Frank Zappa wants some more meat on his main page... PETA's not too pleased, though...

Uncle Pete

Overall Album Score: 8.2 out of 10

MEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, Frank Zappa continues to go down the everlong path of weird with this 1968 release. This album is so dang crazy and experimental that I can't help but respect it. I don't really enjoy it all that much, and I'll never listen to this again on my own free will again after writing this review! (Hey, I only gave this an 8.2. That's like a B-. I'm allowed to never listen to B- albums again.)

Everything on here is either jazzy, Stravinsky-like, bits and pieces of dialogue or generally unclassifiable. I rather enjoyed the song "Dog Breath in the Year of the Plague," which is totally avantgarde but in a way that's accessible to me. "King Kong II," part of the bizarre jazz suite that occurs at the very end of the album is very normal, but I tagged it as being among my favorites of the album.

Of course, this being Frank Zappa, I have no idea what to truly make of this album. You'd probably think he does this on purpose so that you'd have to think about the matter for yourself, but ... I haven't personally come up with much. I do know that I find this nowhere near as enjoyable as many other Zappa releases to this date such as ... um ... everything except Cruising With Ruben and the Jets," which was basicaly a joke album anyway.

Um ... Did Zappa say he never did drugs? I think he did. Or maybe he just has it naturally flowing in his blood stream.

There's 31 tracks on this baby and it's two freaking hours long. Included in this is 47 minutes of extremely bizarre dialogue non-stop. If you can take it better than I can, then my hat's off to you.

Overall Album Score: 8.2 out of 10 (Not one of Zappa's most recommendable works, but it's a good one for the collection ... if you like weird experimental stuff ... eventually.)

Average Song Score: 8.2 (There's a lot of stuff on here. ... Whew! ... Can't say this isn't interesting.)

Album Tilt: 8.0 (The album's interesting, naturally, but it's all too overwhelming.)

Artist Rating: 8.5 (This is all Zappa's in the biz for. And maybe some girls, too. I don't know.)

Track Reviews

Uncle Meat (Main Title Theme) 8/10

A song with a xylophone on it playing a bunch of randomish notes and a harpsichord thing and Е um Е other things. I donТt even know whatТs going on at the end of this. Sounds like someoneТs letting air out of the tires. Man, Zappa is driving me nuts alreadyЕ

The Voice of Cheese

ЕSuzy Creamcheese is back Е and so are those oinking noises from WeТre Only in it For the Money Е just 30 seconds long Е no need to score this Е

Nine Types of Industrial Pollution 8.5/10

Six minutes this time Е and all these noises are random! RANDOM! RANDOM! RANDOM! Е ThereТs some guitar noodling (which is kinda awesome, I guess) and a bunch of banging noises in the background. Altogether not unlistenable Е though, you do get the distinct impression that Zappa just wanted to be weird instead of making music that, I donТt know, has a POINT! Е But the noodling is good. And the song doesnТt drive me nuts ... well, I was sort of nuts to begin with. The layperson undoubtedly will be driven nuts by this. But the guitar noodling. ThatТs all I need, man, thatТs all I need.

Zolar Czakl 8.5/10

Completely weird Е almost classical avant-garde music this time Е only 54 seconds long Е pretty good Е

Dog Breath in the Year of the Plague 9.5/10

Oh, finally a SONGGGGG Е itТs still totally weird Е but awesomely weird. A doo-wop song with some nice horns, a real melody and Е completely WEIRD vocals Е along with a few normal ones, too. The lyrics Е um Е man! RANDOM!!! This song, I feel, is an excellent compromise between listenable and completely weird. One of the gems.

The Legend of the Golden Arches 7.5/10

WhewwwwwwwЕ the horns get to me this time Е but itТs all for the art. We know itТs all for the art. Е And we must love it because itТs all for the art Е Oh, dear Е The song goes from annoying horns to random harpsichord notes Е eh. And then talking at the very end. Hm.

Louie Louie (Live) 8.5/10

A weird recording of a live song thatТs УLouie, LouieФ Е for about three seconds Е yeah Е ItТs very muffled and thereТs a lot of applause and we can somewhat make out what Frank Zappa is saying. And thereТs a really weird trumpet thing at the end. Um. ЕЕЕ I can dig it.

Dog Breath Variations 8/10

Whoah Е a synthesizer! Е That sound is kind of cool, I guess. Е This is another jazzy, random-sounding song thatТs Е uhhhhh Е alright. YouТve got to really enjoy really weird stuff to enjoy Frank Zappa Е this album, especially!

