Click on this link, and you shall be transported to the main Paul McCartney page... Wipes of Grease Overall Album Score: 6.7 out of 10 Unfortunately somewhere in between Tug of War and Pipes of Peace, McCartney decided that he didn't care so much about being himself anymore. He just wanted to blend in more with the '80s adult contemporary scene to be "relevant" or whatever. It could be due to the unimaginable, massive success that Michael Jackson had with Thriller that contributed to the shift. That album famously featured McCartney in a few spots, and he could have misread that album's success as people telling him that he should go bland. Alternately, maybe it was just in the works! He already had a pretty disappointing electronic album under his belt, McCartney II, and Lennon's death could have prompted him to have one last hurrah (Tug of War) before he completely submitted to the '80s pop culture. I'm just piddling around up there. All you must know is that, for whatever reason, McCartney started to make pretty horrible albums in the '80s starting with Pipes of Peace. And when I say "pretty horrible," don't mean to disclude the fact that it has its fair share of gems. Let's point a few out... The title track is a surefire classic and one of my favorite McCartney tracks of all time. I probably get more pleasure out of "Average Person" than the average person, but that's only because I enjoy novelty songs! Speaking of novelty songs, McCartney goes absolutely NUTS in the bonus tracks with an odd little number called "We All Stand Together." It sounds like it belongs in a Disney cartoon, except it's too delightful for that. But anyway, let's get to what you've all clicked on this page for: The bad stuff. The first thing that needs to be said is that Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson do not make a good team. He co-writes and sings two of these tracks, "Say Say Say" and "The Man." Jacko fans might hope to prove their hero's superiority above everything in the '80s by absolutely ruling on this album --- but those two songs are pretty awful. Macca and Jacko are, separately, legendary pop songwriters, but combined they apparently turn into Diane Warren. The worst song of the bunch comes under the guise of experimentation. "Tug of Peace" is so uncharacteristic of Paul McCartney that I'm positive that one of his boogars would have thought of something better than that. One of my bowel movements might not have come up with a better melody, but it would at least know how to give it better orchestration. Heck, even Diane Warren would have come up with something better! It's unspeakably bad and unlistenable --- it's hard to even determine what he was going for! So, is this album worth owning? Not really. Just get the few brilliant tracks I pointed out. Thank goodness we have iTunes!!!!!!! Overall Album Score: 6.7 out of 10 (There's still some good old Paul here, but I fear that he's turning into just another mindless drone...) Average Song Score: 7.1 (One great gem, a few decent listens, two awful songs and a whole lotta mediocrity.) Album Tilt: 6.5 (Conceivably, this could have been a higher rating, but the presence of "Tug of Peace" makes this whole album unlistenable.) Artist Rating: 6.5 (McCartney doesn't even have the "experimentalism" thing going here.) Track Reviews Pipes of Peace 10/10 This is easily the album's greatest song. It even features Paul McCartney's most successful bit of electronic "experimentation." The beginning fades into some really strange industrial sounds... For once McCartney did something interesting. What ensues is a remarkably catchy melody that I can never seem to get out of my head. Not only is the melody great, but I like the instrumentation --- For once, his use of drum machine sounds are interesting, and I like the orchestral quality of the synthesizers he uses and the excellent choir, as well. Say Say Say 7.5/10 What a boring collaboration between Michael Jackson. Obviously, Jackson was returning the favor for Paul McCartney's participation in the mega-hit Thriller except of course McCartney's collaborations consisted of some of the low-lights of that album. Alternately, Jackson's presence doesn't do much to increase the value of Pipes of Peace. I think it's safe to say it wasn't God's will for these two to collaborate! The hooks are absolutely nill, and the production is slick, corny and meaningless. Oh, please bring me back to the glories of the title track!! The Other Me 6.5/10 Why does that bass sound so much like Madonna? No, McCartney doesn't have to reduce himself to these lows! Oh well, this has a melody that's ... OK, I guess. I'd think it'd be pretty good coming from Madonna, but from Paul McCartney, this is just one of his worst and most annoying songs. It doesn't help that his little vocal grunt throughout come off as more of a parody than serious. Keep Under Cover 8/10 Not so bad. The problem with it is it contains so many subsections and the transition between them are unexpected and rocky. The whole of these parts don't exactly