Arabesque Reviews
Arabesque
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Arabesque
Hello, Mr. Monkey 4/10
Listen up. No matter what you do, DO NOT LISTEN TO "HELLO, MR. MONKEY." You will seriously regret it. This is one of those extremely dumb songs that has such a catchy melody that you will not be able to get it out of your head for months. It'll latch onto you like a leech. Believe me on this one. I lived the horror, so I know. Don't even go to YouTube and try to find that music video of it. Please. Don't. It's toxic. That said, this song was apparently a big hit in Japan. But that doesn't really surprise me ... everyone over there was pretty much insane anyway.
Fly High, Little Butterfly 7/10
You know ... not only does this one not haunt you like "Hello, Mr. Monkey" after listening to it ONCE, it has a pretty nice melody. It's difficult to compare it to relatively godly stuff like ABBA, but just the same it is an all in all decent sugary Europop thing. I'm even willing to say that this is best thing in this entire thing.
Someone is Waiting For You 6/10
As if Arabesque predicted the huge success (in Japan) they would have with "Hello, Mr. Monkey," they went ahead and made a clone of it already. ... Wonderful. It's less leech-like, though, thank goodness.
The Man With the Gun 6.5/10
Okay. I've been good and refrained from commenting on these absolutely hilarious lyrics. But, alas, I can no longer resist myself. I'm taking a transcript, so don't sue me if I've misread anything. He was big, he was blond there was fear in his eyes / And I said to myself save this man, he is naahce! / So I kissed him and I missed him after he had gone next morning / But he had to, he was on the run / I don't like a man with a gun / Why do I love a man with a gun? / I don't like a man with a gun / Oh! A man with a gun I think someone was trying to write a James Bond thing, but was obviously too German to do it properly. Fortunately, though, whoever wrote this at least has some good sense of melody.
Six Times a Day 6/10
I'm having a hard time believing that this type of (disco) music was once popular. I'm having an even harder time believing that I am listening to it. I'm having an even even harder time believing that I'm not trashing the bejibbers out of it. (This song isn't catchy at all ... but for some reason I'm having serious reservations about totally belittling it. I must be turning Japanese.)
Buggy Boy 3/10
Ooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Now this is just going too far. The instrumentals have finally turned from cheap disco to cheesy POP CRAP. This reminds me quite strongly about the utter nonsense that was on the ABBA debut except this isn't nearly as good. ... Does that mean that Arabesque might get good sometime down the road? ... I doubt it entirely, but I guess anything is possible. Anyway, Arabesque sure outdid themselves here. They created an even more annoying song than "Hello, Mr. Monkey."
Friday Night 3/10
When I'm done listening to this album, I think I am going to bash my head against this keyboard. No. On second thought, I can't wait. I can't stand it anymore. Excuse me for a moment while I bash my head against this keyboard. 893aqop08girewn0- h53oi OIGGIEWNOIREANOB OIQNRI5RH8Y309=549Y-J4209-4YJ209gjwgjogokt40grw09-j420g -0-yh43ohr]ej0- t43or]0ir[girgipr[agir0942yir[gpw09423giwgfksagirewklgirwe Thank you. That felt better. ... but why this song is still playing? Arrrgh!
Catch Me Tiger 2/10
Oooooooooooh man! Did this album take a huge plunge into #@(*@*# or what? I mean, it was into #@(*@*# to begin with, but this is deep #@(*@*#. (Whatever #@(*@*# means.) This kind of stuff might take me off pop music altogether. What ever happened to that Wolffy Mozart guy? Is he still around?
Give it Up 4/10
Yeah, I probably should give it up .......... No. I must go on.
Love is Just a Game 6.5/10
As if every stupid Europoop album has to end with a slow, dreary song that is completely drenched with sap that it completely drowns itself and chokes to death ... OH #($*#, BUT WHY AM I SORT OF LIKING IT??!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!!!! DON'T YOU SEE THAT MY STATUS AS A MAN IS AT STAKE HERE?!?!?!???!?!?!?!??? I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO LIKE THIS IN EVEN THE ***SLIGHTEST*** BIT!!!! grr.
