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When You're Finished On the Waterloo, Don't Forget to Flush!


Overall Album Score: 4.8 out of 10

This is the second output by your favorite band and mine (The Sex Beatles), but I unfortunately haven't listened to it.

Sorry.

But I have listened to the second album of yours and my second favorite band and mine (ABBA)! And it's ... eh ... "okey."

Now, if you've listened to that absolute CRAPOLA first album, then it's easy to think that this album is relatively better than Abbey Road... Ah! We all know that ABBA can't come up with anything better than Abbey Road for crap's sake ... but after the mental damage the ABBA debut album (Ring, Ring) caused to my brain and most of my organs, I'm probably delusional.

ABBA is a good band (don't listen to those intellectual snob-faces who tell you that the members of ABBA should be beheaded like the king of France because they suck so much) and this album really shows that the band is finally beginning to develop its relentlessly flawless skill in melodies. Mind you that this is still basically sunshine pop ... the songs don't really convey any serious emotion like some of them would show in later albums. Rather, this is largely undemanding - sometimes annoying - set of pop numbers that will have you bopping your head around like the freak of nature you truly are.

Of course, comparing this album to all their others in the ABBA catalogue (starting with their next album, the self-titled ABBA) you'll note that this album simply doesn't measure up. So, if you're going to go collecting ABBA albums, get this one last. (Yeah, I know it has the ultra-famous "Waterloo" song on it ... but believe me ... it ain't worth it.)

I consider this album ABBA's transitional phase from a very bland and generic pop band to evolve into one of the greater bands of the 70's. As you can see, there is still a lot of genuine stomach-churning cheesiness and more poor melodies than you can shake a feces-coated stick at here. However, unlike in Ring Ring, there is not one track that I find too revolting (though I do find the last three tracks to be particularly bad) as opposed to simply despising every single track. And there are at least two ABBA classics on here (that sooper title track and then a minor classic: "Honey Honey").

So, in concussion, the Swedish Meatball Quartet aren't ready for prime time, but they're gettin' there! ... Slowly ...


Overall Album Score: 4.8 (This album is far from perfect. It's VERY corny, but there's enough moments it to make it somewhet worthwhile. For fans only.)


Average Song Score: 5.5 (It's a very low score for an ABBA album. All of this is either banal or idiotic, and it doesn't boast too many of those classic, hook-filled ABBA bonanzas ... and there's NOTHING that makes me feel any kind of emotion. That said, I'm attached to two songs on here - which are normally considered ABBA classics - and there are two others that rank "okay." All the rest seem passable except for the final three tracks that are principally responsible for dragging this score down.)

Album Tilt: 4.5 (Hmmmmm... No. I usually don't enjoy listening to this ... and it rarely ever finds itself spinning around like an out-of-control meatball in my CD player.)

Artist Tilt: 4.5 (While a VAST improvement over their previous album, but the artistic value of this album is still VERY low.)


Track Reviews

Waterloo 9/10

This is an ultra-popular pop/rocker paying tribute to toilet water (Water + loo ... get it? ...... Oh, never mind!). This is a goofy song about the day Napoleon lost the battle and peed his little-man trousers at Waterloo. Yes ... this is a DUMB song, but at least it's a solid rocker. And fun, too. It's easy to see why many ABBA fans consider this one ABBA-solutely essential.

Sitting in the Palmtree 5/10

I must have some weird bias against any songs that sound Caribbean ... save CHEESY and GENERIC Caribbean songs ... because I skip this song ALL THE TIME! However, there are some hooks and some diversity within this song, and I can understand why some people like it. Urg! Get a load of these unbelievably BAD lyrics!!
See me sitting in the palmtree
Waiting for those little words from you
People laugh and point their fingers
Like I was a monkey at the zoo
But I will stay here, among my coconuts
So you will know dear, you're everything I've got
Now won't you tell me, Jeanie Jeanie on my mind

King Kong Song 6/10

There's sort of a guilty pleasure lurking about with this very goofy tribute to everyone's favorite big hairy ape (Linda Tripp). The melody is catchy (probably too catchy because, after you hear it, you realize that you REALLY don't want this song stuck in your head) ... the instruments and sound effects are, well, interesting ... and the lyrics are so bad that they're funny. (I won't provide any excerpts, but the song's basically about someone deciding to write a song about King Kong.) Ohhhh! The guys sing this one! There's another point against it.

