Bjork and Carp
Overall Album Score: 9.1 out of 10 I just thought of this, like, three minutes ago. Joni Mitchell is BORING! That's why women should never be allowed to write songs ... they're all BORING ... Sarah McLachlan ... Madonna (whenever she actually writes a song) ... um ... that one chick that I saw on TV once with the curly blonde hair ... They're all boring! You'd never think a woman ever writing non-boring songs like those ones on the Dead Kennedys debut ... and ... stuff ... (I'm not sexist by the way ... I am sexy, but that's another matter.) And ... um ... Joni Mitchell writes and sings a bunch of very pretty songs ... again ... This time, they're lushly instrumented and ... the world has never been a happier place. My favorite song in here is a pure piece of classical music (...Down to You...), but I only say that because I am a closet classical-music lover and maybe tuxedo-clad, and I actually hate rock-and-roll. (Seriously. Rock sucks.) That brings me to my next point, "Raised on Robbery" is really weird. It's like boogie-rock and the Andrews Sisters on steroids ... crap. I love that one too. And ... that one band called Metallica that doesn't exist yet, they ROCK! I am totally looking forward to the influence Metallica is going to have on Joni Mitchell in a decade ... ... And ... um ... that's all ... Overall Album Score: 9.1 out of 10 (Yayyyyyy!!! A good album!!!! By Joni Mitchell!!! ... Um ... this might be essential but this sure ain't my favorite.) Average Song Score: 9.3 (A mightily consistent album if there ever was one ... baby ...) Album Tilt: 9.0 (A very pleasant album ... though it hardly moved me!) Artist Rating: 9.0 (It's nice that Mitchell is expanding her instrumentals! ... Where's the soul? … I don't know! ... That said, there really isn't a bad song on here.) Track Reviews Court and Spark 9.5/10 What a pretty song. And it's so succinct, too! ... Bloody heck, how on Earth does Joni Mitchell get away with it? When you come up with a pretty song, you're supposed to keep it going FOREVER and bore everyone to death with it ... but not Joni Mitchell. You hardly know it's here! ... At any rate, this is a very nice, pleasant song to open the album to. Nice melody, good instruments (which are lusher than Mitchell had been doing). Good stuff, baby. Help Me 9/10 The song seems bolder here, and that's where the appeal is. The melody's good but it's not memorable. Mitchell's singing is top-notch here and ... stuff. Hooray for hippies! Free Man in Paris 9.5/10 As bold as "Help Me" and it has a melody to match! ... The chorus really soars. It's so happy and upbeat that it's difficult not to enjoy this! ... This song strikes me as being more of a good old regular 70s pop rock song instead of an organic, hippie thing. Yay. People's Parties 9/10 TWO MINUTES AND FIFTEEN SECONDS??? DUDE!!!! HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO, LIKE, FORMULATE OPINIONS??? I FORGET THAT I EVEN LISTENED TO IT BECAUSE IT'S SO SHORT! ... AAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHH!!! ... It's short but it's pretty. Quite pretty. Amen. The Same Situation 9/10 Still under three minutes. It starts quiet and pretty but it changes into something louder and pretty. Mitchell's use of more instruments was a really nice idea! The song's not timeless, but it's quite pleasant. Dudes. Car on a Hill 9.5/10 Hey! This is barely over three minutes long! THIS IS PROGRESS! ... Okay, I really don't have a beef with short songs. ... It's just that I have to write these dang track reviews QUICKLY ... and ... um ... I guess I could start the songs over again ... I'm obviously going to have to do that to this song, because it's over already. ... Hey! I like this song! ... It's PRITTY ... Okay, onto the next track. Down to You 10/10 Hello! Is this a Five-point-five minute track? ... Sakes alive, it is! ... What's with all the orchestration? ... Oh, yeah, Joni Mitchell does that in the mid-70s! ... There's even a freaking synthesizer on here ... Crap in a bucket, what kind of weird stuff was Joni Mitchell thinking? ... At any rate, this is a lovely song to sit through. You're probably going to have to enjoy classical music to enjoy this (because, you know, this really isn't rock-and-roll ... or even folky-roll). ... Very pretty indeedy. I awardeth thee a 10. Just Like this Train 9/10 JONI MITCHELL!!!! ... She keeps chugging along like a good train in this album. This is nothing I ever think I'd get addicted to, but it's fun watching it go by ... Very much like the previous songs, it's well done and ... stuff. Raised on Robbery 9.5/10 Well, this is a different song. It starts out sounding like The Andrews Sisters or something and then it turns into rock song (with some nice saxophone in the middle of it). ... Weird for Joni Mitchell, this is a bit of a boogie! ... Who is she? Joni the Hoople/The Mitchell Sisters. Trouble Child 9.5/10 Another sequel to Problem Child? Dude, that movie SUCKED! ... But this song is pretty sweet, I say. She's still going out with the instrumentation ... so, this is yet another pretty Mitchell song and it's well instrumented, too. Yay! The best part of this song seems to be in the last minute. That's why this song is four minutes long! Dude! Twisted 9/10 Hello, Nat King Joni ... can I call you that? ... This is totally unhippielike. Eh, I dislikes hippies anyways. This is a nicely done jazz thing ... Jazz is dead, by the way! Spark some comments here! |
All reviews are copyrighted by the author, Michael Lawrence. I am the greatest procrastinator since Peter the Great Procrastinator procrastinated procrastination until he was dead.
