Go back to the main Cyndi Lauper page ... weirdo ... Stew Colors Overall Album Score: 6.3 out of 10 As expected, nothing Lauper could ever do would match the commercial invincibility of She's So Unusual. Sophomore-itis wasn't enough to explain that; she just didn't have another album like that inside of her. Now, I'm afraid that I was never able to go bonkers over She's So Unusual, so I can't do much else but give this follow-up a panning. I'll at least be polite about it, because I realize there are many very sensitive Cyndi Lauper fans out there, and I don't want to kick them in the stomach while they're down. So, I'll be a polite jerk. With True Colors, Lauper was experimenting with the "Uphill Theory." That is, she opens the album with two of the most excessive, crappiest '80s pop songs ever unleashed upon mankind. This makes the mediocre songs to follow sound like pop gold in comparison. Well it almost works. When I listen to this album casually, I get a bit of a high whenever I get to "Boy Blue" even though it's otherwise a typical and forgettable pop song. Likewise, the title track, a decidedly tasteful yawnfest, seems like a masterstroke in comparison. She ends up closing the album with the two best songs --- an "Addicted to Love" clone called "911" and then a bland though atmospheric '80s thing called "One Track Mind." These songs are not-special whatsoever, and they are the equivalent of the filler from Thriller, but --- well you are kind of forced to appreciate those. Anyway, Lauper should know that she can't use science to cover up the fact that she's not able write a good song! Perhaps the worst fact about True Colors is that she completely lost the quirkiness and carefree fun of that debut. I almost don't think these two albums were by the same artist except the singer definitely sounds the same. The production on True Colors is nowhere near as vibrant or creative --- this is a much colder release that exclusively adheres to bland '80s production standards. So, who needs this album? The most well regarded hit here is easily the title track, but I usually just take a couple doses of Nyquil if I'm having trouble sleeping. That saves me the trouble of wasting electricity. Overall Album Score: 6.3 out of 10 (It's not so much a disappointment, but it was a bit too expected that Lauper would morph into a dime-a-dozen '80s pop star for her sophomore release.) Average Song Score: 7.0 (Have you ever seen such a bland wasteland? ... Well I've seen much worse than this so I'll shut up.) Album Tilt: 6.0 (Extra points are taken away for the horrible first impression and the general blandness throughout.) Artist Rating: 6.0 (The production is as bland an uncreative as it gets. It's so '80s that it's doo-doo.) Track Reviews Change of Heart 5/10 Cyndi Lauper doesn't make a very good first impression --- that's for sure. This song embodies the reason why many people think the '80s were such a horrible decade for music. What else should I say other than it has these synth-led power chords, pukey guitar licks and drums louder than a hydrogen bomb. The most damning factor is the stark lack of vocal hooks in the melody. We hear Lauper singing her heart out, but for no good reason whatsoever; the mood might be right but the substance is nill. The good news is that this song completely lowers our expectations for what's to follow. The end of this song is interesting in a way, but there's a "what were they thinking factor." They have a perfectly nice ending with a ballad section, but then they reintroduce that pukey groove and then fade it out. Huh?? OK. Whatever. Next song. Maybe He'll Know 6/10 ...or does it? Well, I suppose it does. If the opening track was something like "Let it Be," I suppose I would hate this track even worse. The chord progression is the typically cutesy '50s "Heart and Souls" sequence. Lauper seems to be trying to show us her entire vocal range except we can't really hear her too well over all that production. It doesn't matter anyway, because this would have been a horrible song even if we could hear her well enough. The production is otherwise alright, but I guess the producers can't make a great song out of such a bland melody... The fact they had to use that chord progression sort of damned them from the very start. Boy Blue 7.5/10 Alright, if those previous two tracks weren't enough to make your brain rattle, here's finally a formidable song. Really it's nothing to phenomenal, but it does sound like "Billie Jean" next to the opening tracks. Cyndi Lauper's uphill theory proved to be effective! Really this is a fairly bland mid-tempoed song, but I appreciate it because it's not stupid and it doesn't suck. The chorus is enjoyable and you really have to appreciate those vocals, which seem to be trying to soar through the air. The production is alright, but it's very typical for the '80s. This isn't done with the same sort of creativity that we saw on She's So Unusual. True Colors 7.5/10 A ballad! It's likable and was apparently covered by a wide array of artists including PHIL COLLINS. As you probably know, any song covered by Phil Collins must be great. This might be an utterly bland and generally uninvolving ballad, but ........... um, I can't think of anything good to modify that phrase. I think the good news is that it's tasteful and subtly melodic. The production is crystal clear, but the instrumentation was a bit of a misfire. Usually, instrumentation enhances a song instead of making it sound so dang sluggish. Calm Inside the Storm 6.5/10 Very banal, but it's upbeat and it's kind of danceable. I do miss the brash creativity that we were drenched with in the debut album, but I suppose the rest of the world shared this feeling! The melody ought to have been injected with some hooks somewhere, and the groove isn't infectious whatsoever. Seriously, the only reason this track is half-listenable is for its upbeat rhythm. That's not exactly good tidings. What's Going On 7/10 Calmer and less intrusive. I think it's safe to say if you're not going to write catchy melodies, the least you can do is refrain from annoying me. The groove is smooth and pleasant, and it's perfectly decent for in-one-ear-out-the-other listening. Lauper does what she can with her jumpy vocals, and that's kind of fun to hear if you're actually thinking about paying close attention to this song. I just realized that this is a Marvin Gaye cover. I suppose I should be disappointed... Iko Iko 7.5/10 This is Lauper's cutesy cover of a Cajun folk song. For some reason, this used to midly impress me, but I can't say that it has that effect on me anymore. I suppose the busy and lite percussion is rather well done, but it probably would have been better if it didn't sound so '80s! I guess it's useless criticizing anything here for sounding too '80s! The melody is memorable, but it's very trite. No, any argument you're going to use against that statement will work. It's a trite melody. There are proper ways to cover this song such as Dr. John's celebrated cover. The Faraway Nearby 7/10 This is really pretty awful, but it does constitute one the highlights of the album. At first I want to give this song a B-, because the initial hooks work well enough to draw me in. Lauper ends up repeating the hooks so much that it grows stale and even borderline miserable. The production is quite dull, and it all turns out to be a standard boring '80s pop affair. Meh. 911 8/10 Good old Lauper is working on some power pop song in the same vein as Robert Palmer's unstoppable hit "Addicted to Love." The problem with this is that Lauper doesn't even possess half the suave and awesomeness to make something like this work. But the good news is that this is acutally the best-written song of the whole album, because the groove is pretty good. Furthermore, there's a Pee Wee Herman cameo at the end. Oh, freak yes. One Track Mind 8/10 For the love of GOD, Cyndi Lauper really was using the Uphill Theory "One Track Mind" is easily one of the best songs of the album. She should have just reversed the track listing. The production is thicker and more convincing than most of these other songs, and she does deliver a decent hook here and there. This is so '80s that it almost hurts, but at least it's a formidable one. I don't like the sudden way this song ends though. It's very anti-climactic. Well... anyway... what can I expect... Iko Iko sent commintos here!

All reviews are copyrighted by the author, Michael Lawrence. He's a chap.