Arabesque II
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Arabesque II
Peppermint Jack 0/10
All of the band's self-proclaimed hits are about the suckiest songs on whole freaking planet! AND !!!!!!!!!! ARRGGGG!!!!!!! DON'T LISTEN TO THIS SONG, EITHER, BECAUSE IT'S SO STUPID AND IT WILL GET STUCK IN YOUR HEAD!!!!!! And ... holy crap ... this one even has ***much*** less merit than "Hello, Mr. Monkey." That's pretty darn awful crap. (The lyrics might be racist, too, but I doubt it was anything deliberate.) This song has the distinction of being one of the VERY FEW 0-scoring tracks that I've ever had the unfortunate duty to award. (Or, I guess *fortunate* duty, because I'm sadistic.)
In the Heat of the Disco Night 5/10
MUCH less nauseating than "Peppermint Jack," surprisingly, even though this is a disco song and the other one was a Europop song. The melody doesn't suck, really. The instrumentation doesn't suck. Yes, this is an awful song that is actually nauseating, but since it comes after "Peppermint Jack," you'll probably find out that you're enjoying it instead of hating it.
Rock Me After Midnight 7/10
Parts of this song are lifted DIRECTLY from ABBA's "Mamma Mia." The only reason that I know this is because I have "Mamma Mia" almost completely memorized, and it's just stark obvious. That said, this is a fairly enjoyable song ... Hey! If "Peppermint Jack" is the best 'original' song you can come up with, why not reach your hand into ABBA's endless riches of hooks?
Lucifer's Lover 7.5/10
Well, this is a good song. It has nice hooks, good instrumentation ... I won't say that they're great singers. I can't give it anything more than a 7.5, because it isn't complex or interesting enough. But still. This is entirely listenable. (Is this song about Satan worshipping????? ... HOLY CRAPPP!!!! ... it's a good thing they never became world-famous or they might have had some problems.)
Dancing in the Fire of Love 4/10
They lifted the first chords of this song DIRECTLY from The Who's Tommy. It's as if they just had a copy of that album and just recorded it onto this track! Hm, maybe they were hoping for a lawsuit so that they would get press. (And that last track with the Satan worshipping lyrics ... Have I unintentionally uncovered a conspiracy???)
It's So Hard to Leave You 3.5/10
Hmmm... I can't decipher any hidden meaning into these lyrics or identify any lifted lines from other musicians' albums (even though there are probably a few). And besides. This song sucks, anyway. SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!!! Germans suck! ... I mean German Europop bands that were popular in Japan suck.
Hell Driver 3/10
It took me FOREVER to figure out where they stole this riff from! After about 12 hours or something, I FINALLY figured out that this is the exact same riff as The Beatles' "Get Back." That said, the melody has some hooks in it! But the song is still an absolute mess. There was also no reason why they had to drag this one out for 5 minutes.
City Cats 0.5/10
If they took any part of this song from anyone, he or she should be positively embarrassed! All aspects of this song suck everything in the world that's attached to something. This isn't as annoyingly awful as "Peppermint Jack" mostly because it doesn't have a melody that'll get stuck in your head (unless, I guess, you listen to it multiple times ... I don't know why you'd do that, though). Anyway, this song isn't any better than city cat poo.
Don't Kiss a Crocodile 3/10
This track review shall consist of re-printing the excellent song lyrics.
Don't kiss a crocodile, Baby
She's gonna cheat you
Don't kiss a crocodile, Baby
She's gonna eat you
Oh-oh-oh-stay away
Oh-oh-oh-stay away
Babe, don't look at her too long
Babe, for she is much too strong
Babe, she'll kiss you for a start
Babe, and then she'll eat your heart
(Repeat)
Babe, her teeth are much too near
Babe, I'm warning you, keep clear
Babe, I know you're gonna lose
Babe, if you make one more move
Oh-oh-oh-stay away
Oh-oh-oh-stay away
(Repeat)
Baby, na na na na na na
Plastic Heart 4/10
I'm memorized by the oscillating synths. (I was also memorized by ocelot poop, but that's another story.)
Hello, Mr. Monkey 0/10
..........OK. Why am I listening to this song again? I really am a glutton for punishment!
Arabesque III
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Arabesque III
High Life 4.5/10
Oooooooooooohhhhhh ... It's very difficult for me to stomach this one ... The melody is so sugarcoated and generic ... But I am quite thankful for the fact that this does not contain an annoying melody! (Peppermint Jack *shudders*). This melody is half-well-written ... so I'll give it all of half its points! ... Actually it's probably less than that, but at least it's not memorable. Thank goodness.
