Hat Full of Tar
Overall Album Score: 6.8 out of 10 Cyndi Lauper was trying her hardest to craft an "intelligent" image for herself. She was probably more aware than anyone else that it had been 10 years since her heyday, and she couldn't get another massive pop hit to save her life. So, if she would work on that smart pop girl image leftover from Madonna's Like a Prayer, then maybe she would get some critical acclaim! According to her fans, Hat Full of Stars was a massive critical success and it showed a new, personable side to Lauper. The production is no so much quirky this time, but it's more tasteful. Fortunately, Lauper found time to make it even more varied and developed than even She's So Unusual was. Unfortunately, she's still having an awfully difficult time writing decent melodies. And that is the primary shortfall of the album. Lauper fans like to argue that melodies aren't the most imporant part of a pop song ---- but they're dead wrong. What's the point of listening to the song if it has a bland theme? OK, she has a voice. I'll tell you that my favorite work of the album is "Someone Like Me." A curious track that begins like a Tori Amos ballad, and there's a Madonna-esque dance-pop song in the middle. Also vying for that position is the rhythmic and finely textured "Lies." I'm also a minor fan of the happy urban-pop tune "Like I Used To." Maybe to prove that Lauper really didn't know which songs of hers was good or not, she opens and closes the album with two of the worst songs. "That's What I Think" is an awfully confused song with a dead-dull groove. The closing track is the album's namesake, and it's so bland that it bores me to tears. The most obnoxious song of the album is unquestionably the attempted marriage between '90s diva-pop and 20s folk with "Feels Like Christmas." That was an interesting idea, but I think you can imagine why that didn't work. It's such a shame these Lauper albums aren't turning out to be very good, because it's clear that she's trying. Unfortunately, Lauper was only blessed with singing talent and not songwriting talent... But I'll give her that she did a few nice things in the studio! The production is much better than Madonna's 1992 album Erotica. Overall Album Score: 6.8 out of 10 (Lauper gets the effort factor working in her favor, but that sure doesn't do much to make up for the fact that this album is dead dull.) Average Song Score: 7.0 (The song production is better than the previous two albums combined resulting in a higher song score, but I do wish she would get out of that shell of hers and write a decent tune.) Album Tilt: 6.5 (This is difficult to sit through, because it's so undersaturated with durable themes.) Artist Rating: 7.0 (Yes. She's trying, indeed.) Track Reviews That's What I Think 6.5/10 You have to understand where I'm coming from. This song begins with an urban rhythm that sounds like this is gonna be some **gnarley** song. But then these wimpy old synthesizers come in playing the most flat and uninteresting groove that just repeats itself throughout the four-minute running length... Geez!!! The highlight of the song is inevitably Lauper's incredibly passionate vocal performance, which doesn't disappoint. Imagine how she would sound if the song was actually good. Product of Misery 7/10 This is probably the worst intro to a Cyndi Lauper song yet. A flat and uninteresting drum machine plays and nothing else. When I was a kid, I had a toy bear drummer that delivered a much more lively solo. Eventually a synthesizer comes in and plays two flat chords. Then the usual rock combo comes in and Lauper goes right into singing "I am a product of misery." These uninteresting nine notes are repeated at least a dozen times in the course of this song, and it really gets tiring. The saving grace is Lauper's jazzy, world weary performance. Other than the chorus, some bits of the songwriting is OK. It also features a surprisingly convincing electric organ solo. They really aren't trying to be my friend when they end this track with the same boring loop that opened this horrible song... Who Let in the Rain 6/10 Here I have no beef with the production or arrangement whatsoever. I'm also beginning to feel grateful that this isn't the '80s anymore, because the snare drum is only a little bit too loud. The only beef I have with it is the melody is absolutely WORTHLESS. This is the type of song where I would expect Lauper to start delivering some