At Last, Cyndi Lauper Goes Into the Studio, Tries Really Hard, and Finally Produces the Cyndi Lauper Album You Really Don't Need
Overall Album Score: 6.8 out of 10 Cyndi Lauper sings the classics! She is no longer a pop-star ... she reduces herself (or promotes herself ... whichever you would prefer) to a has-been crooner or Broadway star who records and releases a bunch of famous oldies so that some old person perusing through the Barnes and Noble CD store would look at the tracklisting and think to himself or herself "Hey! I know Cyndi Lauper! And I know this song! I want it on CD!" And they would buy it, too! And so ... Cyndi Lauper is no different from the Frank Sinatras, Tony Bennets, Michael Crawfords in their late career ... SHE'S A HOUSEHOLD NAME, BUT NOBODY LIKES HER NEW STUFF, SO SHE JUST RECORDS A BUNCH OF OLD SONGS FROM THE OLDEN DAYS AND MARKETS IT TO OLD PEOPLE WHO IGNORE WHATEVER WAS COOL IN MUSIC WITHIN THE PAST 40 YEARS... Not that was a bad thing for her to do. She hasn't come out with anything worthwhile in the pop category since ... uhhh ... She's So Unusual ... and even that wasn't totally worthwhile. (So ...effectively ... this is her second best album. But ... oh, could you really consider this a Cyndi Lauper album? ... No. She just gave up.) ... but she needed to come out with another album to make more money! ... But she can't be a pop star anymore because she's like 50! But .............. SHE STILL NEEDED TO COME OUT WITH SOMETHING!!! ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ... But not this! COME ON!!!! Yes ... thank you, Cyndi "Michael Crawford Sings the Classics" Lauper. I'll grant you that she has a nice voice. The first few songs of this album display quite raucous vocal talent. If she were only able to keep that up, I might have cared. Overall Album Score: 6.8 out of 10 (A big improvement for Cyndi Lauper ... but, that doesn't mean this album full of dull covers from 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s tunes is any good! Cyndi Lauper is a doodiehead.) Average Song Score: 7.3 (Some of these songs, while not really super-great covers, do a nice job of displaying Lauper's vocal talent. Others don't.) Album Tilt: 6.5 (It starts off well, but it drags its feet at the end ... and it's excruciatingly boring.) Artist Rating: 6.5 (Not an artistic feat whatsoever. The backing instrumentals are more generic than Bob's Brand Ibuprofen.) Track Reviews At Last 9/10 ...She sounds very African-American here. Cyndi's voice is so dang husky! And this is a SPIRITUAL/GOSPEL song! ... Wow, she's a more versatile singer than I had ever imagined! ... Indeed, I have no idea why she's singing gospel (and gospel for OLD people, too) ... but it's a lot better than all of her pop albums have been for the past 20 bloody years. An amazing voice!!!! Walk on By 8.5/10 Another good showcase for Lauper's vocal talent, but ... this song is BORING! It's slow and the piano is quiet! ... AND ... Ummmmm ... Oh, this song is fine. Her voice is really powerful. This is soooo different from those bubblegum vocals of 1983. Stay 8.5/10 Yeah ... It's quite obvious that Lauper's managers (or whoever) wanted her entire demographic to change. She's not trying to appeal to rich teenagers ... she's only trying to appeal to OLD people (probably the old people who liked her as teenieboppers in the 80s). And this is a cover of a famous tango song ... It's not bad. The song is fun to listen to ... and, again, Lauper's voice is STRONG. The instrumentation is cheesy, but ... can you really expect anything less? La Vie En Rose 8/10 Ohhhhhhhhh... this is another famous song that we probably don't really need Cyndi Lauper to sing! But, again ... the voice is good! ... I'm sure old people everywhere were delighted. Unchained Melody 6.5/10 Booooooooooooooorinnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg... I'm sure all the old people who bought this like it, though, because most of them are boring. ... I know I've heard this song before ... but ... hopefully not this boring. If You Go Away 7/10 Boring! Slow! Boring! Slow! I'm bored! I don't care! Cyndi Lauper should be more exciting! Because I'm bored! Even when she sings louder I'm still bored! Oh! Boring! Next track, please! ... Her voice isn't even that great here. This needed another take. Until You Come Back to Me 8/10 Much less boring this time ... But this is sooooooo cheesy! ... I don't mean the song itself is cheesy, but those SESSION INSTRUMENTS!!! Just because you're marketing this to old people doesn't mean your session players have to sound so bored. There used to be such a thing as "virtuosity" in the studio. Assumedly, old people might enjoy a little bit of that, too. My Baby Just Cares For Me 7.5/10 ...This song was cookie-cut to contain some instrumental virtuosity, but ... they sound like what Michael Bolton sounds like when he sings. PHONEY GARBAGE!!!!!!! Makin' Whoopee 7/10 Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... this song should have stayed in the 30s! ... Or at least Cyndi Lauper shouldn't have sung it. This old jazz cover that is, in spite of the title, is Borirngirnignrinngnnnggggg! And that term "Makin' Whoopee" is very annoying. And I don't want to hear it anymore. ... A no name singer (that sounds like Louie Armstrong) comes in and Lauper talks in the background! ANNOYING!!!!!!! If you really want jazz, this is the wrong place to find it. This is too cutesy and commercial. I don't really like jazz anyway! ARRGH!!! But ... ohhhhhhhh ... that's such an annoying phrase, but this was a good song ... I guess ... rrrrrrrrr ... QUIT SAYING THAT!!!!!!!!! Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood 6/10 Seriously, you don't have to be so boring. Why can't you be exciting???? Do you really need to showcase your voice that desperately?? ... NIHNOREINH)($#J)(TJ$)(GN$)(N)#(!!!!!!!! You Really Got a Hold On Me 6/10 A remarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrKably slow and boring version of that old Temptations hit. Why does she even bother? Hymn to Love 7/10 The piano intro to this next dreadfully dull song from Cyndi "I wanna be a woman Frank Sinatra" sounds exactly like some song I used to sing in middle school choir. ... Geez, now those are some memories that I didn't want to recall! Thanks a freaking lot, biotch! Man ... you really can't get much bleaker than this, ... Beaker. (*meep, meep*) On the Sunny Side of the Street 5.5/10 I really don't know what to think of this song ... You've certainly heard the original version of this song (or an approved cover). And, for whatever reason, they decided to adopt a ska edge to it. And, as I bet you can guess, it SUCKS. The End. Cyndi Lauper will SUCK FOREVA!!!!! tranquiley@aol.com (morgaine) received July 15, 2005 surely you are joking about the "no name" singer joining her on the cover of "making whoopee"??? slyle73@hotmail.com (Scott) received July 15, 2005 Hey it's pretty funny you said Cyndi Lauper was joined by a no name singer on Making Whoopie, Tony Bennett is a no name singer? LOL. I guess you just don't know anything about music. |
All reviews are copyrighted by the author, Michael Lawrence. He does not need caster oil on his boils.