Jingle Jangle Joe 6.5/10
This song sounds like a combination of every ABBA song on the planet! ... Except it doesn't have any tasty pop hooks in it! Just the same, the chorus does have at least two hooks in it ... making "Jingle Jangle Joe" one pretty dull pop tune. But I honestly don't hate this. I just don't think it's any good!
Roller Star 7.5/10
Wow! I must be going *insane* or something, but I do believe that I'm giving a 7.5 to an Arabesque song! ... It probably doesn't deserve it, but I genuinely like this. And, I've never liked an Arabesque song before. The melody really isn't that great ... but it's among their best. The lyrics are as trite as they've always been, but, here, they're so danged simple and ... heck! It works! (Don't let yourself become attached to this, though. It might follow you home and you'll never be able to get rid of it.)
Bye Bye My Love 5.5/10
This sounds an *awful* lot like "Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight)" by ABBA!!! Just the same, this one is awfully trite. That's really not a surprise, but ... it's only groan-inducing to the slightest degree... count yer blessings ... I haven't heard a "Hey Mr. Monkey" equivalent, yet ... that makes me glad ...
Marigot Bay 6/10
I swear this is the exact combination of ABBA's "Chiquitita" and "Fernando." I tried playing this at the same time as "Fernando" ... it didn't prove anything other than both songs have the EXACT same time between the end of its first chorus and the beginning of the second. ... But I'm sure there's an 'industry' reason for that ... like all pop songs have to have the exact same time between the end of your first chorus and the beginning of your second. Whatever. This song really isn't that good. This is supposedly the studio-designated hit from the album. I'm sure somebody hit something.
Panties in a Penthouse 3.5/10
I'm not even going to try finding all the ABBA song that this one resembles! I know there are probably a few! We've finally crossed the annoying/not-annoying boundary. *EEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!* I feel a brain aneurysm coming on ... oooooooof!
Once in a Blue Moon 2/10
Oh my GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!!! Can you freaking believe this???? (I don't see how you can believe this ... yer not listening to it.) Everything that anyone has ever feared from disco can be experienced right here. (AAAAAAAAEEEEEEGGGG!!!) Yeah ... disco sucks, man. (This was released in 1980, too, wasn't it? ... Haven't you heard? Disco's dead, baby.)
Hey, Catch On 3/10
...Whoah! This sounds a lot more like an 80s song. ... a really crappy 80s song. But at least it's not disco. It still tries to be dancable, though, and, to this, I'd dance the ritual dance of smashing my head against the wall. This song is not catchy in the *slightest*.
Take Me, Don't Break Me 2/10
Yikes! I would say that the electric organ notes sound *strikingly* like the ones from The Dire Straits' "Walk of Life" ... but that song wasn't released until 5 years after this. So ... Arabesque probably didn't steal it from them, unless they have a time machine or something. This song really sucks, by the way. I really feel nauseous. I appreciate the electric guitar in here, but really ... can you get more generic than that? This is actually the worst song on the whole album ... what a distinction!
The Only Night Was a Lonely Night 5/10
Instead of listening to this very cheesy song (that sounds a lot like one of those old-time songs that I keep hearing on those spiritual music commercials), I'm going to turn it off and go to sleep. And old maaaaaaaan riverrrrrrrrrrr he just keeeeeeps rollllllllin aaaaaaalooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggggggggggggg!
Arabesque IV
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Arabesque IV
Make Love Whenever You Can 8/10
It's interesting that a girl band would sing a song called "Make Love Whenever You Can." I wonder what channels I would go through to become an Arabesque groupie!!!! ... Okay, this is actually a halfway decent song with *gasp* hooks! And ... get this ... these "hooks" won't haunt the song-appreciating part of your brain for all eternity. I've forgotten this song already! This is actually satisfactory. We should have it stuffed!
Keep the Wolf From the Door 6/10
Junk. Dopey. Yes, this is my good old Arabesque!!!!! I think I'm going to go smoke some crack now.
I Don't Wanna Have Breakfast With You 8/10
I love the song title! Oh man! Life is great! Plus, the melody has a few hooks in it, and the song comes fairly close to being immaculate. It just needed some tweaking from a real songwriter, and then we might have a classic!!!
Nights in the Harbour 7/10
A somewhat tolerable melody??? That's good enough for me, baby!!!
