Finished with the frontier? Journey back to the main page... Trump's Ears Overall Album Score: 6.5 out of 10 It's odd. I must have thrown away the towel to my soul or SOMETHING! Because this album scored worse than any other Journey album I ever reviewed, and I don't even hate it. ... I mean, there sure are a lot of SUCKY songs on this one, and the band probably deserves to be beaten up with chairs for putting out this album with such crappy songs on it ... And there isn't another "Don't Stop Believin'" in this to make me get all teary-eyed over this. ... So, I don't know what my problem is. Maybe I'm about to switch political affiliations ... At any rate, Journey does the very predictable thing and goes all 80s with this album. It was 1983!! EVERYBODY WAS DOING IT!!!!!!!!!! They manage to come up with a pretty good embarrassing pop song (in a similar vein as "We Built This City") ... and there is a small handful of other tunes I enjoy on here. But overall, this album is kinda crappy. And ... JOURNEY SUCKS!!!!!!! SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Overall Album Score: 6.5 out of 10 (The album's a mess!!!!!! ... But it's 1983, and this is Journey! What do you expect????) Average Song Score: 7.0 (Hah hah! Journey only got a 7.0 for the songs on this album! ... There's about four good songs on here ... the rest are doodie.) Album Tilt: 6.5 (I don't venomously dislike this album, for some reason ... maybe it's because I get this perverted delight from listening to "Separate Ways.") Artist Rating: 6.0 (They'll have to Journey to the wise men of the Sahara before they'll ever discover artistic talent. They're making too much money to make such a trek.) Track Reviews Separate Ways (Worlds Apart) 9.5/10 How often do you sit down at your home computer or at your home stereo and wish that you were listening to the eightiesist song that ever existed? ... Yeah! ... You know that song "We Built This City" by Starship? This one's just as bad! ... Yet, really awesome at the same time. The thing is polished and derivative in every single conceivable way. It has 80s keyboard synths. The song wants to ROCK, but it doesn't really. ... But it's still freaking awesome! How do you figure such a thing? ... They got away with a lot of stuff in that decade, man. Send Her My Love 8.5/10 Hey! I was kidding about all that 80s awesome stuff in the last song review, okay? ... I WAS KIDDING!!!!!!!!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't want hopelessly 80s-fied love ballads! Nooooooo! Away! Away! No rock ballads! Ew!!!! ... Eh, this isn't so bad. What can I say? The melody is okay, and ...... it's awesome 80s. Chain Reaction 7.5/10 Hmm... Hmm... Chain Reaction was the most horrible movie in the WORLD!!!! It starred Keanu Reeves, and he's suckier on there than he was on The Matrix II. Yeah! ... He should have just stuck with his Bill & Ted character ... he plays idiots so well ... And ... this song isn't too good, either, but at least it's better than that Keanu Reeves movie. It's loud & bombastic, and it sort of works in that respect ... but the melody is asinine! How can I respect a song with an asinine melody? ... I definitely can't respect a movie with an asinine actor ... unless he's playing an idiot. After the Fall 7/10 Another super AOR anthem type song ... and the only anthem it inspires me to perform is the Anthem of Sitting and Falling Asleep of the United States of My Chair. (Bwahhahhah! I am the Man of Hot Jokes, aren't I? ... Blahhhhhhhh hahhhhhhhhh!!) ... Yeah. This song isn't bad ... I don't hate it ... but it's bland. BLAND I TELLS YE! Faithfully 6/10 Why the crap does this song sound like a cross between Michael Bolton and ABBA's "The Winner Takes it All?" ... Let me tell you, I don't spend a second wondering why this song sucks! ... But, alas! Journey manages to make this song soar. That's why I have to give it a high-ish score. (Can you believe it? I'm calling a 6 a highish score! ... I must be pretty desparate to find things I like!!) Edge of the Blade 7/10 I don't know what it is with Journey and Frontiers! Why can't they suck properly? This song sounds like a big 80s-fied AOR mess with nothing instrumentals and a soulless electric guitar solo and NO melody ... except briefly in the chorus where I actually feel a bit rewarded for sitting through this. Broddy Herr. Troubled Child 4.5/10 Hah, hah! Journey rightfully sucks here! It's a loud, bombastic thing that the only redeeming quality about it is that it doesn't make me want to take my Texas Instrument TI-86 graphing calculator and use it to turn my nose into a bloody pulp. ... That's the song's only redeeming quality. Honestly. Back Talk 5/10 Oh, dear! WHAT THE CRAP???? ... Journey's been sucking properly now for two tracks now ... This song is another HUGE MESS! I don't think this song actually has a melody. And the heavy metal thing they're trying here is about as convincing as a barrel of badgers doing an impersonation of Nancy Regan taking a bath with their heads cut off. Frontiers 6/10 Geez! You'd think they'd at least save something nice for their title track!!! ... MAN!!! Looking forward to title tracks are totally bogus now! ... I'm not going to do it anymore ... While this song is probably better than "Back Talk" and "Troubled Child" combined, it's still a mess! ... It's more accessible to me, though. That's good. Bwah!!!! Rubicon 8.5/10 Do you want to know what the definition of "rubicon" is? ... a bounding or limiting line; especially : one that when crossed commits a person irrevocably Yeah ... that's pretty wild if you ask me! ... I haven't much of an idea what on Earth possessed Journey to write a song about that, but ... whatever. It's a freaking awesome word to say! ... I AM LORD RUBICON, PROTECTOR OF THIS PLANET! I SHALL SAY THE WORD 'RUBICON' ONCE MORE! ... RUBICON! ... I SHALL NOW SAY 'RUBICON' A SECOND TIME ... ... I'm sure they're geeks. They'd have to be! Just listen to their music! ... Speaking of geeks, I enjoy this song for the same reason I enjoyed "Separate Ways." It's totally 80s-fied and the melody is catchy. ... I WANT TO IMMERSE MYSELF IN 80S-FIED MUSIC LIKE LITTLE FISH IMMERSE THEMSELVES IN OLIVE OIL BEFORE BEING FRIED!!!!! ... Sorry. I'm in a weird mood today, aren't I? ... Mmmmm, though ... fish fried with olive oil .................... Don't be a little fish fried with olive oil! Send me your comments here!

All reviews are copyrighted by the author, Michael Lawrence. Dang zit under his nose won't go away.