Don't Hiss on My Summer Lawn ... The Hissing of Summer Fawns Overall Album Score: 9.0 out of 10 … This is the first Joni Mitchell album where … I … um … find myself abnormally delighted with. I mean, it’s not actually a better album than the average Joni Mitchell album released from the beginning of time until now, but it’s definitely the weirdest. It’s for that reason, I’m tempted to start proclaiming this album my favorite of all the Joni Mitchell discography, because I’m probably the only person who will! …Oh, and Prince too, apparently. Weirdly enough, Prince is quoted as saying this album is “the only album [he] ever enjoyed from beginning to end.” So, in addition to looking fantastic in black briefs, the weird appreciation of Joni Mitchell’s The Hissing of Summer Lawns is another thing I have in common with Prince. But, as I stated, this really isn’t any better than the previous Joni Mitchell albums. It’s just … different. “How?” you ask the stupid Internet critic, who doesn’t get any money for writing these reviews, which are worthless anyway. “Simple,” says the Internet critic who earns just enough money to afford soda crackers for breakfast. “It continues in the folk-to-jazz vein that Joni Mitchell had been traversing for a few albums now.” “Interesting,” you ask, while offering the stupid Internet critic 50 percent of your next paycheck, which he really is quite grateful for. “Indeed so,” he responds. “And, there’s some weird experimentation stuff in here. Plus, there’s a song that sounds eerily like a song from an old Commodore computer game from 1988 even though this album was released in 1975.” “Wow,” you say. “Tell me more, o stupid Internet critic who I promise to give lots of more money to in the near future.” “I shall,” I respond. “Just for you, I will write an overall album sum-up and track reviews for The Hissing of Summer Lawns. Just scroll down.” “Awesome!” you respond as you scroll down. ... as you scroll down … Dude, scroll down. Overall Album Score: 9.0 out of 10 (I think Joni Mitchell was just getting tired of writing that normal music that she knows everybody’s going to like and … jumping out of her skin a little bit.) Average Song Score: 9.1 (…Um… Good songs!) Album Tilt: 9.0 (A very distant album … and very distancing, too, but … actually very very very pleasant to listen to.) Artist Rating: 9.0 (This is the first time it struck me that Joni Mitchell is a very peculiar person in a not-obvious sort of way … I totally DIG THAT ABOUT HER!) Track Reviews In France They Kiss on Main Street 9.5/10 …I know where else they kiss in France… And do you know what else? Joni Mitchell says “braziers” in this song. … SHE’S DIRTYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! … And … um … she’s also far from her hippie roots. While the song’s lucid, easy melody is like her old stuff, the instrumentation is much more extravagant. Hear me, people: THERE’S AN ELECTRIC GUITAR IN HERE!!!!!! … And … um … It’s a very pretty song. The Jungle Line 8.5/10 Chances are, if you’re on this Web site, you have extensively played Nintendo/Atari/Games on the old Commodore/etc. … I’m sure it’s not just my insanity when I notice that the instruments in this song sound like they were taken off a computer game enjoyed by millions in 1988. … And, when was this song written? 1975!!!!! Joni Mitchell was certainly a visionary! … Actually, other than the ominously accurate Commodore 128 computer game noises, this song sucks. It’s just a bunch of drum noises, Joni singing an ordinary tune, and a boisterous drunken cheer every once in a while. But, seriously, this song deserves an 8.5. I can’t express that enough. Edith and the Kingpin 10/10 Joni Mitchell does the world a disservice by abandoning her video game songs and resuming her “former-hippie, now-fruity-jazz-lady” persona. And … actually, this is a much better song. Mitchell’s voice is the sweetest voice I’ve ever heard (sans that one dream I had where I heard Heather Locklear’s voice calling me to the room with fresh laundry) and the instruments are dang pretty, too. … Of course, this song sounds *ahem* unabashedly 70s soft rock and *ahem* AM radio-ish, but then