Hey What a Magic Night 2/10
Just a hint: stick with Euro-pop. This fake '50s dance pop-rock song puts even Arabesque to shame. This is the first truly vomit-inducing song in this whole album ... frankly, I'm surprised that it didn't happen until now. Is Arabesque turning into a good band at long last??? NO!!!
Midnight Dancer 8/10
Holy moly! This is actually a very solid Euro-pop song! How the bloody heck to you figure on something like this? Whoever wrote this song really deserves a cigar and a handshake from me. This is a remarkably catchy song with a neat riff that does seem to repeat a lot, but it doesn't get too monotonous. Hmm ... yes. This is really quite solid.
Hi Hi Highway 8/10
This is verrrrry similar to "Midnight Dancer," but ... heck! This is a good song, too! What a neat riff! I mean ... it's not even close to being original. But Arabesque actually stole a riff and used it properly this time. And ... does this song have two melodic sections to it? Do I sense artistic growth? Really, either the crappiness of Arabesque and Arabesque II and Arabesque III totally fried my brain, or there are some decent pop songs on this album. Really, I'm quite shocked.
You Win, Hands Down 5/10
Oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was actually keeping my hopes up!!!!! From the very beginning, the cheesy keyboard notes means that Arabesque is ready to delve back into whatever void they emerged from. I mean ... it's not like I was expecting them to start doing stupid crap songs again after those two cool songs. I was just hoping. I can still hope, can't I? CAN'T I????!
Black Out 3.5/10
Oh brother! Other than a fairly good piece of melody in this (that repeats about 8 million times too many), this song is more tiresome nonsense. I also feel a good, hearty vomit coming on. Excuse me for a moment.
Born to Reggae 3.5/10
Um ... nooooooooooooooooo. I think it's pretty safe to say that you were NOT born to reggae. It goes without saying; you're three white German chicks in a Euro-pop band. 'Nuff said.
Arabesque V
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The Album
In For a Penny, In For a Pound 3/10
How on earth could anyone write such cheesy songs! I didn't even think this was physically possible!! The chorus is bleeding awful. Why can't they at least be NORMAL and write NORMAL STUPID SONGS! The backing music is as generic as it gets. ... Oddly enough, the melodic structure tries to do the whole complex ABBA thing. Surprisingly, at least how they mesh together different melodic ideas, they're marginally successful. The actual melodies they mesh together are crap, though. And the song is cheesy. A mouse's paradise.
The Hero of My Life 4/10
Here is why I should never review music that was written by Germans. The accents. Plus, one of their songwriters' name is Frankfurter ... yup. This song sounds like it should be catchy, but it's not. It's just more ABBA-wannabe stuff.
Like a Shot in the Dark 7.5/10
The first thing misstep Arabesque took in their stupid career was that they were born in Germany. Why? Because Germans love David Hasselhoff, and nothing good can come of that. Nevertheless, of all this German's band effort to try mimicking ABBA, this is one of the successful ones. Ultimately, this is about as good as one of ABBA's worst songs during their 1975-1983 reign. That's not saying much, but it's saying enough. The melody is fairly catchy ... it repeats just a few times too much. If it were shorter, I'd give it an 8.
Run the Show 5/10
Yay! Euro-pop wasteland!
Indio Boy 6.5/10
What is an Indio Boy? ... Anyway, this happens to be among the better songs from the album. Directly copying ABBA will do that to a song.
Billy's Barbecue 1/10
Can we be A LITTLE MORE CHEESY??????????? That fake steel drum is total donkey jerky. Thank goodness this song isn't as leech-like catchy. But seriously, Billy. Your barbecue doesn't look that appealing.
The Doctor Likes Music 7/10
I never met a doctor who liked music. Normally they cover their ears whenever they hear music. Anyway, here is an attempt at ragtime. What can I say? Cheesy ragtime is better than cheesy Europop any day of the week. (Nevertheless, this does reek of a bad Branson, Mo. show tune.)
The Rebels of the Bounty 8.5/10
This tune bares an almost disturbing likeness to a song from The Little Shop of Horrors. I don't remember exactly what the song *is* (and I don't have the means of looking it up at the moment). And both songs would have came out at just about the same time ... At any rate, that doesn't matter. This song is based on a surprisingly solid hook and it manages to carry it out for the entire duration of the song. I don't care if it's still unrelentingly cheesy, this is a solid song FOR ONCE. And this is the highest song score I've ever awarded to these Germans ... who happen to be popular in Japan. (Don't you get any creepy World War II connection here??? I swear, there was something sinister about this group from the very beginning...)
