Music From "The Crapper"

Overall Album Score: 7.0 out of 10

I'm sure if you were to put in the calculations ... considering how frequently I said I abhor Kiss' toneless style of heavy-metal, and how many times I've said that I adore progressive rock ... you could easily guess that if there was any Kiss album that I might like, this would be it. And you'd essentially be right.

This album came as a sort of shock to me. I was expecting some more el crap-o heavy metal from these guys. But NO!!! This is an art-rock album of all things! And, call me an absolute buggar, but I have this 'thing' with art-rock ... a 'thing' that's much greater than my 'thing' with heavy metal. So, it's a safe assumption for you to assume that I'm much more willing to accept a cheesy art album than a cheesy heavy metal album. (Keep in mind that there are still quite a few Kissian songs thrown in here for good measure ... but most of these were written by the slightly talented tastes of either Gene Simmons or Ace Frehley.)

Also, another thing to keep in mind concerning this album is that Paul Stanley is surprisingly passive here when it comes to song-composition. He co-pens merely four songs in here ... and one of them is with Gene Simmons! Don't think this isn't a factor! We all know how crappy Paul Stanley is at songwriting! ... He does come out with a few formidable songs, though ... "Just a Boy" isn't bad (although his singing on that ... I'll bring that up later). "Fanfare" is the short and throwaway goofy Medieval-type music that introduces the album (this song doesn't flop only 'cos it doesn't have enough time to flop). "The Oath" really isn't that good at all, but heck, that's one out of three. And, his co-composition with Gene Simmons "A World Without Heroes" really isn't as bad as it sounds.

Yes, cheesy art-music this might be. However, I was willing to accept from the very beginning that Kiss would never be able to pull of something that's even relatively close to being a masterpiece. The songwriting here is *slightly* better than normal (mostly because of Stanley's relative absence). The main reason, however, why I like Music From the Elder more than the average Kiss album is undoubtedly because of the style. I've said it many times before, and I'll say it again! I like art-music! I don't care if it's ridiculously over-pretentious, but if it has some nice orchestral backgrounds, I'm much more apt to like the music. SO FREAKING SUE ME! I've sat through many a bad art-album in my day, and I wouldn't even call Music From the Elder a boring album ... so, it doesn't lose points there. Anyway, I still don't have much respect for Kiss, but I like the fact that they were willing to try something new. Apparently, Ace Frehley didn't like that fact, so he left the band after this and started his own rock-and-roll baaaaaaaaaand. See ya!

Overall Album Score: 7.0 out of 10 (I'm not going to get out picketer signs and start a massive campaign to get Music From the Elder out of its 'under-appreciated' status because it's just not worth it. Just the same, this is clearly one of Kiss' best albums! ... though, that's really not saying very much.)

Average Song Score: 7.5 (WHAT??!???!?? Well, this is uncharacteristically high for a Kiss album. The songs that totally flop in here are at a surprising few. Also worth mentioning is Paul Stanley who is only partly responsible for four songs.)

Album Tilt: 7.0 (Ummm ... Obviously, the vision Kiss had for this album greatly exceeded the actual quality of the finished project. ... I'm still unsure if this was supposed to be a concept album or what? ... I assume not, since it has that "Music From" in the title. Heck, if I tried looking for a concept in here, I'd probably just get angry. So I'll leave it at that.)

Artist Rating: 6.5 (Well ... let's not get carried away, peoples. I appreciate the effort, but the 'artsy' incarnation of Kiss is a bit embarrassing for us Genesis fans.)

Track Reviews

Fanfare 3/5

This is a Medieval-type introduction ... Even when they do something like this, Kiss proves that they are utterly derivative! They could have sold this to an underfunded version of 20th Century Fox, and they could play this tune in the beginning of all their movies! It may be fine in that context, but it sure doesn't belong in a rock-and-roll album ... even an 'artsy one.' That all said, it's not like "Fanfare" isn't listenable or anything ... but it sounds like movie studio music! CRAP!

Just a Boy 8/10

I'm not going to sit here and tell you that "Just a Boy" doesn't have a melody! Actually, the melody is quite nice. Even the derivative instrumentation (...I must have heard this type of stuff a dozen times from people like Styx and Queen, but ... whatever ...). What's particularly funny here is that Paul Stanley tries to do a falsetto vocal, but comes off rather sounding like somebody just kicked him most righteously in the groin. But ... alas ... "Just a Boy" might not be able to move mountains, but it's not a bad song or anything.

Odyssey 9/10

Yikes! I was about to be impressed with this song, but then I realized that nobody from Kiss actually wrote this song. (It's credited to somebody named "Powers" ... am I to assume that this is "Austin Powers?") This classical-music inspired song totally isn't what this world remembers Kiss for, but it dang sure is listenable. I even like the overtones on this one! It manages to convincingly sound dramatic! I know if I were to sit down and over-analyze this, I would find that this is shallow poop, but I like it! ... I can't help myself.