again, I’m 15 percent homosexual. Don’t Interrupt the Sorrow 8.5/10 …Um… Does this sound like the same song as the last one? … *listens more closely* … Oh yeah, it is. … And it’s not as good. … Because … um … I said so. Seriously, I don’t know what my justifications are anymore of awarding these songs specific ratings! … Alright, I thought of why I don’t like this song as much: It’s not as PRETTY. BOOOYAHHHH!!! Shades of Scarlett Conquering 9/10 …Um… You know, I could always pretend I know what these songs mean by reading their titles, but ... crud. “Shades of Scarlett Conquering,” I’m just at a lost. For a start, “Scarlett” is misspelled probably because Joni Mitchell was too busy licking toads to … um … write proper hippie songs anymore. … This song is weird, actually. And it’s weird in a very subtle way, much like the song’s title. It’s pretty and appealing when you’re just listening to it, but if you pay very close attention to it … dude. This song is weird. Just take my word for it. The Hissing of Summer Lawns 8.5/10 As opposed to the previous track, I understand this song title. … Lawns that have sprinkler systems often hiss in the summer. And that’s what this song is about! SPRINKLER SYSTEMS!! … Or rattle snakes who hang out in your lawn. I don’t know. Um … This song is nice, but … um … MAN!!!!! Do you actually expect me to explain the reason I give these ratings? You’re not really reading this … not really. The Boho Dance 8.5/10 “Like a priest with a pornographic watch…” I personally like the pornographic watch where the hands of the watch are legs and … ew … I shouldn’t think of such things … And, I shouldn’t do the “Boho Dance,” either, because it’s a DIRTY DANCE. And, um, this is a pretty song. … She’s not making sense to me, but life doesn’t make sense to me, either, so this all pretty much evens out in the end. Harry’s House/Centerpiece 10/10 …Okay, I figured out what the problem with this album is. It’s EASY LISTENING! The only not-easy-thing-to-listen-to-song was that one that sounded like the computer games, and, because I’m a product of the video game generation, I have a hard time concentrating on these dang EASY LISTENING SONGS!!! … But, alas, this song that sounds like Joni Mitchell wanted to be the jazz queen of the era of her mother is one of the nicest songs of the album. I like the saxophone (or whatever the crap that horn thing is) and the jazzy piano … um … makes me want to be a socialite in the 40s and hang out with that jerk Humphrey Bogart and his weird friends. Sweet Bird 8.5/10 …Dude… you’re not supposed to put marshmallows on turkey. Besides, I thought you were a vegetarian! … Oh wait, I just looked it up on Google, and … I don’t think Joni Mitchell is a vegetarian. I would have uncovered a “Joni Mitchell is the Greatest Person Ever” page on the PETA Web site. … Yeah. I never would have thought that she was a normal human being … even though she is getting very very spaced out lately with these albums. Very very weirdly spaced out. Dude, Joni Mitchell is my hero. Shadows and Light 9.5/10 You have to freaking believe me that more than any other song in this WEIRDDDDD album, this song IS FREAKING ME OUT!!! It’s got this choral vocal thing that sounds like a spiritual that was written in one of the more eccentric parallel universes and this very odd synth is playing off key in the background. … Um … call me weirder than your mother, but … I LIKE IT!!!! And now, I will proceed with writing the rest of this review: $9)#($(#)$**&#*$*(#(*$*&#(&(*$(*%#*&!!!! Joni Mitchell wants to have your babies here! rollosb@gmail.com (Rollo) received Feb. 26, 2006 Heh, you just mentioned that you probably were the only reviewer or so-called "Internet critic" proclaiming this one to be your favourite. Well, not so hasty. I adore it, it's simply gosh-darned perfect and I wouldn't trade it away for...say, the price I paid for it - tripled. It's my favourite along with Court and Spark, actually. I love your Joni reviews, by the way. No reviewer mentions Joni nowadays...so...erhm, I'm glad you do.

All reviews are copyrighted by the author, Michael Lawrence. Rosebud? Man that movie was freaking stupid.