Mad Donna's Cow Disease

Overall Album Score: 7.4 out of 10

One thing I’ve always been scratching my head about is why Madonna ever abandoned catchy melodies, which this debut album is full of. Sure, there were a few scattered exceptions later on in her career such as “Papa Don’t Preach” and “Like a Prayer,” but Madonna would never turn out such a great collection of tunes ever again. These songs are lyrically centered around love and therefore this album is also her least pretentious.

I also greatly enjoy Madonna’s vocal performance in this album. In subsequent albums she would take greater care in polishing her voice and making everything “perfect.” (She’d eventually even do this to the point of abusing annoying vocal effects.) But here, it’s like she’s throwing caution to the wind. Madonna never had a perfect voice, and she’s rubbing that in your face. Maybe she didn’t spend a lot of time doing vocal takes? At any rate, the result is more raw and satisfying than her subsequent works.

There are a good handful of classics in this album. “Lucky Star” is a happy-go-lucky pop song, and it’s absolutely impossible to dislike. “Holiday” is surely Madonna’s best song of her career and even features fairly decent song arrangements. “Burning Up” shows Madonna successfully trying to emulate the Eurythmics (with the exception of Annie Lennox’s voice).

Interestingly, the album’s two weakest entries are the closest to resemble the style Madonna would eventually adopt. “Physical Attraction” is a boring and bloated song without a pop hook in sight. “Everybody” is similarly bloated in which Madonna adopts a more familiar vocal style. But for her debut album, let us only concentrate on the first six songs. The last two songs and the remainder of her discography, should quickly phase out of existence for the benefit of the world.

Overall Album Score: 7.4 out of 10 (Madonna's come up with an impressive debut. It's really bogged down by some of the crap, but the hits are fun.)

Average Song Score: 7.8 (Most of these songs are pretty infectious and/or danceable and/or enjoyable. There's a few hits among some really horrendous filler.)

Album Tilt: 7.5 (It's a lot of fun though entirely uneven. This is unquestionably Madonna's finest career moment ... she shoulda quit while she was ahead!)

Artist Rating: 7.0 (Dated and silly...)

Track Reviews

Lucky Star 9.5/10

*prepares to wiggle bottom for one mean dance*

It's such a happy and unpretentious pop song with a catchy melody. The instrumentation is dated (Oh, that synth-bass!), but it’s more or less advantageous to the enjoyment of the song. The fade out at the end is a cop-out, but that’s a minor complaint.

Borderline 8.5/10

It sounds even more dated than “Lucky Star” but it’s another fun song. It still works as a dance floor ditty, but it’s probably not that popular. The stripped-down section in the middle might have worked except it’s devoid of any musical ideas. Wasn’t there someone in the studio to provide a rip-roaring electric guitar or keyboard solo? Whatever. The hooks in the song are solid, though.

Burning Up 8.5/10

This is a Eurythmics clone. Hey, I never accused of Madonna being original! Ever. This song has a nice, hard-driven beat. More than ever, I continue to appreciate the catchiness of these songs!

I Know It 7.5/10

Here is the least inspired contribution on the first side, but it’s not bad. The melody has its good points, and I like the scaling synths embellishing the otherwise stripped down pop song.

Holiday 10/10

This is an unrestrained and enjoyable pop song that obviously aged with time, but that’s doesn’t mean it isn’t 100 percent fun. The song arrangement features some festive percussion choices, and it’s certainly the best of the album in that regard. It’s also hopelessly catchy! This song continues to be popular today, and it’s not unwelcome.

Think of Me 7/10

This bastard is too damn long, but it’s a mildly respectable dance-pop song. Again, the melody is catchy but not infectious. The pop song was going fine, but then she revisited the annoying idea of stripping down everything until only the groove remains. This doesn’t add a thing … it just extends the running length. Alas, that was probably the point.

Physical Attraction 5/10

Big yikes! is the least inspired song of the album thus far, and this strikes me as being closer to what Madonna would succumb to in her future albums. It has a groove, but it’s boring and toneless. Madonna’s vocal performance is similarly bland. Considering the song is an alarming 6:30 minutes screams FILLER at me. Barren pop wastelands such as this is what makes me resent the whole genre!!!!

Everybody 6/10

This piece of crap effectively marks the transition between Madonna’s happy and breezy first period to her lackluster later period, although the groove is enjoyable for the first 30 seconds. Her familiar “sexy” vocal performance is evident here, but there’s no feeling in it. The melody is OK but redundant and sterile. Six minutes was too long for it.

Bonus Tracks

They're just re-mixes of Burning Up and Lucky Star that I don't care enough about to listen to twice within the same hour. Sorry.

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