Go HOME! To the main Procol Harum Page! E.T. Phone Home Overall Album Score: 8.7 out of 10 Well ... Matthew Fisher (the organist) left the band, and I guess that finally gave Robin Trower (the guitarist) more room to ROCK OUT. They play an ultimate hard-rocker (it's called "Whisky Train") at the very beginning of this album and it just KICKS. It's a hard rock, proto-metal song that is bold enough to look Led Zeppelin in the eye and challenge it to a staring contest. Whatever Led Zeppelin's greatest hard rock song is ("A Whole Lotta Love"?), this song sure comes VERY CLOSE to equaling it if, indeed, it doesn't surpass it. (Ehhhh ... I needn't be scared of Led Zeppelin fans. I think I was being too wimpy when I reviewed the first two Led Zep albums, because I was afraid of venomous fans. But how many of these fans would then waltz over to the Procol Harum page? Not too many. And if they did, so what? Like a good wife, Led Zeppelin fans need to be slapped around every once in awhile.) ((Now that I'm probably going to have the I-should-have-died-in-the-70's feminists on my tail ... I'm going to shut up.)) There are actually other actual songs on the actual album, actually. None of them rock out so divinely like "Whisky Train." But most of these songs do have their merits. "The Dead Man's Dream" is a highlight, for certain, as well as the towering and the curiously titled "Piggy Pig Pig." Also, the third track is a pretty good upbeat number called "There'll Still Be More." And ... I think the band largely starts sinking at this point. As if Procol Harum were being all high-and-mighty with Procol Harum continued their MIGHTINESS on Shine On Brightly and reached their glory on A Salty Dog, Home is largely a step down. However, I don't feel like there was much of a disappointment! It's just that many of these songs are weaker, and apart from that unusual "Whisky Train," this album tends to be fairly monotonous. That said, this is a very dark album. Most of these songs revolve around death. And YIKES, for the love of everything, what was going through these guys's heads? SICKOS! WHAT IS YOUR AIM? DO YOU WANT TO DEPRESS ME OR SOMETHING? It's much more powerful and more overbearing than the previous Procol records. But such is a quality that enhances and not a hindrance! Such is a quality that might even attract a few listeners. Are you fascinated with death? Then COME ON IN! But ... I don't know ... this album makes me miss the glory days of "A Whiter Shade of Pale." I don't really want to listen to a song and feel the Grim Reaper over my shoulder. Even though I would never personally buy a compilation album (much less, a PROCOL HARUM compilation album), something like that might be more-than a worthwhile cause to somebody who's just not sure about this band. (Well, scratch that. I've been looking through the available Greatest Hits packages of this band and none of them seem to be adequate ... oddly enough.) All in all, this is still a CLASSIC Procol Harum album that fans of the first three (and later) albums should moist certainly have in their collection. Overall Album Score: 8.7 out of 10 (Procol Harum definitely falters on this album, but not by much! Procol Harum makes gold once again.) Average Song Score: 8.6 (It ain't the world's most significant set of tunes on the planet, but it is an interesting lot.) Album Tilt: 8.5 (Ummmm... Yes. I do believe I enjoy listening to this album. That's not to say that I ever listen to it all-too-frequently, but that's more out of neglect than anything.) Artist Tilt: 9.0 (Procol Harum never seems to fail in this category! The dark turn the band makes for this album makes it significantly different from most anything else in their catalogue. Very interesting.) Track Reviews Whisky Train 10/10 This is that GREAT hard rock number! Of course, the driving force in this song is none other than Robin Trower (Hey! Did I mention ....... oh nevermind.) What makes this song even more interesting are those repetitive marimba-esque keyboard noises in the background. It's as if Gary Brooker didn't want us to forget that this is an ART-ROCK band! Oh ... and you can't forget to mention Robin Trower's WONDERFUL electric guitar performance. I'm glad he was finally given a chance in the center stage to show us what he's got. Albeit, it's only in one track. And, dagnabit! It's the best track by far! The Dead Man's Dream 9/10 The album takes a much, much slower turn ... but this song is always so beautiful, so I don't care about it being slow. It's not the most wonderful tune on the planet. (It's pretty typical for Procol Harum). I just get caught up in the mood of the thing. And it turns so gawshdurned violent and passionate at the end! I like it! Still There'll Be More 9/10 This is a more upbeat song. I thought it was a happy song ... that is ... until I read the lyrics more carefully. "I'll waylay your daughter and kidnap your wife Savage her sexless and burn out her eyes" What's wrong with these people anyway? This is SICK! I enjoy this song specifically for the beat! It sounds like a song playing whilst somebody's running. And the interplay with this beat (especially the keyboard) is so neat to listen to. The lyrics are a mystery to me, though. Nothing That I Didn't Know 8.5/10 This one is much more sullen. It's slow, serious, and dynamic. Bits of this song are VERY beautiful. The initial calm tone ... the funeral-march booms of the drums ... that quiet piano in the background. This is a fine song! About to Die 7.5/10 Man! These guys must have spent their 1970 thinking they were going to die OR SOMETHING. All these songs are about death! This song is perhaps more violent than these other songs ... it's also not as special. But it's still good. This particular track can get overbearing, however. Barnyard Story 7.5/10 And our happy little story apparently moves to the barnyard, and it's about somebody who's been thinking about death all his life anyway so he had might as well do it now! This one's very slow and sad. I'm going to cry. Wooohohohohooohoooooooo! Piggy Pig Pig 9/10 Very menacing, indeed! And this song doesn't seem to be particularly about death, other than mentioning that God's aloft and the winds are cold. Does that mean you're dead? I don't know. But as this song progresses, it just gets very *AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!* But that's in a good way! It's engaging and it'll probably end up giving you nightmarish implications if you pay attention to it too much. (Oh dear...) Oh! That Robin Trower and his guitar! How can I ever repay thee? Whaling Stories 8/10 It's slightly on the boring side, but this 7+ minute track still manages to pack on the mood like nobody's business. That said, the length is a hindrance, and much of this track does manage to bore me, but it does have its fine moments. Your Own Choice 8.5/10 I can't make heads or tales of the lyrics. (And I don't often read the lyrics to albums ... this one had to be an exception, though.) The melody here is pretty nice and the song is overall light (which is a relief). I specifically like the light harmonica at the end. I think that was a nice addition. It was a good place to end the album. Bonus Tracks: (Hmmm... These ones aren't significant really, so I'm not going to count them.) The first bonus track is a bunch of probably impromptu rock jams. They're pretty good! If you're a Robin Trower fan, you'll probably REALLY appreciate this one. And then Gary Brooker starts singing something. (I'm not sure if it's a real song or he just made it up, or what.) The next bonus track is an alternate take on "Dead Man's Dream." It's about as good as the one in the album. The next track consists of some interesting dialogue and laughing between the band members. It's for the fans, I guess. The next is a pretty good instrumental take on "There'll Still Be More," but where's that beat I liked so much? Nowhere! The next bonus track is "About to Die" but the band members mess up in the middle of it and start over. Yup. The next bonus track is just another take on "Barnyard Story." Next, there's another version of "Piggy Pig Pig" with more chants of "Piggy Pig Pig" in them (YIKES!). NEXT STILL, there's a really crappy version of "Your Own Choice." Lastly (and finally) there's another take on "Whaling Stories." Man! These bonus tracks! There is so many of them! I usually don't listen to them, though. Do you agree with this review? Or should I just go home and never come back? Leave your comments here!

All reviews are copyrighted by the author, Michael Lawrence. He *likes* to be artistically-challenged.