Let's Make a Night of It 5/10
Oh, dear. We're back to the disco Europop stuff. I paused this song a second to listen to ABBA's "On and On and On" (because I thought this song bared a slight resemblance to that song ... but it doesn't really). AND I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT!!! ... OH, I WANT TO REVIEW ABBA'S ALBUMS AGAIN! WHY AM I STUCK REVIEWING THIS?????
I Stand By You 8.5/10
This song sounds like another song that I heard once. Yeah, that's detailed. But I don't care because it's actually pretty good! The chorus has a few nice hooks in it and well-worked chord changes in it. The rest of the song is a little bit dull and plodding. But seriously! This is actually a pretty good song! Well either that, or I've been brainwashed.
Arabesque VI
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Arabesque VI
Cabarello 7/10
Hello! Are you ready for some fake ABBA music? I'm not. Album review over. ...OHHHHHHH GOSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! You do realize that I'm reviewing this band because I like to torture myself, right? Well, to tell you the honest, gut truth, this isn't a bad song. I can only spot a few melodic flaws in this song ... which is weird because Arabesque's entire song is usually a melodic flaw! But this silly Europop (and complete ABBA rip-off) really isn't too horrible. The chorus is rather catchy. ... The instrumentation isn't cheesy, either ... unless you think ABBA's instrumentation is cheesy, because it's **IDENTICAL**. Unfortunately, they can't also take ABBA's vocals.
Why Do You Ride the High Horse 6/10
The instrumentation is exactly like the last song (borrowing everything they have from previously-released and previously-loved ABBA hits) except that the melody is incredibly boring. In fact, this song (and the last one for that matter) has that stupid goofy male-vocal harmony that ABBA utilized in "King Kong Song." ... Of all the things you can borrow from ABBA, why that? ... And ... the lyrics ... *phew*
Tall Story Teller 2/10
Here we see Arabesque reverting to their "Hello, Mr. Monkey" days. The melody is really, very horrible. The instrumentation, this time, isn't anything like ABBA (for WORSE) ... rather, this sounds like bad music you might hear at a polka festival somewhere in New Mexico. This song makes me want to hike to the top of a New Mexico mountain and blow my brains out with a Civil War-era cannon. I haven't even mentioned the lyrics yet!!!! (and I'm not going to) ... I'm going to bring up the gas turbine subject again. Gas turbines???
Touch and Go 5/10
Hah! I thought this was going to be a Cars cover! Don't you love that Cars song? I know I do! ... Don't you just love this Arabesque song? ... I know I WANT TO SMASH IT LIKE A BUG WITH MY FOOT!!!!! ... It would have been much better if it were only about 30 seconds long. It overstays its welcome beyond that.
Don't Wait For a Sailor 4/10
This song sounds like the dream I'd have if I ate too many pixie sticks and my brain made me pass out, because if I ate anymore I'd die. ... Yeah ... not pleasant! ... This is yet another blatant ABBA rip off except the melody is really crappy. ... ABBA didn't always have great songs, but ... at least they sat around and wrote some good tunes. ... Whoever wrote these songs doesn't know anything.
Hit the Jackpot 4/10
OHHHHHHHHH, strike two for the unrelentingly CHEESY and CRAPPY instrumentation. ... Although, it's been a decent record for these Germans so far. ... Nevertheless, the melody is pretty good for the first 30 seconds or so of the song. But beyond that, it sucks. The instrumentation, which consists of really annoying choppy chords (that aren't awesome enough to be New Wave or anything) ... rather this is a retread of 50s pop. And it's AWFUL!!!!!!!!!
Look Alive 1/10
...Um... is this an attempt at boogie-rock? ... Please. It hurts me when you do this. And it scares the bambinos. ... It's annoying. It's cheesy. The melody's catchiness is at a concentration of 0.4309%. The fact that it has clapping in it makes it worse. ... In short, this song is the epitome of doodie.
A Flash in the Pan 5/10
Isn't disco out of style yet? ... I GUESS NOT!!! ... Aren't ridiculously crappy lyrics out of style yet? ... I GUESS NOT!!! ... Aren't melodies that sounds eerily like Jimmy Buffet's "Cheeseburger in Paradise" out of style yet? ... I GUESS NOT!!! ... Weren't songs that sound eerily like Jimmy Buffet outlawed by the Geneva Convention yet? ... I GUESS NOT!!! ... Shouldn't Don Ignacio, famed Web music reviewer give this song a 10/10? ...