Only You 6.5/10

As the band starts coming up with more Kissian-reminiscent tunes, I can slowly sink in my chair and start twiddling my thumbs again. It's not that I object to hard-rock ... I do object to hard-rock where the artist doesn't have great enough songwriting skills! Gene Simmons might have convinced me a few other times with his songwriting, but he fails to really do it here at a significant scale. All that said, "Only You" isn't a failed song at all, really. It has some pretty nice riffs. For good measure, there's an instrumental reference to "Just a Boy" in here ... oh yes, aren't we trying to be a bit too much like The Who? It sounds like they were trying for another Quadrophenia ... it's not that I don't appreciate the effort, or anything, but Kiss?!!??!??

Under the Rose 7.5/10

Interesting! This is a Medieval-type song that really manages to recreate a rather dark Medieval vocal chorus. This song really isn't that good ... it would require quite a few more vocal hooks than this. But I like that spooky vibe of that chorus. (This is a Gene Simmons co-composition. The other composer is the band's brand new drummer Eric Carr ... Yes, please keep Stanley as far away from that mike as possible, thank you.)

Dark Light 8/10

Ohhhhhhh boy ... This is a regular old Kiss heavy metal song ... but why doesn't it so rancidly suck? ... Oh! I see! Ace Frehley and Gene Simmons wrote it with Anton Figg (the former drummer) and some guy named "Reed." (I can only assume that this isn't "Lou Reed" ... there are a lot of Reeds in the world, but there's only one "Lou Reed.") I don't think the melody was written very well at all, but this song's non-suckability factor is something that you might have to listen to to believe.

A World Without Heroes 8/10

...Does this song title make this sound groan-inducingly over-pretentious? Why don't I just put on some Uriah Heep? ... eek! This is another artsy-type progressive rock song. It's really not awful, though ... but it is as over-pretentious as I feared. I don't mind it, though, as long as it sounds nice. I do also rather enjoy that appropriately placed electric guitar solo in here. This is what 80s progressive-metal was invented for, after all.

The Oath 6/10

I'm sorry!!!!! I'm really not looking at who writes these songs before passing judgement on them, but ... really ... this song IS quite banal. And, of course, banal probably means that Paul Stanley had something to do with it. (He also had something to do with "A World Without Heroes," but that song was banal, too ... it just managed to sound nice.) The melody and riff here are so derivative ... and WEAK pieces of derived heavy-metal at that ... that makes this song about as thin as water. That said, it's not at a high degree of "bad" or anything. Remember, it's getting a 6, so I'm not ripping my hair out or anything.

Mr. Blackwell 8/10

Wow! I hate these lyrics to the last breath of my body, but the song itself really managed to work! It's a surprisingly minimalist song that has such a spooky, dark undertone ... and that chorus manages to really work! Holy moly! This is a Kiss album, right? So why am I not wrecking havoc and trashing everything in site? Could it be that this is a slightly passable Kiss effort?? ?? ????? Apart from the stupid lyrics, this is actually a good Kissian hard-rock tune! Well, what do you think of that? (This was co-written by Gene Simmons.)

Escape From the Island 7.5/10

Again, this isn't a bad hard-rock tune. It was co-penned by Frehley ... no wonder he left the band! Gene Simmons is the one who's emerged as the real shimmerer in these early-80s albums ... Just the same, though, this is an altogether decent hard rock instrumental. Again, this is nothing that'll move mountains ... but this is solid.

I 7/10

The lyrics are crappy, but this anthemic sort of song does manage to catch fire. It's really too trite for me to try awarding this anything beyond a 7 ... but this Simmons co-composition is a well-to-do one! I think this one, in particular, tries to over achieve what with that pseudo-catchy chorus, that Elvis impersonation, the snapping, etc. etc. This actually sounds almost like Meat Loaf! The melody sounds like an average 15-year-old might have written it, but ... heck, at least I'm not ripping out my eardrums. ... And this track closes with the same music from "Fanfare," and some really goofy talking. (I can't believe that Kiss wanted to make a movie from this music ... oooooooh ... Then again, this was the 80s ... the decade when anything was possible, movie speaking.)

Are you too elderly to sit on that chair for another two minutes to send me a comment about your thoughts of this album here?

andrewstandish2@activemail.co.uk (A. J. Standish) received March 29, 2005

Afraid that pesky co writer really is the 'one and only' Lou Reed' of Velvet Underground etc. Apparently he contributed something to a few of the albums tunes. Well, that's what Mr Simmons said in '81 when the album was released.

MLavallee@bergerkahn.com (Mark Lavallee) received Oct. 28, 2005

FYI - The "Reed' who co-wrote some ofthe songs on the album is indeed Lou Reed, how he ended up working with Kiss is beyond me, but then Bob Dylan and Zappa both cowrote tunes on Gene Simmons albums so anything is possible...