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ABBA (Stands for: Absolutely Butt Bouncingly Antiphotogenic) Gold: Video Reviews

Overall Video Score: Eh, So-So

Yeah ... Uhhhh ... I just freaking watched a bunch of ABBA music videos ... and for WHAT???? ... Ummmm ... for nothing ... Yah ...

When total snobs come up to you and say that music videos are worth very little, they were probably talking about ABBA. The band members are strikingly non-photogenic! ... Either that, or they weren't concerned enough about their appearance to have their teeth capped! Because ... dudes! The TEETH!!!!

Fortunately, Agnetha wasn't too hard on the eyes ... she had that girl-next-door look that made her freaking HOT ... when I wasn't looking at her teeth. Anni-Frid was downright scary in that Super Trouper video, but ... she was hot at least half the time ... Bjorn looks like he should be typecast as a lovable alcoholic in a feature film. And Benny just seems distant ... though, he wasn't too difficult to look at.

This isn't exactly how I thought this band would look in music videos! Their stuff is POLISHED and SLICK and FUN ... but the band's not always fun to watch.

It started off with their definitive hit: "Dancing Queen." It just featured the band playing on a stage in nightclub of disco dancers ... not too phenomenal. "Take a Chance on Me" was one of the better videos on here (and maybe my favorite) just because what happens at the end of it. The video features the flirty girls dancing around the guys sitting in chairs and looking bored. Then, all of the sudden, for about two seconds, you see Benny get off his chair and chase after Anni-Frid. ... That made me laugh out loud ...

...Let's see, what else was there...

The "Super Trouper" video was probably the most gimmicky and annoying one there, featuring a bunch of circus people doing weird things. And, as I mentioned earlier, Anni-Frid was SCARY!!!! She's one of those women-types who look better without make-up on ... SERIOUSLY! And that 'fro she had ... No, thanks.

"Chiquichita" was a really good video, because it just featured the band sitting in front of a giant snowman (?!) just singing together. It was a happy time ...

...And you've got to adore that "Waterloo" video just to see those freaking outrageous costumes they would sometimes don. ... That Bjorn looked positively freakish in those tight pants and those really huge platform shoes! Dudes!!! INSANE!!!

"Lay All Your Love On Me" was just a disgrace, though! ... It consisted of clips from other music videos, and whoever melded these clips together was a freaking amateur. Blech. The music video for "I Have a Dream" was pretty crappy as well. Supposedly, this disc is the only place you can buy this video ... It's not worth it. Believe me. I'm not too crazy about the song, anyway ... but they had to go and bring out 25 snotty-nosed kids (most of whom weren't even *cute*) on stage to sing it with them in one gargantuan moment of unrelenting CHEESE. ... Really, it was so horrible that I practically vomited on the carpeting ... and thought if I had, it would have given me something less crappy to watch. Now, that video alone gives me good enough reason to start hating this band, but ... I won't do that. ... No way ... They were never much for live shows and touring, after all.

Indeed, these ABBA videos are a mixed bag. ... You'd have to really be into ABBA to enjoy them. Speaking of myself, I am *into* ABBA, but obviously not enough!

Rip up my thoughts about these music videos here.

All reviews are copyrighted by the author, Sir Michael Lawrence. Too cool to be bothered with other people.