Go back to the main Kiss page and view its dynasty!!!! ... or whatever ... My Dynasty Has Bought Me to You Overall Album Score: 5.6 out of 10 Kiss is back together after their relatively successful experiment (on the artistic front, I guess) where they released four solo albums. And, thinking they might have learned a little something from these efforts, Kiss put their heads together and ... come out with an album that is worse, even, than the worst solo album. Yes, folks, Dynasty sucks even more than Paul (freaking) Stanley. And that's pretty sucky, my friends. OH GEEZ, this is SUCH a stupid album! The only parts of relative goodness are when Kiss attempts to follow the 1979 trends in pop and disco. I know that sounds like a contradiction (how on earth could any band have benefited from embracing disco slightly ... well I guess the Rolling Stones did it with Some Girls, didn't they.) Anyway, the best songs on here has disco influence! The opening track "I Was Made For Loving You" is not insanely awful. Ace Frehley, who revealed himself in his solo album as the band's closet talent, only penned two songs, and only one of them is okay ("Hard Times.") However, sort of the frontrunner for the best song on this godforsaken album is Peter Criss's 7.5-scoring "Dirty Livin'" that succeeds ever-so-slightly only because it has a neat groove. I started liking Kiss after hearing their 1978 solo albums. The circumstances even led me to forgive Stanley's album. But after listening to this dreck, I'm back to being a rabid Kiss anti-fan. I CRAP ON YOU, WEEDSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! Overall Album Score: 5.6 out of 10 (I wasn't expecting Sgt. Pepper, but this is a serious disappointment! I thought Kiss might have actually learned to be GOOD after releasing four solo albums that were actually listenable.) Average Song Score: 6.3 (Oh geez ... up to Kiss's usual, awful quality.) Album Tilt: 5.5 (Reviewing those Kiss solo albums made me realize one important thing: Shoot Paul Stanley. He sucks.) Artist Rating: 5.0 (Seriously. Do I have to explain this rating on every Kiss review?) Track Reviews I Was Made For Lovin' You 7/10 Oh boy. We're back to real Kiss ... not wunna them stupid solo albums. This song has a nice disco groove, but I'm still wondering why they're letting Paul Stanley write songs. He had some help from the album's producer and some guy named Child. But still! Isn't he the guy who came up with the worst solo album? What the--? Oh well. This isn't a bad song. It's kind of catchy. I like the production on it. That weird whipping sound is interesting, at least. The whole reason why this song works is that Kiss isn't acting like normal Kiss. 2,000 Man 6.5/10 Of course, they're not nearly as good as the Stones, but at least the song was well written, and the instrumental performance was okay. It takes way too long for this one to catch fire, though, and might have been done better. It's still kind of banal, though. Kiss doesn't really do a formidable job with this song. That's Kiss fer ya. Sure Know Nothing 6/10 This is another late-70s pop song! What the hey? Why did they chose the best written song on here ("2,000 Man") and give it sucky treatment. This is clearly a worse song, but it's produced better. It gets really old after the first minute of it or so. Oooooh ... I miss those solo albums ... This is poop relatively speaking. (And Stupid Man Stanley wrote it.) They seemed to try hard, though. Dirty Livin' 7.5/10 See? This is a Peter Criss co-penned song, and it is SO more enjoyable song! Why can't Paul Stanley just drop dead or something? He's a DRIP! This one has a nice pop groove to it. Other than that, though, it's certainly nothing special. I just like the groove. That part's really neat. And Stanley had nothing to do with the songwriting!!!! Charisma 5/10 A Gene Simmons penned song! Yay! Unfortunately, it's not that good. The hooks are definitely here, and I guess that makes it okay. The song is completely banal, though, and really makes me want to pound my head against concrete objects. The chorus is awful. And ... um ... I like the guitars, though, at least. Magic Touch 5/10 PAUL STANLEY SUCKS! This is a bad, bad song. The melody is nothing, the instrumentation is that too slow, wuss-rock that I remember all-too-vividly from Kiss's first three albums of poop. Hard Times 7/10 ACE! It's about time we've got to hear from Ace Frehley ... the greatest Kiss solo artist since NOBODY. Yes, it's true. The riff is good'n'derivative (but still listenable completely). It has a good chorus. And it's only *slightly* dumb and banal. Oh yes. This is actual music. I liked the vast majority of the songs in his solo album better, though. X-Ray Eyes 6.5/10 Gene Simmons had a pretty good solo album ... but that last song of his made me wonder. But "X-Ray Eyes" is okay. It has a melody ... I really hate those guitar chords, though. They're too loud and faceless. (Again, that's Kiss fer ya!) They are almost mind-poundingly awful, actually. Save Your Love 6/10 ACE!!!! Dude, this song sucks. It could have been much better. Paul Stanley is behind this. I know it. Your density has bought you to write me a comment about album here.

All reviews are copyrighted by the author, Michael Lawrence. He gives manicures to the poor.