Sleeping in a Jar 9/10

Why is this song only 50 seconds long? It sounds like The Move!!! Е And the melodyТs really good, too. Oh, Frank, youТre such a tease Е

Our Bizarre Relationship 8/10

What would a Frank Zappa album be without tracks with talking in it? Е That woman really has a potty mouth Е Um Е itТs just talking Е maybe stoned Е

The Uncle Meat Variations 8.5/10

Interesting Е more structured this time Е but itТs still weird and has a fair potential of driving-one-off-the-wall. It doesnТt quite do that with me, fortunately. But itТs close! I TELLS YA, THIS SONG WAS RIGHT UNDER THE WIRE!!!! Pounding harpsichords go throughout this and other instruments (such as a xylphone, a horn-type thing, some crazy singing, and Е another harpsichord chime in and noodle around). Some of itТs good Е some of itТs awesome Е and some of it is almost has some teeth-gritting potential (most notably when the pounding harpsichord plays some unusual notes). The last minute of this, a pounding organ replaces the harpsichord Е not the greatest of endings, but Е whatever. ItТs Frank Zappa Е he can do whatever the heck he feels like Е I wonТt complain Е (ItТs all for the art, man, itТs all for the art.)

Electric Aunt Jemima 8/10

ЕThe singing sounds like a bunch of Pixies! Е This is another weird doo-wop song Е

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Е weird scratching noises, too.

Prelude to King Kong 8.5/10

OKAY Е PLAY ALL THE RANDOM NOTES YOU WANT Е *grits teeth* Е IТM NOT GOING TO COMPLAIN!!! Е *covers both ears* Е PLAY ALL THE WEIRD HORNS YOU WANT!!! Е *wonders how heТs still typing this, considering his hands are on his ears* Е Um Е this song starts out kinda iffy, but as the meter slowly quickens, it gets to be kinda awesome. The random horns arenТt as annoying as it could have been, really. ItТs total chaos! Dudes!!! This is where Maxwell Smart comes in!

God Bless America (Live) 8/10

ЕIrving Berlin approves of this live version of this song Е well, heТs dead, but Е close enoughЕ ItТs about 10-seconds worth of a goofy version of УGod Bless AmericaФ and after that, a bunch of weird, quiet tapping noises.

A Pound for the Brown on the Bus 9/10

Another weird randomish jazz-thing. Е Interesting noodling Е I like the whistle instruments Е they flutter Е mmm.

Ian Underwood Whips it Out (Live) 9/10

ЕA nerdy type person talks about his meeting with Frank Zappa Е live Е And he whips out his saxophone Е live Е and Е heТs weird, too. This is probably one of the more vaguely-normal jazz songs. The drums are quite jazz-normal Е and itТs not too unusual to hear such crazy music in jazz. Е I guess Frank Zappa couldnТt think of too many bizarre things to do on stage. ThereТs that organ in the background playing funny chords, but that thing is quiet! And thereТs that strange 30-second ending, but IТm willing to not pay much attention to that Е Hey this song ainТt half bad! I donТt hate jazz as much as I say I do!

Mr. Green Genes 8/10

This is a slow, lethargic song that exhibits all the Frank Zappa nuttiness that we've all come to love about the guy. The melody isn't very compelling and ... um ... nor is the atmosphere for that matter. The instrumentation has some xylophone in it, though, and a tuba or something. I really don't know what's going on with these songs, but ... I never do.

We Can Shoot You 8/10

It's the return of Igor Frank Stravinszappa here with this song full of weird noises. All you avantgarde people drive me nuts, do you know that? Well ... this is all the Stravinsky-esque stuff I need for a lifetime, baby ... or maybe I need more of it. I don't know.

"If We'd All Been Living in California" 8/10

This is dialogue! DUDES! DIALOGUE!!!!! ... The dialogue is pretty funny, though. If they'd only been living in California, they might not all be broke. It'd also help if you made albums that didn't have weird recordings of conversations in them.

The Air 8.5/10

A doo-wop song! Wait, didn't that whole Ruben Sandwich album have a bunch of doo-wop songs in it? Oh yeah, I already forgot that thing existed. This one is overly goofy and extremely lethargic, but kind of delightful. The vocal performances are over-the-top and chuckle-inducing at least ... Man, this guy has a lot of doo wop in him.

