December's Children (And Everybody's a Cheesecake)

Overall Album Score: 7.3 out of 10

OH COME ON ALREADY! I'M SICK OF THESE OLD R&B COVERS! LET'S GET ON WITH THE GOOD STUFF, GUYS!

Okay ... given ... This album was released so that some of these killer singles ("Get Off Of My Cloud," "As Tears Go By") would have a home in an album somewhere. But, if I'm going to review this as an album ... I must say that I am very disappointed!

I enjoyed Out of Our Heads. I really liked it. I thought the Stones were finally going away from the R&B. But here, the Stones revert back to these 50's R&B covers (that were probably cut simply as 'filler') and that just makes me mad! Grrrrrrr! Well, at least I'll only have to 'put up with it' for just the duration of this album. 'Cause the Stones'll be 100 percent original after this point.

Also given the year of its release, 1965, this was before the Beatles revolution! So, I guess I can't blame the Stones. EVERYBODY was STILL doing R&B covers. And besides. Some of them aren't bad.

May I ask you ... what the #($*#($*#($* is with the inclusion of *two* live cuts? Didn't they listen to me when I wrote the Out of Our Heads review and said that live versions of songs on a studio album are just TACKY?!?!?!? Am I just talking to myself? Are Mick Jagger and Keith Richards BRICK WALLS or something? Yeah. I figured. FLAT NOSE! HAHHAHHAHHAHHAHAHHH!

And why are you still on my cloud?

Overall Album Score: 7.3 out of 10 (There are three great songs in here! A few good covers ... and the rest is BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!)

Average Song Score: 8.0 (There are a good four songs on this album that rule above everything else and your mother. Nevertheless, there are some rotten songs in here, too.)

Album Tilt: 7.0 (Well, "Get Off Of My Cloud," "As Tears Go By," and "I'm Free" are pretty good. It's some of the rest of the songs that ruin it for me. I'm pretty sure this wasn't meant to be an album, anyway. Just a collection of stuff to showcase those mentioned tunes.)

Artist Tilt: 7.0 (Again, apart from those three great songs, no one can confuse this as an artistic achievement. This was a considerable step down for the Stones.)

Track Reviews

She Said Yeah 9/10

This is one of the good R&B covers. This one was performed with some gusto on Mick Jagger's part and is an overall joy to listen to. (It's also under two minutes.)

Talkin' About You 8/10

This cover ain't bad, either. It kind of has this menacing feel to it that really works. (Get a load of that kickin' bass line!)

You Better Move On 6.5/10

This cover is a little bit lesser and a little more throwaway. The 'echoey chorus' in the background seems misfired. But, overall, the song is enjoyable.

Look What You've Done 7.5/10

Well, this is a VERY typical R&B cover. But at least this one seems like it was performed well. (Even though that harmonica sounds almost like it was made-up at the last minute!) LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!!!! YOU SCHMO!

The Singer Not the Song 5/10

Yes. I agree. It's not the song. It's the singer who's a freak. This original is so utterly bad (and Beatles copying) that it sounds very much like Keith Richards kidnapped Paul McCartney, put him in a dungeon, and forced him to write this song whilst a chipmunk was gnawing at his ear. It's not only a bad song, it's SAD.

Route 66 7/10

I haven't heard this song performed by the Rolling Stones before. It's a live cut ... I guess it's not that tacky compared to that previous song. But it's still tacky. And the Stones do have energy when playing live.

Get Off of My Cloud 10/10

YES!!!!! THIS IS WHAT WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!!!!!! THE GET OFFA MAH CLOUD SONG! It's an enjoyable up-tempo number that proved (after the Rolling Stones released and became ultra-ultra-famous for "Satisfaction") that they are just going to go off and continue making great hits! Of course, it's not as good as "Satisfaction," but, like "Satisfaction," it gives me satisfaction.

I'm Free 9.5/10

My gosh! What was with all those rotten covers at the beginning of this album? They put all the good stuff at the end! This one is a calmer song that actually shows originality. This track is totally enjoyable. I'm glad we're about to LEAVE this stupid COVER ERA.

As Tears Go By 10/10

ANOTHER CLASSIC! Mick Jagger actually gave this song to his girlfriend (Marianne Faithful) so that she could launch her own music career ... but Micky decided to sing it for himself! And why not? It's an utterly gorgeous song! Hands down, this is the first beautiful song The Stones have ever done.

Gotta Get Away 7.5/10

Is this an original, too? Well at least it's better than most of those covers. It's fairly derivative early 60's song, but it's not altogether bad.

Blue Turns to Grey 7.5/10

Again, this original isn't GREAT. The singing seems a little off-color. (OOOOHHH THAT WAS A PUN! AREN'T I CLEVER???) I find it overall enjoyable.

I'm Moving On 8.5/10

The last song on the album is a cover (BOOOOOOOOOOOO!) and it's live (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)

....... however ..........

We haven't heard it before (YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!) We can't hear the insane, underwear shedding teens screaming their heads off quite as badly (YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!) and it shows unsurpassed energy (YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!) You might even say that the "I'm Moving On" thing they're declaring is an exclamation that they are going to move on to greater things. (YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!)

And I'm telling you for the last time! Get off of my $*#&$# cloud!

Hey! Is this review perfectly sane? Or am I out of my head? Leave your ideas here!