Fool's Paradise 3/10
Why does this music sound like it shouldn't exist? ... BECAUSE IT SHOULDN'T! THAT'S WHY!!! This sounds like they wanted to create a salsa song, except it sucks. ... There's not an ounce of Latin passion in this stupid German Europop song from this band that was big in Japan.
The End of the Show 2/10
Why does this song sound a lot like "Thank You For the Music?" NOT EVEN MISTER MONKEY COULD HAVE MESSED THAT ONE UP!! (And those pianos in here, at different times, are an almost remarkable rip-off of "Chiquita" and "Dancing Queen." Some of the vocal melody sounds remarkably like ABBA's "When All is Said and Done." ... Really, I have no idea how they couldn't make it right if they're stealing from all those great Europop songs.) What it all boils down to is: This song is bluuuuuuh.
Arabesque VII
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Arabesque VII
Why No Reply? 8/10
...Because I'm trying it ignore you German freaks! ... Quit stalking me, OK? (Hey, phones don't make that noise anymore ... come on, live with the times!) ... You know something? This is almost a good song. Sure, it takes a hint and a few hooks from "Summer Night City" by ABBA, but this is kind of enjoyable with some nice funky horns and a groovy dance beat. I thought disco was dead by the early '80s, but ............ who's to argue with freaky Germans?
Discover Me 6/10
...Are you a continent? In that case, I'll need a ship. ... I don't have a ship. Oh well. Back to this song. This is the usual blandness I've always come to expect for this band. The melody is a barren wasteland for hooks. It seems like a halfhearted attempt at arena rock except the singers sound like three drunk chicks at amatuer hour in the kareoke bar. OK, that was mean ... I really love these singers. I'm sure they're excellent people ...........
Don't Fall Away From Me 7.5/10
Usually, it's a bad idea for this band to do anything that doesn't sound like ABBA. Everything else sounds pretty idiotic. But for once, their foray into cutesy, shuffling Broadway-style number didn't turn into such a poor experience. There aren't enough good pop hooks, but there are some. The spirit is convincing enough. The session musicians turn in some good brass.
Moorea 5/10
Wow! Great introduction! ... It's enchanting and atmospheric with the nice blend of synth electric pianos and strings. You had me thinking you were going after some Kate Bush stylings. (Maybe you were!) But then the melody surfaces and this *oh horrors* turns into what sounds too much like a country-western ballad. (I hate country-western like the plague ... especially if it comes from Europop musicians). The melody is very trite ........ Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh .............. really a stomach ache inducing melody. The lyrics are too busy for the vocals and it gets distractingly jumbled. What a shame!!!
A New Sensation 6.5/10
Back to the normal ABBA-esque europop for you! And go to your room for those other songs! (And then go to your room for stealing more of those coveted ABBA hooks.) The instrumentation has a few nice ideas ... kind of a woody synth goes off every once in awhile and there's a nice enough use of a synth string. The song has nice drive, but the melody is so stale that the song grows verrrry old by the end. You're going to have to do more than this ......... not that I was expecting that. This song is boring but not too offensive. I'm delightfully surprised that there hasn't been a really offensive moment yet in the album. .... But let's not speak too soon.
Young Fingers Get Burnt 4/10
...That's why you shouldn't let your kid near the stove. What are you, irresponsible parents?????? (Wait, you had kids together???? ... oh . .. ..................) This is wisely a well-driving Europop song, but it's so desperate for hooks that it's sucking the life force from behind my eyeballs. I still can't say the song is offensive, but it's banal. Very banal. Bleugh!
Rainy Love Affair 5.5/10
.................... A rainy love affair. ................. Do you mean a juicy love affair? ......... or a steamy love affair????? This is another Broadway styled song, but it comes together OK. Granted, it grows extremely tiresome by the end. The instrumentation is very disappointing considering they were vaguely worthy of compliment in other points of the album. The melody is OK but still needs some electric hook therapy. .... The most points were counted off for sounding too damn cutesy. I'll come back when I'm on Prozac ... probably in a few short years.
Prison of Love 2/10
This band has a real talent for squeezing the will to live out of its listeners. Why do I keep going back? .... Um, it doesn't matter, because I'm going to be on Prozac in a few years. I'm not too sure what I find so offensive about this song.......... The melody was probably written by someone without a clue. This song is after my soul. Brururuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!