Project X 9/10

This one starts out with some pretty pleasant guitar ... but then crazy Stravinsky-like woodwind instruments start playing. And then xylophones and horns start messing around. The guitar was a nice addition to this one, though, because it keeps a pretty nice basis for all the craziness that is going on around it. The guitar's gone at the end, but whatever. This is just another weird Zappa avantgarde thing. I like this one better than some of the others. I can't really tell you why. Oh ... what do I know about these freaking songs, anyway.

Cruising for Burgers 9/10

Hey, this song's kind of neat! It's a sort of avant guarde song, except it also involves singing. A bunch of weird notes and ideas all clash in this weird song ... and ... um ... Frank Zappa is weird and crazy. The end. This is the end of the first disc, too.

Uncle Meat Film Excerpt Part 1 20/30

I listened to this 37-minute thing once. It's a bunch of spliced together dialogue that's allegedly supposed to be in a movie of some sort. ... Don't really know what weird sort of movie this is suposed to be! Anyway, it's kind of interesting the first time through. I can find no real conceivable reason to listen to this more than once. So. There. ... I have tried measuring something with a piece of chicken, though. It doesn't really work too well.

Tengo Na Minchia Tanta 7.5/10

I was really freaked out when I heard this song at first, because it sounds like an 80s song (equipped with heavy-but-cheesy guitars and dreafully cheesy synthesizers) and this album was allegedly made in the 60s ... but, as I suspected, this song is from the 80s and Zappa wanted to include this song in Uncle Meat. It features very lethargic vocals from somebody speaking Italian. I don't really know what the point to this one is even though it's kind of interesting.

Uncle Meat Film Excerpt Part 2 7/10

More weird dialogue! ... oh joy.

King Kong Itself 8.5/10

Okay, now we finally get to this "King Kong" series. But, when you think about it, there haven't been that many King Kong sequels, so ... really ... Anyway, this part is only 49 seconds long and it's weird avantgarde. Uh huh. At least it doesn't have time to get ... too crazy.

King Kong II 9.5/10

The sequel! ... Um ... Some jazzy bass guitar starts playing, and I like that. The drum section is also pretty jazzy and nice. ... WHOAH, FRANK'S DOING JAZZ, AND THIS SOUNDS PRETTY NORMAL!!! I like it. The guitar picking is nice. May I have another?

King Kong III 8.5/10

Nah. The whole Stravinsky effect takes hold here, although the jazzy beat remains the same. A crazy saxophone starts playing and makes everything in the song go totally nuts. This might be weird, but it's not unlistenable or anything!

King Kong IV 7/10

The fourth in thes series comes to theaters in which it is paired off against Godzilla ... oh yeah. Great movie. And the Frank Zappa song is even crazier Stravinsky type stuff than the previous. Everything's just going nuts. That buzzy horn is really getting on my nerves, though. Like those old Godzilla movies. Those got on my nerves, too. Frankly, this song would have sounded better had a less annoying instrument been chosen.

King Kong V 8.5/10

Things start winding down here! I like those crazy windy stringed things. This song only lasts about 30 seconds, but those stringed things rule!

King Kong VI 9/10

This is a crazy seven-minute avantgarde feast. I like it, but it's overall too bloody long for me! All these random-type Stravinsky-like notes play amidst a pounding drum beat. It's pretty entertaining, which is strange for such a song. Hardly perfect, though, and I won't be listening to this one much.

Where's the beef? Send your thoughts here.

fhrunobulax@hotmail.com (Andreas) received March 24, 2006

The two dialog tracks and the Italian song were not on the original album. The Italian song was recorded in the '80's. They were added for the CD version, and I think they are worthless and only detract from the album. It's too bad he didn't just release the original material on one CD.

A lot of reviews I read take points off for the extra tracks, and that's unfortunate. Judge the album by the original content. I think it's up there among his best work, and may be my favorite.

Don Ignacio responds: I think that you are right about that, and I did the calculations to change it ... However, the score would have only increased by a tenth of a point if those three tracks were omitted. I don't really deem that a significant increase. (And, anyway, we should blame Zappa a little bit since, I understand, he was the guy responsible for putting those tracks on his own CD reissue!)

Uncle Pete

All reviews are copyrighted by the author, Michael Lawrence. HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO YOUNG LOVVVVVVVERRRRRRRRSSSSSSS.