Animalpies

Overall Album Score: 3.5 out of 10

Can you believe it? It seems like I ought to have covered more time in the Kiss discography than 10 years! … They did fifteen albums during that period of time … what utter jerk-heads! Even worse than that, though, is that Animalize is quite easily the worst album that Kiss recorded at this point, and you’ve got to understand that such an honor is up against some pretty stiff competition! … What an absolute, sickly piece of crap this album is! I have never heard Kiss’s melodies more unlistenable and pedestrian than this. Even when they do get their hands on a somewhat decent riff, they overuse it to the point where it becomes absolutely tedious.

Recorded a mere year before this, their album Lick it Up was a breakthrough for Kiss. However, the principle songwriter for that album, Vinnie Vincent, who seemed to come out of the blue, left as quickly as he came to be replaced with Mark St. John. Sadly enough, that gives Paul Stanley more room to write music, and … … Well, we already know what a piece of crap songwriter that guy is.

I hate Kiss. I think I ought to have them executed. They don’t have much in the brain-department, anyway … much less talent.

Overall Album Score: 3.5 out of 10 (Vinnie Vincent left … Ace Frehley was long gone … … … I guess that’s why this album is such an utter piece of crap!)

Average Song Score: 4.4 (Like lost dogs, Kiss returns home … back to producing absolute CRAP!!!!!!)

Album Tilt: 3.0 (One of the most hopeless pieces of dreck on this planet of ours.)

Artist Rating: 3.0 (Not only is this a severe disappointment after Lick it Up, this even sucks within Kiss’s own dismal standards.)

Track Reviews

I’ve Had Enough (Into the Fire) 6/10

Nauseating. But this is one of the best songs on the album … which … oh, man, reviewing this isn’t going to be a very fun task. … I ought go get my trashcan and put it next to me so that I have quick vomit-access to it! If the melody was better, I might consider giving this a higher score … but it’s so danged generic and stupid! The production is alright as long as you realize that this is standard 80s metal … which suits Kiss, actually.

Heaven’s On Fire 8/10

Surprisingly quite decent (…I’m not ready for the vomit trash can quite yet…) even though the chorus is really pedestrian. It’s listenable and it gives me a sort of macho feeling when listening to it … I now have the urge to go put on a hard hat and operate power tools or something.

Burn Bitch Burn 2/10

…Whoah! Someone really needs to lay off the testosterone pills! Isn’t that just like a phony 80s metal band to entitle a song “Burn Bitch Burn” for all the drunken rednecks of the world. You’d also have to be drunk to actually like this piece-of-poo song. … … Hire me to a monastery!-I mean, bring me that barf can! *HURL* This is a true piece of crap. Burn Kiss Burn.

Get All You Can Take 4/10

Ummmmmm… This is quite a bit better than “Burn Bitch Burn,” certainly, but this is still a pedestrian piece of crap. … Oh yes, Kiss has returned, indeed. Lick it Up was a fluke! … Oh wait, it was Vinnie Vincent. I forgot.

Lonely is the Hunter 6.5/10

Wow! … By the sound of that song title, you’d almost think this was an artistic type track! … … Nah! It’s just Kiss. … This has a pretty good riff, though, and a pretty catchy melody. And, look! I quit vomiting! Awesome! The track ought to have ended two minutes earlier than it did, because it really overstays its welcome. I was going to give this a 7.5, but I had to demote it. Oh well. This is Kiss! What can you expect?

Under the Gun 3/10

More poop … and it doesn’t seem to EVER end!!! I don’t even want to talk about it.

Thrills in the Night 2/10

*Huffing* … OH MAN!!!! GIVE IT A REST!!!!! YOU GUYS SUCK!!!!!!!!! This is more sucky crap with generic, headache inducing instrumentation, an absolutely idiot melody, and it goes on FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Kiss. Crap. Kiss. Crap. Kiss. Crap. Kiss. Crap. Kiss. Crap.

While the City Sleeps 4/10

… “While the City Beats its Freaking Head In” is more like it! … Well, at least this track has a workable riff. It doesn’t really put that riff to good use, i.e. the melody is a piece of crap. But I do believe that this deserves at least a 4 for the riff, even though I don’t really find the song itself listenable at any real tolerable level.

Murder in High Heels 4.5/10

The riff is the only redeeming quality of this song … and it does get annoying after the first minute … but that same quality is shared with all the other songs from this album that I claimed had a good riff. It has an almost listenable melody as well. It’s still a piece of utter poo, though. … I can be glad of one thing, though … I’m finished reviewing these tracks! Hooraaaaaaay!!!!!

The animalpies say they won't let you share in its excellent savourness if you don't send me your thoughts about this album here!!!