Surfing Bahama 3/10
Um............. tropicana coupled with Europop along. Granted, this combination doesn't sound so bad here as it did when ABBA tried such antics. BUT this melody sounds like a very bad nursery rhyme. It's cutesy, but with no substance. I promised myself I wouldn't commit suicide in this review, so I'll just put my fingers over my ears until this is over.
Zanzibar 6/10
A little better here and more dramatic. That means the song has interesting development that keeps the whole thing from sounding like I passed out in the middle of a Sesame Street episode. The song structure really is fairly decent here but the melody is VERY bad. .......... phew.... But as far as torturous experiences go, I've had worse. Much worse. ... Even from bands that aren't Arabesque.
Arabesque VIII
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Arabesque VIII
Loser Pays the Piper 4/10
I want to try to be constructive here and not so much like poster-child for anti-depressant medication, but I think you can understand how that's difficult for me. This is a sort of synth-pop song with drum machines and a sort of "Lust for Life" riff. The melody really really really really needs hooks. I'm usually a sucker for synth-pop, but they're not making it easy for me. (OK, where are the anti-depressants you offered me????)
Heart on Fire 4.5/10
I think your heart on fire might indicate that you don't have much longer to live. That's just a guess... I'll tell ya what though. This song isn't the worst thing in the world. Its melody is only boring a little bit, and there's this one part where they hit a really loud drum that I like. So, that means there's one split second of this that's nice to hear. Yeah... I want to know which one of those three girls is singing with that deep voice. That's definitely a girl singing. I can tell.
Pack it Up 5/10
I don't know if it's more sad that Arabesque took this directly from ABBA's "Head Over Heels" or the fact that I was able to identify that so immediately. They broke up soon after this album, and ABBA's The Visitors was their last album. Coincidence? ... But I'll tell ya what. I said it once and I'll say it again. Whenever this band takes their ideas from ABBA, they sound the best. This song is a hopelessly cheap imitation, but it has a sort of ... um ... tolerability that I can't deny.
For Your Smile 5.5/10
This is kinda enjoyable. The melody isn't bad, and there's some kind person playing a different melody with those cheap synthesizers. These drum machines are so cheap sounding that it's hilarious. Well, I'm a sucker for early '80s pop music. Arabesque has found my kryptonite.
Sunrise in Your Eyes 5.5/10
OK, this is getting uncanny. I did manage to listen to this album three times, and I got the impression that it creepily goes from bad to tolerable to enjoyable like this. I like this breezy melody, and the cheap electric guitars were a nice touch.
Dance Dance Dance 6/10
This song is hilarious! They're continuing with their cheese-o-matic melodies and instrumentation, except this one's pretty dang funny. The first impression I had of this was that it should be played during one of Jane Fonda's workout videos. Even funnier is that I want to like it because of that. Well, now the world's coming to an end.
Angel Face 5/10
Well the streak had to end sometime. This is a bland synth-pop sort of song that's really kinda crappy but at least it's not abysmally horrible. I do like the first few seconds of it, but after that it grows really tiresome.
You Better Get a Move On 5/10
The good news is that they haven't really gotten completely offensive yet. Sure, this stuff is even worse than Marc Anthony's bad songs much of the time, but this was the same band that sang "Hello Mr. Monkey" for goodness sake!! Yeah, this is a trite Euro-pop song. It's the sort of thing I can just pat on the head and tell it 'thanks' because its hasn't damaged me.
Stupid Boys 4/10
Yeah, Stupid Boys!!! This is a really horrible song, but I think this is a prime opportunity to start focusing on some positives for a change. Yes, this is a Euro-pop take on a reggae song. I mean, this is bad, but it should be much worse. Even those crappy synthesizers that apparently were supposed to be steel drums reeked of not-being-the-worst-thing-I-ever-heard. LOOK, I'M BEING NICE TO YOU GUYS!!!
Bye Bye Superman 4/10
...Bye bye Superman. Here's a bit of psychology at work. I made a Superman allusion in these track reviews without directly recalling that there was a song about Superman here. There you go. So............ What is with this song? It's pretty bad. Naturally there's still the drum machines and the hopelessly bland melodies, but then there's the good qualities about this song!!! ... Sorry, I can't think of what they are. I'll try to be more constructive when I rewrite this review. Whenever that might possibly be.
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