You Might Even Fall Asleep

Overall Album Score: 6.2 out of 10

I swear! If it's not one thing with Madonna, it's another thing! This time in Madonna's wonderful discography, we finally get an album with a bunch of pretty good songs on it. Unfortunately, they're so danged alike and monotonous that it's difficult to even sit through this one.

I mean ... ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!! ... This album is
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRINGGGGGG!!

It's filled with nothing but dead dull, quiet beats, and Madonna singing whatever stupid stuff that comes to her mind and fills up an entire album with it! I just can't believe how dull this is! That is surprising because the quality of the songs isn't necessarily dreadful. I'd say this might just be Madonna's most musically tasteful album of her career. It certainly has more merit than Like a Prayer and Erotica ... but those albums at least had diversity. I want to think that Bedtime Stories is an "artistic" album, but she doesn't breathe any life into these whatsoever! And it's just boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring.

It's strange, but it seems the moment Madonna tries to be tasteful in an album, she still manages to choke.

Overall Album Score: 6.2 out of 10 (This is better than most of Madonna's albums. If it were more diverse, then it would have scored much higher than this. It's not as overly-stupid as many of her other albums come off as.)

Average Song Score: 6.6 (These songs seem to want to be creative ... but a song can't be creative by doing the exact same thing that all the other ones do.)

Album Tilt: 6.0 (Dead monotonous.)

Artist Rating: 6.0 (Madonna's trying to be an artist, I won't deny her that. Unfortunately, this album is further proof that she was no musical genius.)

Track Reviews

Survival 7/10

Surprisingly, the album doesn't start out with the best song! ... I thought it was always Madonna's strategy to put all the good song at the beginning of the album! She's done that ever since she was FREAKING BORN! "Survival" isn't a bad song. I'm only giving it a 7 because it's not interesting enough for me. The melody is okay, but it doesn't have enough hooks to really entice me. All in all, though, "Survival" wasn't a bad effort. I should probably give it extra points, because this is the shortest track on here by more than 30 seconds.

Secret 8.5/10

This is a pretty good song! The melody has hooks in it! Yay! The production ... hmmm ... TOO MONOTONOUS. That's the problem with this album in general, but "Secret" is less dull than usual. So this is a good effort. It also should have been shorter. Five minutes is a long time to be listening to the same thing over and over.

I'd Rather Be Your Lover 6.5/10

WHOAH! You could be my sister??? You're family was more promiscuous than I thought...

Why do these songs have to be so boring? Really, even though I trashed Madonna mercilessly in her previous reviews, I am really trying to like this album! But it's not working! It's a shame, because they show signs of creativity. But, these songs are so booooooring! It feels almost like I'm sitting in calculus class. YAWN!

Don't Stop 5.5/10

Well, this one's melody has no hooks whatsoever. (Man ... isn't this melody stupidly simple? ... Well, I think so.) And the fact that it's also dead dull and monotonous doesn't help it whatsoever. Calculus! YAWN!

Inside of Me 6/10

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why must this song sound like all the other songs??? If it didn't, I probably wouldn't find this nearly as tedious. Why don't you just show me how to find the integral, boring calculus jerk?

Human Nature 7.5/10

Well, at least this one is more interesting than those calculus-dull songs we've heard previous in the album. The first two minutes of this are pretty fun, actually. It's still in that quiet, monotonous, dull, but for awhile, it doesn't seem as dull! Unfortunately, this song is five minutes long, and it doesn't change ... at all.

Forbidden Love 6.5/10

For some reason, this BORING song doesn't seem tremendously tedious. It's still boring, though.

Love Tried to Welcome Me 5/10

YAWN! ... 5:21 minutes. Really boring. Next, please.

Sanctuary 5.5/10

OH MAN!!!! THESE SONGS ARE SO BORRRRRRRRRRRRRRINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I'm going to get out my calculus book and study now. That's more entertaining than this pooey!!!

Bedtime Story 6.5/10

I think it's funny that Madonna keeps on saying "Let's get unconscious." TOO LATE!!! I'VE BEEN UNCONSCIOUS EVER SINCE "I'D RATHER BE YOUR LOVER!!!" This song wasn't even written by Madonna (it was co-written by Bjork of all people) and it's still DULL. Although, I will admit that the beat is slightly entrancing ... even though it fails to truly draw me in, unless drawing me into sleep counts.

Take a Bow 8.5/10

I think you should take a bow! This is the ONLY GENUINELY NOT-BORING SONG ON THIS ALBUM!!! HOORAY! The melody is actually well-written ... and it doesn't put me to sleep! Hooray!!!!!!!!! I'M SO HAPPY! YAY! This is almost a good song or something. (I originally scored this at a 9, but there's no excuse for this being 5:21 minutes. NO EXCUSE! MY LIFE IS TOO SHORT!)

... I'm even more happy that the album is over with.

If you have a bedtime story of your own to share with to the world, e-mail it (along with your Madonna comments) here!