Oh Someone Please Rescue Me! I'm Stranded On a Deserted Island With a Hollywood Cutie ... Um. On Second Thought ...

Overall Album Score: 9.6 out of 10

The year was 1715. My ship was captured by a band of pirates who called themselves the pirates de Barbara Streisand. They locked me in Capt. Babs' cabin where I was forced to do his taxes. Against my will, I might add! And then ... right there inside the Cap's desk, I found none other than a vintage World War II M1A1 .45 caliber Tommy Gun! I busted myself outta there and started raising Hell. It was funny that I never before realized that whenever I raised Hell that it would get so danged hot. The ocean evaporated, and we were forced to eat the remnants of a stranded whale.

Of course, the honey on the front cover of THIS Roxy Music album isn't what I would call a stranded whale. She's what we scientists like to call a stranded babe (babiamajoria stradidae). In fact, I found her inside the whale that me and the pirates de Barbara Streisand were eating. She was barely alive. I nursed her back to health using only seaweed and half of a stingray. Two month later, we got married inside the whale's ribcage. And then we started populating the ocean floor. That was some of the greatest----

Oh yeah, I'm supposed to be reviewing an album, aren't I? Well ... this is another Roxy Music album. Everything seems to be OK-

'Ay! Where'd that Brian Eno run off to?

Indeed, why would a man of such brilliance like Brian Eno stick with a band that he doesn't have ultimate creative control over, anyway? He got out of there and started his own solo career and often teamed up with a few arteests along the way. (David Bowie, Robert Fripp, The Talking 'Eds)

So let's forget about Briano. He's nothing but a jerk anyway.

And the ultimate question lies in what on earth was going to happen to the band without this guy? Probably get all NORMAL, eh?

Fortunately, Bryan Ferry kept the band going in the same sort of direction that it had been. While we don't see any more of those weird electronic bleeps and blips ... nor anything OUTLANDISHLY weird that was ever-so-present on Roxy Music and For Your Pleasure, but we still see a fair amount of experimentation and innovation. Instead, Bryan started penning more regular songs, yet he made sure that the band remained dissonant. (And yes ... there's still a lot of LAYERS!) And ... without all this competition with Brian Eno, Bryan was able to make his music more accessible and beautiful!

Do you know what this album sounds like? Well Bryan definitely seems to want to be an old 30's nightclub singer, right? So this is like old Jazz-rock injected with drugs or something. (One of the main instruments in this album is the piano, which gives us sort of a nightclub setting.)

And ... ya know ... this might be the greatest place for a prospective Roxy Music fan to start. It's certainly not heavy or bizarre enough to make listeners wary. Yet, it's just weird enough to make this a memorable experience. What can get any better than this? (Answer: Being able to populate the ocean floor with that honey on the album cover.)

If you ever find yourself hosting a party full of rich, eccentric liberals, this would be an ideal album for you to put on. It's got a lot of class, yet it's too strange for tippy-nosed conservatives.

Overall Album Score: 9.6 out of 10 (This album is so wonderful that it's SUUUUUUUUPER! It is so aesthetically appealing, that it's hard to believe it is even more appealing artistically.)

Average Song Score: 9.4 (A very strong collection of songs! While there are two track that I wasn't too enthusiastic about, the rest feature some very fine, eccentric moments!)

Album Tilt: 9.5 (This is a great album to listen to! When the album might have been lagging, they pick it up wonderfully with splashes of inspired instrumentals. In most places, however, this album kicks like nothing else.)

Artist Rating: 10 (Sure they got rid of Brian Eno ... and sure this isn't as outlandishly experimental as Roxy's previous albums. Nevertheless, they keep their artistic pretence, Ferry keeps his wannabe 30's nightclub singer dreams, they inject a little decadence, and make one helluva thrill ride.)

Track Reviews

Street Life 10/10

This one is very similar to "Editions of You," a song which appeared on Roxy's previous album For Your Pleasure. Except, "Street Life" is classier and decadent! It's a fast, louder rocker that's very fun to listen to. It's an almost rip-roaring intro that proves to be a great number to get us ready to listen to the rest of the album. The chords don't match up well with each other (which is a GOOD thing) and there are just many different odd little instruments popping up all over the place to keep this song intensely interesting. I enjoy it completely.

Just Like You 9/10

This one's slower, not quite as exciting, yet it still makes a great listen. (It's closer to recreating the whole 30's nightclub scene ... except that it's not a normal nightclub song! It's the Roxy Music version!) It's not nearly as weird, either. However, rack one up for Bryan Ferry who really gives a strong vocal performance with this one! (Man! I've said it once, and I'll say it 291829 more times. That guy's got a GREAT voice!) This song is also quite beautiful.

Amazona 9.5/10

This song KICKS! Moments of this song include a great rhythm, and it just makes me want to do a funny dance to it. And then it goes into a strange, almost sweeping passage. This part proves how much Roxy Music has improved since they came out with their debut ... some of those instrumental passages were just boring. This is really quite awesome!

Psalm 8/10

The beginning of this song, I am picturing a drugged-out funeral scene! (Man! We ought to make a music video out of this one!) It's pretty quiet with an organ playing chords in the background. And then it starts picking up major momentum. I get some sort of heavenly, yet ominous picture at the end. Other than the sheer oddity of some of this instrumentation, the song doesn't live up to some of the album's better numbers. (Yet, it's still pretty darn good.) There's great performances all around, though.

Serenade 9.5/10

You know ... it's a difficult thing for me to admit, but this is the type of song that David Bowie would find himself doing. The tune is marginally interesting, yet the instrumentation rules above all and conquers. Even though the arranging is David's forte, he PALES compared to Roxy Music! This one's much louder and more fun than the last song and ... I can't stress it enough ... THE ARRANGING IS BREATHTAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Song For Europe 10/10

YES! YES! YES! YES! This is a PERFECT song! Not only does what Bryan Ferry sings sound more interesting, it's incredibly dynamic and eloquent! Wow! Great, great instrumentation! ... OOOOOoooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOO ... I salute thee, o Roxy Music. (And he speaks French, too! I took French in college and the only thing I understand is when he says "jamais" which means "I've got jam and marshmallows jammed somewhere in my brain.") Greatness abounds!

Mother of Pearl 10plus/10

Speakin' of David Bowie, if you take a look at the last track of his Diamond Dogs album, you'll probably notice quite a bit of similarity! Eh! I never cared, anyway! I say let David take anything he wants to. Okay, so the first minute-and-a-half of this six minute song is spent on a very fun, upbeat number that'll probably make you want to dance a lot. Then, this part of the song stops and progresses to what's easily the album's greatest and most memorable melody! (YEAH!) The song doesn't go too crazy, nor is it NORMAL by any means. And, instead of doing boring CROONING, Bryan Ferry really makes this one kick major ASS. Easily, this is my favorite track of the album. As long as I live, I'll probably never be able to get enough of this song!

Sunset 8/10

I probably would have been happier if they had switched this track with "Mother of Pearl." But, since they didn't, I guess there's no real point in complaining about it! While this song is still perfectly entertaining, it's a bit slow and just borders on being boring. It as appeal, but I'm a bit disappointed at the track's lack of breathtaking arranging that I've now spoiled myself into expecting. (There's still a lot of interesting oddities splashed throughout this track, however.)

Well, what do you think about being stranded with Hollywood cuties? Leave your comments here!