Aspielum

Overall Album Score: 5.3 out of 10

Another chapter in the biggest waste of my life (reviewing Kiss) unfolds. This time, the band decides to hire a bunch of outside songwriters ... which was probably among the greatest things that this band as an entity had ever done! Their real songwriting is absolute utter crapola, and anything they could do to improve the general quality of the songs in their album were a wise decision.

But still. Asylum is a crappy album, and Kiss are as banal as ever! ... Really! At the height of the 80s, this album, of course, follows those trends. Generic 80s metal-pop. And ... yup ... you can understand why I think this is such a waste of time. At least it's not as hopelessly tedious and humiliating as Animalize. I've got that to be grateful for at least.

Overall Album Score: 5.3 out of 10 (Utter tripe, but at least it's catchy tripe sometimes.)

Average Song Score: 6.0 (Some of the songs are pretty good. They might be banal, but some of them are actually listenable!)

Album Tilt: 5.0 (Boring. Banal. Hmm.)

Artist Rating: 5.0 (I'm feeling nice. I won't derail them here for Asylum because they made the wise artistic decision to hire outside songwriters!)

Track Reviews

King of the Mountain 8/10

Oh man! How could the world possibly have enough room for more crap from this stupid stupid band? ........ Oh, wait. Actually, this song isn't really that bad. It has some nicely done instrumentation (...I mean, the usual electric guitar solo isn't innovative or anything ... but it's an electric guitar solo...) And, for some reason, this song doesn't get too banal. Hmmhmmm! I'm feeling a bit optimistic...

Any Way You Slice It 6.5/10

Not incredibly awful, but this is banal heavy-metal/pop. So .... But at least it has a pretty catchy melody. These outside songwriters Kiss hired were a very good idea!

Who Wants to Be Lonely 6/10

Uhhhh ... a good melody! I'm very glad that I don't have to sit through another desert sea of zero-tone music again. Just the same ... this really isn't too enjoyable. Not really even effective even at "pop" standards.

Trial By Fire 6/10

Stupid heavy metal ....... It's not detrimentally awful, but ... it still sucks.

I'm Alive 6/10

There seems to be some sort of void Kiss entered into now. This is another kind of catchy, but hopelessly banal heavy-metal/pop song! ... And it's a clear '6.' Yup. Hmm.

Love's a Deadly Weapon 5/10

Really really really stupid, "ballsy" heavy metal. ...... The melody isn't even that good! This is tripe!!!!!!!!

Tears are Falling 5.5/10

I guess I like the chorus of this one, even though it is very simple and the only reason that it's catchy (prob'ly) is that it repeats too much. Oh, whatever! ... I have to give it a 5.5 because it gets really tedious at its end.

Secretly Cruel 7.5/10

Whoah!!! Where'd this come from? The guitars are appropriately crunchy, which works very well with the melody and ... hey! This is song is fairly entertaining! Whoowhoo! Let's have it bronzed.

Radar For Love 4/10

Okay ... there are times in your life when you should just shut it. This is a prime time for Kiss. SHUT IT!!!! This song is banal, banal, banal, banal, etc...

Uh! All Night 5.5/10

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..................................................

Get thee to thy comments here!