Cruising With Ruben and the Doodies

Overall Album Score: 7.6 out of 10

Well, Zappa was probably being criticized by some for just being too weird and unaccessible, so he released an album full of relatively straightforward do-wop songs and asks the question: "Is this what you wanted?"

Maybe that's not really what Zappa had in mind when he did this, but that's what it seems like to me. At any rate, this is such a normal album that, since it's coming from Zappa, it's painful! Even if it wasn't coming from Zappa, it'd be painful. I'm really not sure what to make of this, to be honest. At least he has that going for him. I never really know what to make of Zappa albums!

I enjoy a good handful of songs in here, though. "Jelly Roll Gum Drop" is my favorite, because it reminds me of The Move, and it's not really a do-wop song at all! It sounds quite psychedelic and stuff. And there's also "How Could I Be Such a Fool," which is a very enjoyable song.

Other songs such as "No. No. No" and "I'm Not Satisfied" lose me entirely because they put me to sleep! Man! If there's one thing Zappa never did until this point is put me to sleep. Albeit, he does this uninspired, unexperimental stuff on purpose, but ... dude, these songs put me to sleep! That's what Enya's for, dude. She wasn't really around back in 1968, but Zappa ought to have at least seen her coming.

Zappa was also a big fan of do-wop growing up, so I can see why he did this album. Even though (I'm guessing) he wanted to point out how boing some pop artists were, he wanted to also make a tribute to his old favorite music. So, he does this half goofy, half serious. The problem is that it's not very compelling.

Overall Album Score: 7.6 out of 10 (This isn't an altogether bad listen, really. It's just ... not really a good listen.)

Average Song Score: 7.8 (There are a handful of songs I like. Unfortunately, since Zappa just wanted to toss this one off to prove a point or something, this album isn't too exciting.)

Album Tilt: 7.5 (This is really kind of hit and miss. There's nothing too exciting in here, though, but I like some of the more '60s psychedelic sounding tracks.)

Artist Rating: 7.5 (I don't know what my policy should be toward artists whose artistic point is releasing an album full of non-artistic songs.)

Track Reviews

Cheap Thrills 8/10

Oh man, this Frank Zappa guy is INSANEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeee.ee.e.e.e.e.e.e..e...e......e............... Um. This song is pretty much normal, actually. Normal melody, normal instrumentation, normal harmonies. Okay, the singing's still weird (the lead singing sounds all birdnecky and there's an overly goofy bass singer). But ... this song is normal. And the whole album's like this. Frank Zappa must've been going nuts. Seriously. He's one of those guys who if he starts acting normal, I start to worry. Well, this is a fairly rapid paced do-wop song. It's fairly catchy, but nothing that I'm going to remember tonight when I go to bed while I'm thinking about girls. I mean ... I like it, but ... heck, if Zappa's going to start writing pop music, then I'm going to treat this as such. It's good but it's not very inspired! It's repetitive, it doesn't change tenses, tones or volumes throughout it ... Yeah, Frank was probably doing this sounding bored on purpose to make a point ... what point he was trying to make? I don't know, hit me with a theory.

Love of My Life 9/10

The goofy bass singer makes me laugh here. I won't lie. I also think Frank Zappa made a big error with this song and actually managed to put a little bit of feeling in this one. Yeah, the singing's very silly, but the song manages to float pretty well in my opinion. It's a very slow, '50s ballad with all the genericness attached to it. Silly but this one comes across.

How Could I Be Such a Fool 10/10

Zappa has a pretty good melody with this one, and this is intrinsically more interesting to me. The instrumentation is more unconventional here, which is certainly a plus. And this isn't just tossed-off (sounding) generic do-wop. It has a psychedelic/experimental verses and an even more trippy chorus. Yeah ... this one works. It's Zappa being quite interesting, and this is accessible too.

Deseri 7/10

Yay! Back to the do-wop! ... Um ... back to the do wop. This is one of the bored ones. Zappa continues to prove that he coulda been a big star in the '50s if he wanted to. (Actually, Zappa didn't write this one according to the All Music Guide.) It's boring. That's a rare criticism of Zappa, at least at this stage of his career. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

I'm Not Satisfied 6.5/10

Man, no wonder so many people don't like this Zappa album! This is even more boring than the last one! This is a four-minute, mediumly paced do wop song. The melody isn't catchy at all. The vocals are goofy, but that's the only Zappa element in this one. ... I know Zappa wanted to pay tribute to his favorite style of music, but what's the dealio?

Jelly Roll Gum Drop 10/10

Mmmmm... Jelly Roll Gum Drops... Hey, this song is more like it! It sounds like The Move! You know ... The Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove. I like the Move. They kind of liked do-wop, too, so it makes sense. So, I like this song. It's a very catchy psychedelic-era song with only a hint of do-wop this time. Yay.

Anything 7/10

Are you going to play around with whistles or play random notes on the keyboard or make a fart noise anytime soon? Because ... seriously, I'm beginning to worry. This is the most straightforward song on the album so far! Even the singing is normal (except for the quiet background singers, which even sound relatively straight). It's a very slow-paced ballad with extremely simple chord changes and an incredibly uninspired instrumental passage. Zappa's a strange man. I know he's making a point of some sort. I don't know why I have to sit through it, though. :-(

Later That Night 8/10

The silly bass singing is back! At least this normal-ish do-wop album has the silly bass singer going for it. I kind of like the melody to this song, although this doesn't really interest me that much. ....... Seriously, I'm feeling very awkward right now. I'm writing track reviews of a Frank Zappa album, and I don't have to think very hard about it. I mean, it's much more entertaining than a Kiss album, but ... this is how I review Kiss albums, too! (HELP!)

You Didn't Try to Call Me 8/10

... Dude, I don't have yer frikin' phone number... This song is a little bit interesting, but it's interesting in a totally non-entertaining way. The instrumentation is either sloppy purposefully or non-purposefully. Zappa's pretty self-aware, so he did it on purpose! Anyway, there's some nice guitar work buried in parts of this song. We must have more nice guitar work, except not buried in songs. Anyway, I don't think this is a bad song. It's very forgettable, but whatever.

Fountain of Love 7/10

Another slow '50s ballad with extremely goofy vocals. Basically, this is the same thing as "Love of My Life" except I don't like it as much. Musically, it's generic, but ... yeah ... on purpose, blah, blah, blah.

"No. No. No." 6/10

PIANOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... This is another do-wop song with silly vocals. I'm very boreddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd ... Maybe Frank Zappa did this so that we would finally get around to appreciating Lumpy Gravy. This song's so repetitive that I'm going nuttttttssssssssssss.

Anyway the Wind Blows 7/10

Another very slow paced song ...... As you can tell, I don't really feel like writing these track reviews anymore. I think I get Frank Zappa's point. I'm going to put Lumpy Gravy above the fireplace and worship it. ... Oh wait, I don't have a fireplace. Um ... I'll just build a campfire in my living room, then.

Stuff Up the Cracks 8.5/10

Well, at least the closer is more over-the-top than much of the other stuff! ... (And, this is apparently a message to the fans that he 'tried to make you happy' with this do-wop stuff, and it's very sarcastic.) I like the silly melody, and the horn is pretty good, too, I must say. The electric guitar stuff at the end is pretty sweet. So. It's not the best track on the album, but ... this is alright.

Ruben says he likes to eat himself with rye bread and sauerkraut. What about you? Send your thoughts here.