equal something that's wholly worthwhile. This comes off as a pretty mediocre ELO song when it comes down to it --- but at least it's kind of fun. So Bad 5/10 ...is so bad!! I'm not kidding, either, so we won't have to sue Mr. McCartney for false advertising. His singing performance is pretty disheartening since I have direct knowledge that he can pull off a great falsetto performance. He sounds like a heartless Prince imitator here and absolutely nothing like Paul McCartney. The melody is bland and the instrumentation is as unimaginative as it gets. ... How can this be the same guy responsible for Ram? ... Heck, how can this be the same guy responsible for the title track on this album? The Man 7/10 The second and final collaboration between McCartney and Michael Jackson. It sounds great only because it follows up "So Bad." (OK, now I'm thinking about Jackson's 1987 song...) Back on topic, these two probably should never collaborate again. Separate from each other, they're able to come up with great songs! (And their only decent collaboration was "Girlfriend" from Thriller, but that was previously written and recorded by McCartney before anyone predicted Jackson's adult surge in popularity.) The melody is bland and there are absolutely no hooks in it. There's some value in the orchestration, I suppose. It has a sort of pleasant, '60s Burt Bacharach feel to it... Just don't listen directly to this and you should be alright. Sweetest Little Show 7.5/10 What a peculiar little thing. It's not necessarily bad, but it seems pretty weird and clueless. Neither his acoustic riff nor the melody is catchy at all. But at least it tries to be pleasant! A completely unrelated instrumental section pipes up after the melody's through, and you can hear all sorts of twinkly guitar noises --- it's weird but meaningless. Then McCartney inserts some audience sound effects clapping (essentially giving himself a round of applause). What a titt! (To borrow and misspell the British phrase.) Average Person 9/10 This is a guilty pleasure for me. OK, maybe it's time for me to stop feeling guilty about liking this. This seems to be a combination between synth-pop, arena-rock and novelty-rock. Well, that with a marginally memorable melody makes this experience into something that's really extremely fun to hear. The sound effects are pretty joyous --- so this is one of his "experimental success stories" I suppose. The flow is nicely done, and he changes around the rhythms every once in while (much of which is toe-tapping)! Hey Hey 7/10 Hey Hey! Here is a collaboration with Stanley Clarke! ... Yeah, that's what I was thinking: "Who is Stanley Clarke?" He's a pretty renowned bass player who released many albums. So, what can come of a song when two world-renowned bass players unite? ... Based on this, nothing too special. This is an involved but bland instrumental. The unfortunate thing is you get the impression that McCartney wanted to give this a lot of attitude. Tug of Peace 3/10 This is so embarrassing that I'm depressed! It uses a hook that he used from the title track of his previous album as well as the title track from this album, and he melds them together over an absolutely unlistenable funk groove. This is depressing. Through Our Love 8/10 At least McCartney chooses to end this with this subtly beautiful ballad. It reminds me of the title track of his previous album (in a much better way than "Tug of Peace") in that it's orchestrated in a classical vein. It's a little more sloppy and pompous, but I almost don't even mind that. The melody isn't that memorable, but it makes for perfectly decent at-the-moment listening. BONUS TRACKS Wow, "Twice in a Lifetime" is really boring adult contemporary sludge. Why I had to associate McCartney with such music is a real piece of CRAP! Listen to that saxophone. Don't you want to kill that saxophone? OK, here's something. "We All Stand Together" is a return to McCartney's delightfully silly songwriting. In fact, I don't think McCartney ever did anything sillier than this song. It sounds like something someone would come up with if they were commissioned to write music for an "It's the Whole World After All" style song. He gives all sorts of cartoon characters singing parts. A deep voiced bear goes "bum-bum-bum" while the squirrels and rabbits take on the higher choral parts. The melody is very cheesy, but it works in ways that I'm in no position to explain. It even seems to feature a whole orchestra (making this seem perfect for some type of cinematic Disney production) --- admittedly my favorite part is that operatic voice we hear very briefly. It makes me giggle inside!!!! "Simple As That" turns out to be one of McCartney's best straight pop tunes from the album. He's taking on some reggae-pop in the same vein as The Police. It has nice flow, and it's devoid of McCartney doing any more of his "experiments." It's a little bland though, and it gets a little tiring. Pipe at this piece here!

All reviews are copyrighted by the author, Michael Lawrence. He talks to the animals!