Crazy Plights

Overall Album Score: 3.7 out of 10

There's one actually pretty good song in here that's called "Crazy Crazy Nights." Everything else is stupid, cretinous 80s pop metal crap that made me ponder aloud with my arms outstretched toward the sky wondering .............. Why do I waste my time listening to such crap?

And I have to waste even more of my time and creative resources trying to come up with stuff to say about this album, even though I basically already said it in that first paragraph. ... Yet, I've got to write more about it, because I have a set length that these overview paragraphs have to be, and it doesn't feel like I've quite reached that quota here.

After this paragraph, however, the overview ought to look long enough. Unless I go on a totally insane rant (which would yield one of the more lengthy of reviews on this site), albums that I don't think highly of usually do get rather scant overviews. Like this one. Except this overview doesn't have much information on it. It's just empty words ... kind of like this album, incidentally! ... where stupid Kiss got rid of their hired songwriters and relied on their own stupid powers once again ... and another band change line-up. I don't care much to tell you who all the new band members are other than Simmons and Stanley, the only original members left, because I don't care.

I hope you evade this album at all humanly costs.

Overall Album Score: 3.7 out of 10 (Kiss unleashes yet another blemish to the good name of rock-and-roll.)

Average Song Score: 4.5 (Dorky metal pop.)

Album Tilt: 3.5 (C'est stupid.)

Artist Rating: 3.0 (...)

Track Reviews

Crazy Crazy Nights 8.5/10

A decent anthemic metal-pop song, I say. A few good licks of the electric guitar as well as a pretty decent pop melody makes this one not only memorable but enjoyable as well. Yeah ... it was an 80s radio hit, but it's pretty good for a Kiss song.

I'll Fight Hell to Hold You 6/10

Well, Kiss are ready to start acting normal again. This is another wimpy 80s metal pop song, except it lacks extremely in the melody department. It's not mind numbing, but this is pretty much the farthest thing from inspired that you can get.

Bang Bang You 6/10

You see ... they got a crunchy riff here, but it's not very aesthetically interesting. So, this song is banal like none other ... Well, on second thought, Kiss has been a lot worse than this ... but this is still pretty rancid.

No, No, No 2.5/10

That stupid drum is giving me a headache. Awful lead singing. Awful guitars. This is a piece of crap.

Hell or High Water 5/10

A passable heavy metal pop song. This time, the crunchy riff works. The melody absolutely sucks, though, if you can even call that actually being a melody. Really, it's a bar of notes being sung about 8 billion times and then a generic electric guitar solo.

My Way 5/10

Oh wow! You can't get more 80s pop than this intro! ... Those synths at the beginning of this! ... It's like Madonna or something! That's not really a problem, though (and, indeed the 80s pop popiness of it wears away pretty quicky). The problem is the severe lack of melody! ... You wonder why a rock and roll band would exist if they can only write sucky songs. ... Anyone with the slightest ounce of artistic integrity would never have gotten this far.

When Your Walls Come Down 2/10

SHUT THE CRAP UP!!!!!!!! This song is loud, obnoxious, and makes me want to continuously beat my head against something really hard until my brains splatter out.

Reason to Live 1.5/10

Oh double wow ... if you thought "My Way" couldn't be anymore 80s, then you haven't heard this "reason to live." ... or, more precisely, "reason to vomit." This is the dumbest radio song that I ever heard. The lyrics are a new low for Kiss.

Good Girl Gone Bad 6/10

Okay ... we're done with the crap 80s radio balladries and we're back to the 80s pop metal. I guess anything would sound decent after hearing something like "Reason to Smash This Record to Bits."

Turn on the Night 4/10

More dull, banal 80s metal pop.

Theif in the Night 3/10

The final song of the album! ... It's another empty, banal metal pop song. Not the worst thing conceivable on this planet, but that's not a compliment.

Crazy nutzos, send your comments about Kiss and their stupid album here.