deathly hooks, but she doesn't even bother. Not even a little bit. Lauper: Don't you have anything left to give to the working class? Lies 8/10 ...and the floodgates of the hooks hath opened, and the worth hath rejoiced... So, this is what a catchy melody sounds like. It's nice! I feel like I'm the dinosaurs from The Land Before Time who finally made it to that Happy Valley ... Place...... It starts out with another drum machine solo, but this one's actually interesting. The two chords Lauper used for this song are interesting with a nice bit of rhythm from the piano. The star of the show is that xylophone in the background. NICE. Broken Glass 7.5/10 Oh yeah! Cyndi Lauper grew up in New York, so she can have an urban groove because SHE'S FROM THE CITY! This song comes fully equipped with a funk guitar and a particularly awesome Sanford & Sons-esque harmonica. ... And, well, I actually enjoy this song. Lauper is much humbler than Madonna (well, pretty much everyone is humbler than Madonna). The melody continues to be week, but this groove and slick production dazzles me enough to distract me. Oooo, they're up to trickery it seems! Sally's Pigeons 6.5/10 This track begins with Lauper singing another BORING melody except it's a cappella. Hey I don't mind hearing her sing a cappella, but ... geezzz. It's like she has no idea what a "hook" is. There's a little bit of redemption when the instrumentation gracefully thickens. Lauper seems to be going for a touchy-feely thing, but she's only coming up with a sleepy-boring thing. I will say that I like the instrumentation, which contains a few nice ideas. Feels Like Christmas 6/10 This starts out with a folk beginning sounding exactly like she was playing in some dusty old radio station in the '20s for the country-folk. And then somewhat annoying instrumentation pops up, and Lauper starts to sing meaningless lyrics about holidays and some crap about "love knocking at your door." Whatever happened to the melodies? Did she really think endlessly repeating five notes worth of "it feels like Christmas" was going to be interesting to listeners? ...CYNDI LAUPERrrrrrr!!!!! Dear John 7/10 What's with these drum machine solos that's been opening the songs? You know that's one of the worst ways you can start a song, right? Anyway, this is a similarly folk-flavored pop ditty that's difficult for my poor little brain to think about. The good news is that the melody is at least somewhat formidable, and I like that glockenspiel. Lauper tries to sound "gritty" here and I really don't think that's a good sound for her. Like I Used To 8/10 Well, this is something. It's a happy and upbeat song with a melody that's actually pretty enjoyable! There's a little bit too much Bobby McFerrin pandering in here with this happy urban groove, but whatever. If it has a decent, poppy tune, then I'm kept happy. Someone Like Me 8.5/10 Yay! The Kate Bush/Tori Amos ballad! Mostly due to the fact that I like that style of music ends up making this my favorite tune of the album. I like that woodwind synth we hear during the "ballad" part. Most imporantantly, the melody is catchy --- not so much the chorus, though. Halfway through, she turns this into a Madonna dance track, but I acutally think it's pretty convincing. Yeah... Now why couldn't she have done this in the rest of the album? A Part Hate 7/10 A part..... love? This song is OK. It's another one that features an urban groove... It does get boring after a little while, but I guess we can't have everything, can we?? The melody is utterly bland even though Lauper delivers a soulful vocal performance. I like some of the textures... the xylophones are nice. Hat Full of Stars 6.5/10 Lauper ends this with a sweet ballad... I don't have anything against the way it's produced or sung. In fact, I think the production is rather good. Maybe it could have been more atmospheric, but that's not an important point. There is just one problem with this song: IT BORES ME TO TEARS. The melody is as bland as can be. Yawn. Send me your hatfull of crappy comments here! skitzy_rocker22@msn.com (J) received July 28, 2005 Wow, your just so swift with those play on words with crap... well i'll tell ya one thing...your opinion is craptacular... and you as a reviewer..well your craptastic... this album was critically acclamied you sped |
All reviews are copyrighted by the author, Michael Lawrence. I have a snake the size of a sewer pipe living in my ribcage.
