) Artist Rating: 6.5 (Well, at least these guys know what they're doing. Coming up with a few good melodies might have been nice, but ... I can't have everything.) Track Reviews Majestic 8/10 This song doesn't sound very majestic. Maybe it's for the "majesty of my butt." This is just a one minute and 15 second intro. It has some "ahhhh" vocals in it and, as you would expect, some soaring electric guitar noodling. A very pretentious way to start an album, but ... eh ... it's not half bad. Too Late 8/10 I do like Steve Perry's singing voice even though it sounds like he sucks helium. All elements of this song was put together rather well, but the melody lacks hooks! It's very very well polished and even sports a decent, if run-of-the-mill, guitar solo. But ... it's shallow. And unexciting. Still, it gets an 8. Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin' 7/10 They try to do the whole gritty blues-rock thing with only limited success. Again ... HOOKS!!! And the song could have been, like, pumped with some adrenaline or something. It might want to be **gritty** but it's just too dang tame. ... Part of the blame might just go to Steve Perry, but ............... he's the only reason why Journey's sound became so interesting all of the sudden. The band needs to *adjust* to Steve Perry! ... I guess they will, pretty soon. I still haven't heard any of this band's severe radio hits. Like *****ANYWAY YOU WANT IT****** City of Angels 6/10 You can polish a song as much as you want, but it'll never be good if you're unwilling to give it any spirit or give it a good melody (but sometimes if you have a good melody, the spirit sorta comes with it). Journey seems totally incapable of giving anything spirit! And ... these melodies suck. GRR!!! And that Meg Ryan movie sucked, too. When You're Alone (It Ain't Easy) 8.5/10 Man ... the song title is the worst cliché in the entire ROCK'N'ROLL world, and arena rock bands shouldn't bother with it! STUPIDDSSSSSSSS!!! But ... ohhhhh ... I can sense some of that spirit here in this song that was woefully lacking in all those previous songs. There's still not much of a melody, though. This is just more of that generic rock stuff. But with some spirit this time ... principally in the electric guitar solos. Sweet and Simple 7/10 Ohhh ... name me one arena rock ballad that was ever any good? ... Anyway, this one sure isn't. This is generic, boring, and the melody is terrible. Perry gives a good vocal performance, though. It's just too bad he didn't have much to sing! Lovin' You is Easy 7/10 Boooooooooo... Another terrible cliché. OIRNNOIRENOINRGGNFKLGFKLGO. Another predictably banal arena rock song. ... It would be good if someone would bother have given this song a hooky melody. ... I mean, it's not down-in-the-gutter awful. Again, the electric guitar is pretty good. The singing is fine. The melody is crap! And there ain't an ounce of innovation here. Just the Same Way 6.5/10 Somebody that's not Steve Perry takes on lead vocals. This is another passable but annoyingly mediocre song! PLEAAASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Give me some melody!!! Do You Recall 7.5/10 I recall when I once listened to a Paul McCartney album. It stunk, but at least it had MELODY. Sucky Queen albums have MELODY. Sucky David Bowie albums have MELODY. Sucky Kinks albums have MELODY. And Sucky Journey albums have MELODY but BAD MELODY. ... Why do all of these songs on this album sound alike? It's getting seriously annoying. Daydream 8.5/10 Ohhhhhh... this one isn't bad. The melody is still terrible, but this one works more on an atmospheric level. ... It's not really that good, though. I don't care anymore. Lady Luck 7/10 Again! The band tries to rock hard. The song was polisheeeeeeeeed in the studio, but there's very little substance! You've got to have SOUL. Not just talent. And Journey is talented. I've never pretended otherwise. They just seem to be interested in commercialism and not make any type of lasting product. ... Now, some of their commercial efforts will make lasting products (which I'm finally realizing that their major radio hits were probably just accidents), but not here obviously. Good night. Win a creationism/evolution debate and then write about those experiences here. |
All reviews are copyrighted by the author, Michael Lawrence. He doesn't particularly enjoying gnashing cheese fish crackers with his teeth.
