Exactly What Kind of "Bat" Are We Talking About? A Baseball Bat? ... One of Those Weird Flying Mammals? ... A Mortalcom Bat?

Overall Album Score: 8.7 out of 10

You could call this album a lot of names. You could call it "schlocky." You could call it "stupid and theatric." You could also call it "Ethel."

I, however, prefer to call it "entertaining."

In case if you haven't heard, this is a famous album. Millions bought it! Millions love it! (Millions hate it!) And I'm reviewing it!

It's not the number of units it has sold that makes the album special. No! It's the simple fact that there were very few albums like it! (I mean ... any artist with any sort of respect wouldn't EVEN TRY to make an album like this.) The Who did a similar thing in 1974 with Quadrophenia, but that album wasn't supposed to be funny or cheesy. The Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack might actually be the album's closest relative. Other than that, if anyone's going to undergo a project as grand as this, they won't usually go and make it intentionally cheesy. There's too much risk involved. Yet, this one succeeded.

Bat Out of Hell is like a giant redwood that is growing out of sand. That is, it's giant and larger than life. But the material that it is grounded in is such utter schlock that anyone would think the tree would sink. Somehow ... through forces unknown to man ... it manages to keep aloft. (My theory: Kirk Douglas is holding it up with superstrength.)

Bat Out of Hell is an utterly ridiculous rock opera with some of the cheesiest compositions known to mankind (and that comes courtesy of the album's composer Jim Steinman). Meat Loaf, however, has the voice for it. (He even has the stature of a biker, which certainly helped him tour this stuff.) The lyrics, basically, are so serious that they're funny. If you actually take them seriously and hate the album, you are really missing the point.

So sit back, relax, and the next time you see a biker, show him (or her) some love.

Overall Album Score: 8.7 out of 10 (Like a bat out of hell, I'm ... um ... umm ... very flappy.)

Average Song Score: 8.5 (It's one hundred percent schlock. But most of it is good schlock.)

Album Tilt: 8.5 (I don't enjoy this album more than I have to. I can never seem to get past the sap. On the plus side, however, listening to this album is a kind of strange and kind of 'special' experience.)

Artist Tilt: 9.0 (I'm going on a little bit of a limb here. I can't deny the fact that this was a daring venture. And daring ventures always deserve a bit of a boost in this category. This is an album that you'll probably enjoy in spite of yourself. Bat Out of Hell might be a lot of things, but I am certain of one: It is among the funniest and most charming pieces of sap on the planet.)

Track Reviews

Bat Out of Hell 9/10

This 10-minute track has what would function as the instrumental overture, and then it turns into the title track. Both moments are pretty good. The instrumental part has some very nice guitars in it and that's pretty fun to listen to. Then Mr. Piano chords start playing and Mr. Loaf starts to sing. He introduces us to the concept ... what's essentially about a teenager longing after some chick. It's a primo example of the over-the-top, bombastic theatrics characteristic of this album. And it's all pretty good. The melody isn't godly, but as long as you don't find it too schlocky, it won't be too difficult to get into. It certainly ain't perfect, but it's fun.

You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth 9/10

This track starts out with some very funny dialogue! After careful consideration, I decided to give this track a 9 as well even though the song is definitely schlockier than the last track. But you can't deny its charm!

Heaven Can Wait 8/10

Oooooooooooooooooo. Yer pushin it there! This is a sappy ballad that, for me, JUST MAKES it. By a thread. Otherwise, I would be all-too-eager to start criticizing it for something. But as it stands, I can't and won't criticize it for a thing. In spite of the sticky sap, this song is rather moving.

All Revved Up and No Place to Go 7/10

Sorry. This is the first time in the album where I actually find bits of the song annoying. Most noticably, it's that backing female voice that strikes up singing "You know what it's like" or something like that. Yuk! Other than that, the song is still fun! Can't deny it that.

Two Out of Three Ain't Bad 8.5/10

ANOTHER SAPPY SLOW SONG????? HMPH! That said, as a SAPPY love song, it is relevant! I mean ... doesn't this just illustrate exactly what goes through a teenaged boys mind when he falls madly in love? It's appropriate when you think of it in that context. And that's not to mention the melody, which is pretty good. Especially the chorus that goes "I want you/I need you," etc...

Paradise By the Dashboard Light 10/10

Okay, now our hormone-driven teenager finally gets this chick he's been after in a car. He's about to make it to 'home base' (that's illustrated by an extremely uncreative radio footage from a baseball game). Nevertheless! This is the ultimate highlight of the album for me! All eight minutes and twenty-nine seconds of it! The song basically showcases the interchanges between our male hero and the female. Now, the first three minutes of it is excellent, of course, but if it were separated from the rest of the track, it would have gotten a 9. Then comes the baseball announcer that's put to a discoy beat. Then, at the four-minute-thirty-second mark comes the album's greatest and most memorable bit. Right before Hormone Boy is about to round home, the female wants to know if he's going to love her forever. Of course, he says he wants to 'think on it.' WRONG ANSWER! YER SUPPOSED TO SAY 'YES' AND DUMP 'ER IN THE MORNING! HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH! The melody is catchy. The theatrics are at their most exciting. The singing is the best. It doesn't get any better than this, my friends. As far as Meat Loaf goes, anyway.

For Crying Out Loud 8/10

Oh! How sad! He lost the bint! SO WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Okay ... trying to keep my composure ... this song starts out as a slow & sappy ballad that ain't the album's best. But the instrumentals pick up a little bit of spirit with a nice piece of bombast in the middle of the thing. Then, the track loses its bombast for a while, and concludes with a very nice coda! It's a good closing song to the rock opera.

Hello! Do you think me and my review is correct, or should we both be eaten by bats? Leave your judgement here.

bootsie146@aol.com (rob boots) received Jan. 10, 2004

Its a classic, which everyone like it or not has listened to at some time and shouuld have it in their collection.

your comments are rating's seem on the mark to me.

deaconmordred@hotmail.com (Citizen Steve) received Jan. 13, 2005

You obviously haven't the slightest idea what this album was and still is. It was a breakthrough album in the fact that nobody had ever put together an entire album of what we now call power ballads. It is not some schlocky rock opera. The songs have no actual connection to each other. Each of the songs on this albu is simply a powerful outpouring of emotion about everything from love to lust to death to teenage angst. If you're going to review an album, please have some clue about it and actually listen to all of the various aspects of it.