Hasta Manana (Austrian for "Hasta Manana, Baby") 5/10

This is an undemanding piece of pop. It's a pleasant enough folkish pop number with the gals singing a simple tune with a guitar and a faint synth The hooks are there ... but ... well ... it's CHEESY!!!!!! And the song REALLY gets on my nerves two-thirds the way through. Mighty Mouse would probably like it, though.

My Mama Said 5/10

Geez! This one is really reminiscent of the miracles these guys will pull off later in their career! There are multiple different melodies (I count at least five) that are flawlessly tied together to make one very congruent and interesting song. It's just that these actual melodies aren't that good. (They're GROOVY, though!!) I'd call this bit a good historical piece for the ABBA-phile (or Abbologist?) ... but us normal people probably can't tell this song apart from ... say ... a compost pile.

Dance While the Music Still Goes On 7/10

The distant third best track (or as the ABBA guys would pronounce it: the distant turd best track) has got the hooks, but there's not enough here to keep it interesting. In fact, I'm rather annoyed with it by the time it's over, but it nevertheless has one of the better melodies around.

Honey Honey 8.5/10

The second best track (or as the ABBA guys would pronounce it: kiss my big Swedish butt) is one of those ABBA classics that is catchy, pleasant, and ... well whatdayaknow! ... NOT ANNOYING!!!! This is where ABBA points their fingers Westward Ho and exclaims "HEY! WE'RE GOING TO GET BETTER IN FUTURE ALBUMS, BABY!" And they moist certainly do! It's quite deservedly considered an ABBA classic, 'cause you don't have to be weird to enjoy it. (Well, that's what I think anyway! I'm not weird or anything!!)

Watch Out 7/10

Er??! HARD ROCK?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?! Didn't see that one coming! In an album that has been PURE POP up until now (though 'King Kong' came close to hard rock), we get some sort of weird Rolling Stones-esque rock'n'roll number. And it's not bad really. Actually, it's probably closer to an Aerosmith number because there's no "soul" in it, you see. ABBA obviously didn't rip their shoes apart over this one.

What About Livingstone 2/10
$(#)*#%(*)(@&$#(*($*%#&$^%*&#(&@#@#(^*&$%(&$#^%(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(%(($*#&@*#&!)@*$&$#*%&@)#*$)@*#$(@*#)(%*@#)$@*#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*$(*^#)@#))(#)(%@)(#)(%#@)()(%#@)(@#*#$(#@&%#@$@**@!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(That's alien tongue for: "This is poop.")

This tune sounds like it was leftover from their previous album-one of the biggest abominations in the history pop-it's THAT bad. Very sunny, very generic, very cheesy, and very bad melody. And, as George Bush, Sr. would say: "That's baaaaaaaaaaaaad!"

Gonna Sing You My Love Song 3.5/10

Yeah... whatever. Just keep it quiet. Thanks, babe.

Ooooooo! This album took a serious dive into bad taste! While this one isn't completely terrible, it's still pretty bad. It's a love song (obviously) that has the sap just dripping off it! ... which works only when it has a good melody to work with. And, well, the melody had definite potential, but it was handled very clumsily.

Suzy-Hang-Around 2/10

This final track is very bland, and not fun to listen to at all. ... and is the exact opposite of what an ABBA song should be. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN!!

Bonus tracks:

I'm not letting these bonus tracks get in the way with the album assessment, but the reissue contains the Swedish versions of "Ring, Ring," "Waterloo," "Honey Honey," and "Taken Yer Bratverst Outta Ma Garflinfargen." I still don't like that "Ring, Ring" song no matter what language it's spoken in ... but Agnetha and Anna-Frid singing in their native tongues just make my HEART MELT!!!


Do you agree with this review? Or, does this reviewer have too much bratwurst up his garflinfargen? Leave your comments here.


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