Go back to the main Kiss page! Read more about this rotten band! Stun Gun Overall Album Score: 5.8 out of 10 Kiss was actually growing into a team of creative dingbats (or at least they hung around creative dingbats) when they did their Destroyer and Rock and Roll Over. Love Gun is the much critically-hailed return-to-form ... and, you know, it was THAT FORM that I said absolutely sucked in Rock and Roll Over. So, when they say that Kiss has returned to form, I say: "Oh, brother!" I guess that means no more Rod Stewart impersonations ... But at least Kiss didn't regress on their instrumental abilities. I can clearly remember, all those months ago, trudging through those horrendous early albums, having to listen to those no-talent worthless imbeciles pretend that they can play instruments. Certainly by now, they've practiced enough and they've turned into decent instrumentalists, mind you that they'll never actually turn into gods with them. And, as you've probably predicted, Kiss is still absolute balls when it comes to songwriting. This one doesn't even have stand-out in it ... every Kiss album since Dressed to Kill at least had a frikin' stand-out. The only thing that comes close to a stand-out is "Tomorrow and Tonight," which sounds too much like "Rock and Roll All Nite" to really be called significant. Everything in here is mildly amusing but DEAD. Nevertheless, one thing that Kiss did learn during these several years that they were on the scene is how not to write completely wretched songs. There's not one head-banging song on here ... by head-banging, I mean, of course, banging-your-head-on-the-pavement. Actually, to someone who wasn't already conditioned with Kiss and Hotter Than Hell might be prone to that. If you like having no self-induced injuries, then please be utterly forewarned! Overall Album Score: 5.8 out of 10 (Crapoly with stake sauce! I actually though that after their previous two albums, which showed actual signs of creativity and talent, would mean that this album might have a decent showing as well ... They're still not as rancid ugly as their early years ... but this is hardly Mozart ... it's not even chopsticks ...) Average Song Score: 6.4 (I was rather hoping that Kiss would come up with an actually decent set of tunes ... for once ... I've still got to appreciate the fact, though, that this is SCORES better than what they were doing in their early years ... I'm not at near-suicide ... and don't you think that I don't appreciate that fact, either.) Album Tilt: 5.5 (Kiss can eat it out of their blowholes!) Artist Rating: 5.5 (If they were painters, they wouldn't have yet mastered the art of coloring within the lines.) Track Reviews I Stole Your Love 7/10 I once stole a container of cheese puffs, but you don't hear me writing a song about it-Er ... never mind. I'll be good from now on. I promise. The good thing about this Kiss song is that IT ROCKS! Really. Well, it does actually rock! It has guitars on it. And some drumming. ... Oh, and what am I forgetting? Oh, right. It has SINGING on it, too! It's not an awful song, either. It has a melody, I guess. It's rather banal, but if I really thought that banality was a problem, then I would have simply written "shenanigans" as the track review and have been done with it. Well, at least "I Stole Your Love" is listenable. Unfortunately, it's one of the best songs of this album ... Oh, Kiss, you're soooo predictable ... Christine Sixteen 6/10 According to the All-Music Guide, "Christine Sixteen" has a lot of historical importance because it is the first Kiss song to feature the piano. However, I would like to point out another piece of historical importance that "Christine Sixteen" entails for Kiss: it is the first Kiss song to feature, quite prominently, fake vomiting sounds! ... Oh wait, I'm doing that. Never mind. Got Love For Sale 6.5/10 Hey! This song has a riff! ... And Kiss knows how to *play* riffs! What do you know? You *can* teach old dogs wearing a lot of make-up new tricks, after all. Apart from the neat riff, though, this one has the typical lack of good melody. ...Although, I suppose there *is* a melody here. I can't forget how bloody awful those early studio albums were... So, I'm grateful. Shock Me 6/10 That's what *I'm* saying, guys! I'm waiting quite patiently for you to "Shock Me" and it's not happening! You did it on Rock and Roll Over when you did that entirely awesome Rod Stewart impression ... but so far, you've been quite ordinary on Love Gun. Boy ... "Shock Me" is such an overly simplistic song ... it's okay to be a little complex every once in awhile ... Not everyone who listens to Kiss wants to be a complete moron ... (Not that I'm dissing any Kiss fans out there ... there must be at least a few brain cells circulating among you...) There's a pretty formidable guitar solo in here, but I'm sad to say that I reviewed a Who album earlier this week and Pete Townshend completely spoiled me. Heck ... my great aunt would spoil me if she ever got her hands on an electric guitar ... And she has arthritis. Tomorrow and Tonight 7.5/10 Everyone hates this song because it's another carbon-copy clone of "Rock and Roll All Nite" ... But since I'm such a jerk-head, I'm going to say that I like "Tomorrow and Tonight" because it sounds like "Rock and Roll All Nite." Hey! If it ain't broke, don't fix it, baby! (Well, in the case of "Rock and Roll All Nite," it was pretty broken to begin with ... but it wasn't a marriage ...) Love Gun 7/10 Well, this song is pretty cool, too, but it's still FAR from being a hard-rock masterpiece ... everything always is ... but at least it's a *mediocre* hard-rock song that sounds like it might have been a hard-rock masterpiece if there weren't a bunch of other masterpieces running around spoiling the atmosphere. Hooligan 6.5/10 Ooooooh! Apart from the cheese-puff melody, this one sounds it could have been something by a talented rock-and-roll band! The electric guitar solo here almost sounds like it is being played by someone who actually *knows how* to play the electric guitar. That doesn't make up for the cheese-puff melody. ...and those really stupid lyrics I'm not even going to mention ... Almost Human 5/10 It's already been established that if Kiss is playing a song, it's being played by a group of "Almost Humans" ... this is "almost" a song, too ... Actually, I like the sliding vocal effects here ... It's been done before, I'm almost positive, but at least there's something slightly interesting in here. The guitar solo here is *really* show-offey ... and everything else about this one is "almost" poop. It's not entirely worthless, though, so I'll be nice and give 'er "almost" a 5.5. Plaster Caster 6.5/10 This one is actually listenable ... and it's listenable in less of an amusing way than many of these other songs were ... It's still pretty awful, though. If I was really clueless, I might be impressed with the chord-changes. But ... Me no impresso. Then She Kissed Me 6/10 OH BROTHER! This is that old Phil Spector song ... and the walls of Jericho came a-tumbling down ... Not surprisingly, this song has the greatest melody of the entire album. It's performed very badly, however... Shoot me with your lovin' and give me a comment about "Love Gun" here!

All reviews are copyrighted by the author, Michael Lawrence. He has chronic constipation.